+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0

    Default Unsupportive partner, need advice

    Hi guys,

    This is my first post, I'm not sure if I'm writing this in the right section or what ever, but I desperately need some guidance.

    I'm only 21 years old, my boyfriend of only 3 months is 19 years old and we found out a few days ago that I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. I've never been in this situation before, neither has he. I'm actually his first girlfriend so it's even more shock to him and his family. He is an aspiring football player who has been working his whole life to go pro. He also has a passion to open his own business soon. All of this was compromised when we found the news and he doesn't want me to go ahead with it. He isn't giving me any other option but to abort. We don't have a very stable financial situation as well as I'm only casual and he is also, due to football. I know the situation isn't ideal for either of us but my family are completely supportive and want to do anything to help me out.

    I believe if I go through with it he won't stick around, but if I have the abortion he will 'support me' which basically means he isn't giving me a choice. I am so torn with what to do. I can't justify aborting just because it isn't ideal. I want to go through with it for the sake of giving the child a chance but I face the fear of doing it alone. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    464
    Thanks
    129
    Thanked
    209
    Reviews
    0
    I haven't been through exactly the same thing, but what I can tell you is really take the time you need to think about what you want without feeling pressured, and don't abort for someone else's reasons. Maybe spend a few days away from him to think. If you abort because of him, but it's not what you want, you will have to live with that regret.

    Now, I'm pro choice, so I'm not trying to push you either way, I just think you need to decide for you, not for him, or his family or your family. Good luck with your decision, it's not easy xx

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to jesssalee For This Useful Post:

    Hanbxx  (22-06-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    22,001
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    1,782
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Welcome to bubhub.

    While i havent been through your situation, i went through a similar one. He thought we agreed on an abortion but i have no recollection of such a conversation.

    We were never together but we were sleeping together for a long time. At first he was supportive but then went sour and our friendship ended. I have a 7yr old son now.

    Do what you think is best. Will he still be around if you went through with an abortion? How do you feel about it both keeping the baby or an abortion? Nobody can give you the answer with what you should do but dont do anything rash atm. Take your time and think through it all.

    Best of luck

    Sent from my GT-I9506 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Myztiks#1Fan For This Useful Post:

    Hanbxx  (22-06-2014)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,655
    Thanks
    1,207
    Thanked
    3,833
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    You're the one who will ultimately have to live with your choice, so you have to do what is right for YOU.

    I had an unexpected pregnancy in early 2011 which resulted in my DD. I will be completely honest with you and say that there are times I feel that it made my life VERY complicated (already had a son from my 12 year marriage and this pregnancy was to someone different who I've known over 10 years). However, I know in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't have coped emotionally with an abortion, so while it's a total pain in the @r$e dealing with two ex partners, I can't imagine this world without my beautiful daughter. My new DP feels the same and he loves her like she's his own.

    Do what feels right for you xx

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hollywood For This Useful Post:

    Hanbxx  (22-06-2014),Mokeybear  (27-06-2014)

  8. #5
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,994
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,889
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    I've been through this. What is your heart telling you? If you abort and you didn't want to or felt pressured, your relationship is very unlikely to survive regardless. Perhaps your boyfriend just needs a bit of time for the news to sink in, and then you can talk about your options together? It's still early days so you have time.

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    His family is going overseas in 1 week and he wants me to get the abortion before they leave so that he has their support. He's being very selfish so it feels like I have no time at all my brain to an extent agrees with him because it's not going to be easy and knowing ill be alone makes it harder but my heart wants to keep it and I know that wont change.

  10. #7
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,994
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,889
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    Then you have your answer. I get it - he's young and has goals and is only thinking about that at the moment. You're young too, Hun, but you can totally do it on your own. There's lots of support here and you have your family onside too so you'll be ok. It's hard, but you can do hard things. Have you been to a GP yet?

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    KitiK  (27-06-2014),Mokeybear  (27-06-2014)

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,219
    Thanks
    2,842
    Thanked
    1,467
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    500 Posts in a week
    400 Posts in a week300 posts in a week200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a weekFunniest Caption
    If you have any doubts about getting an abortion please don't. You need to talk to someone not involved in the situation. If you are not 100% convinced it is the right decision you will regret it.

    I am really sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. Are you willing to do this alone? When I was pregnant with DS1, I was 19 and I told DF and also let him know he didn't have to stay but there was no way I was going to abort. I don't tell many people this but I was pressured into an abortion when I was 18 and I didn't completely understand until after. It devastated me and I still think about it.

    Sent from my SM-G900I using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Only to get my blood test results but ill need to go back when I make my decision. Thanks so much it really helps to hear encouragement

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Thankyou tadpoles, I'm sorry you had to go through that so young... I don't want to live with regret, and I think I am willing to do it alone. It will be hard financially, exotically, physically but I couldn't imagine anything more rewarding


 

Similar Threads

  1. Unsupportive husband and a difficult decision
    By brimm in forum First Trimester Chat
    Replies: 527
    Last Post: 24-11-2014, 17:00
  2. I need to vent about unsupportive family members.
    By gamermummy in forum Feeling alone
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-02-2014, 18:01
  3. Unsupportive Husband
    By MKG in forum IVF
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-07-2013, 16:39

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Hunter Women's Health Centre
Hunter Women’s Health Centre care for women of all ages, in the full spectrum of their gynaecologic and obstetric health.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!