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  1. #11
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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Don't let his ex have access to you for starters. Block her from social media. There is no need for this person to be able to contact you via social media and in all seriousness, no need for you to be able to see what she says about you on social media. It's not helpful to anyone.
    Agree to previous posters - be the bigger person. These are children. They are grieving the loss of the status quo - no matter how awful that might have been while they were still together.
    I think you're going to have to ride it out for the time being. Or as someone else suggested, get yourself some counselling to help you deal with it.

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    I think you Are too involved too quickly.

    Just my opinion.
    This little girl needs counselling and ASAP.
    You say you don't see them but in your op you describe how they are to you

    Personally I would not see the kids at all ... And I would not be getting engaged untill the kids are in a much better place



    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
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    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

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    And just to add..
    I don't think she is an aggressive teen.. But more a depressed one...




    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dgnfly View Post
    their daughter is in counselling and has been for a while but it's not helping at all!.
    This gave me the impression that she is currently attending counselling, not that it was a few sessions in the past or a once off session that her mother had checked in on social media at.

    if she isn't going currently, but is attending school, she may be able to access the school psychologist or social workers.
    Last edited by Que Sera; 22-06-2014 at 18:16. Reason: Reworded

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    http://www.stepfamily.com.au/forum/index.php
    Check out the above forum. It might help you. Good luck.

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    As adults we go through immense grief after loss, be it a marriage breakdown or a death. We get angry, depressed, we withdraw from others. You can't expect a 13yo child to have the coping mechanisms of an adult, many of which still don't cope well.

    This child has experienced the breakdown of her parent's marriage, then her father and mother not only moving on to other people very quickly, but for her father to already be engaged at the 7 month mark. That's a huge thing to process.

    Just reading your OP, you seem to really dislike your partner's ex, and really, who was to blame really has nothing to do with their daughter's behaviour.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NebraskaJones View Post
    And just to add..
    I don't think she is an aggressive teen.. But more a depressed one...

    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.
    100% this. Take a step back, let her grieve her parents separation. Her parents have thrown a hell of a lot at her in 7 months. No wonder the poor girl isn't coping.

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    I think it's impossible to say exactly what's going on with her, whether it's due to long-term issues or because of the more recent events. But I do think you need to have a more empathic attitude towards her - she is not 'this girl' she is your step-daughter. I don't mean that harshly, I just read a lot of hostility towards your fiancé's ex and future step-daughter as though you resent the burden of them and expect everyone to be ok with you coming in and being the new high priestess of their dads life. I'm thinking this young girl may be picking up on your attitude in this respect and is not at all cool with it. Her mother may he struggling and she may be the child who is taking that on board and perhaps she feels responsible for her parents happiness (as kids do when parents separate) and resentful towards you. Please try to be more understanding and loving. And, patient, and kind.


 

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