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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    I didn't expect a gift, I told her there was no need for a gift as I thought she may not be able to afford it, plus it was in the city and people needed to pay for parking. I was just happy to have them there. A card is not a gift, it's a sign that somebody has put some time, effort and thought into you. I often make cards for occasions, not because I'm tight but because handmade is lovely and shows that a lot of consideration has gone into it.

    I would never turn up to a wedding completely empty handed I think it's rude and something I am comfortable with- but that's just me.
    Not everyone feels the same way as you though. I personally find cards a waste of time and paper, and can't for the life of me understand why there's even such as thing as a "card industry." Maybe she really just didn't think it would have been a big deal, particularly if you'd said not to worry about a gift?

  2. #42
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    OP I think you need to just ease up on being so generous with this friend. I too would have been deeply hurt if i saw them buy their kids and another friends kids drinks and not include mine, after everything you had been so generous with. I find it odd that she actually even did that ... was she trying to send you some sort of message by doing that? Or maybe she thinks your kids have it all already because you can afford so much? Still doesn't mean that what she did is ok. In fact that would probably make me question whether she really even is a good friend.

    If you still value her as she makes you happy in other ways, then just stop spending money on her. If she cant afford to go somewhere, then she doesn't go. If she does go somewhere then you split the bill. Don't cover her anymore, she's a grown woman who is not your financial responsibility. Also if you continuously be so generous like you have been sadly it can just become expected. It shouldn't but with certain people it does.

    If she can so bluntly not shout your kids a drink, then just bluntly stop paying for her. She does sound like a taker by doing that. Whatever her reason was for doing it, it was rude.

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  4. #43
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    I just want to add... That those who commented that they don't give cards or that the OP and her friend are obviously 2 very different people in how they 'do' friendship...
    I think being a good friend to someone is learning what they value and doing those things to say thank you. Eg. If you aren't a card giver but you know your friend loves cards/kind words. ... then you go out of your way to do that for them. Or even if you aren't the world's best cook yet you know your friend would appreciate a meal you do something to help that.
    Friendship isn't always about what's convenient for one of the people in the relationship.
    I can't think of any valid reason OP from your posts to excuse your friend's insensitive behaviour.

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  6. #44
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    I don't do cards.
    And I won't.

    Not because I am selfish but because it's not me I can't write them it feels forced and unnatural.

    It's all about love languages and mine is time.

    I am better at discovering what my friends love language is and being happy with that.


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

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  8. #45
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    I disagree @Tamtam. I would never expect this from my friends.

    The way one shows love and gratitude is very hard wire within. Personally I know what my friends are good at. If I need a kind ear, a pep talk, a crazy night out, a hug, etc I would go to the friend who can provide me with this.

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  10. #46
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    Yeah I agree with what you're saying to an extent. .. And I don't think you need to reciprocate all the time but it's nice to go out of your way every now and then to show your appreciation.

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  11. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by NebraskaJones View Post
    I don't do cards.
    And I won't.

    Not because I am selfish but because it's not me I can't write them it feels forced and unnatural.

    It's all about love languages and mine is time.

    I am better at discovering what my friends love language is and being happy with that.


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.
    We have different love languages. If you were my friend and I knew yours was time, I would try and show you my appreciation through giving you my time. Even though that's not my love language, I love giving and receiving words of affirmation. It's give and take on both sides of the friendship, even if it isn't our 'thing'.
    Last edited by cheekychook; 21-06-2014 at 10:16.

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  13. #48
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    OP I think your friend is taking advantage of your generosity. I would have been hurt if I paid for a friend's whole family for dinner and she couldn't bring my kids a cup...really that's what she had to do, be considerate enough to think about your kids. She bought 2 jugs and couldn't even bring extra cups for your kids.
    I think she's inconsiderate and ungrateful.

    I don't have any friends like her but my sister does and in the past had to listen for my sister complain about this girl constantly. She would borrow money and never pay it back, would say she had no money to get into a club so would borrow money from my sister, but then had money to buy drinks for male friends at the venue and not offer to get my sister a drink.

    Unfortunately some people do knowingly take advantage of people's generosity. I would stop being so generous with your friend. I personally would still bring her daughter a snack if you meet them in the park for a play date, but for larger expenses, if your friend can't afford to pay then stop offering to pay for her.
    Maybe your silence will baffle her and knock some gratitude into her.


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    Last edited by Night Owl; 21-06-2014 at 10:39.

  14. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    I really don't understand why people can't afford a coffee or a cheap lunch out with someone, to me that is taking the ****. I would never expect someone to pay for me for anything and if I did I would treat them next time.
    Really? Lunches and coffees out are way out of my budget. I just don't go out since I can't afford it, but if someone offered to shout me lunch I'd be rapt (and very appreciative). Point being though lunches and coffee aren't affordable for a lot of people (especially living week to week).

    Op I'd just try to do free or very cheap things with your friend if you don't want to pay and she can't afford to go out. It might make her feel more comfortable anyway, it can be embarrassing admitting you can't afford things your friends want to do.

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  16. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amiedoll View Post
    It might make her feel more comfortable anyway, it can be embarrassing admitting you can't afford things your friends want to do.
    Agree. Plus it can be hard to say no to people that offer. I had a friend (that ironically was an emotional taker) that would invite me out for coffee then despite me declining over and over she would pay for my coffee and sometimes lunch. Then when I ditched her, she tried to demand all the money back

    It can be a bit of a loaded situation when people offer to pay. You don't want to stand in a cafe arguing back and forth in front of the cashier with 6 people behind you wanting to order!
    Last edited by delirium; 21-06-2014 at 12:18.

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