+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 83
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,706
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    OP: you have a good heart but.... Stop paying for everything for your friend! If she doesn't have much money then perhaps compromise. Or alternate between activities that do and don't cost a fortune.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Look, she sounds a bit tight, no argument there.

    But it doesn't sit right with me that she isn't grateful enough for your liking. Gratitude is a very complex thing and can be very destructive.

    Offer to do things because you want to, not because you want a certain level of gratitude.

    Yeah she should have bought yours kids a drink but maybe she thought they already had one or maybe she just didn't think.

    Is she a good friend? Does she care about you, look after your emotional needs, there for you when you need it? If so, I would say that's more important.

    If I were you I would stop offering to pay for things for her as it's obviously not something you want to do for nothing in return. Hopefully your friendship will survive, even if it changes a little.

  3. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kw123 For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (20-06-2014),cluckcluck  (21-06-2014),MilkingMaid  (21-06-2014),VicPark  (20-06-2014)

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    6,019
    Thanks
    5,460
    Thanked
    4,397
    Reviews
    20
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I wouldn't describe her as a 'taker'. You're offering these things and she's accepting. I think it would be different if she was expecting rather than accepting.

    You also said 'barely a thank you'. She said thank you, what more were you expecting?

    As for the lack of wedding card, she probably felt bad about not having anything to put with it.
    A friend came to our wedding and didn't get us anything, not even a card, then cracked the poops because we didn't get her a gift for her wedding (although being in the bridal party practically sent us broke). That is a taker.
    Last edited by atomicmama; 20-06-2014 at 19:55.

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    9,870
    Thanks
    3,034
    Thanked
    5,843
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    This thread has made me think about a friend of mine who is fairly cashed up.

    On a few occasions she has paid for things simply so I could attend (e.g, covering my accommodation for a girls weekend). I have never asked and would never ask, but she offers because she wants to spend time with me and I simply cannot afford to be a part of such things otherwise.

    I always thank her, but I don't make a big deal of it because quite frankly I'm embarrassed that I don't have much money

    I truly hope she doesn't think I'm a taker.

    OP, you simply have to tone down your generosity if it's upsetting you.

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (20-06-2014),LiterallyNoOne  (20-06-2014),VicPark  (20-06-2014),~Marigold~  (21-06-2014)

  7. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    2,478
    Thanks
    179
    Thanked
    784
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't agree. You can't say no gift and then expect a gift. No card is only about. 4/10 on the uh-oh scale in my books.
    I didn't expect a gift, I told her there was no need for a gift as I thought she may not be able to afford it, plus it was in the city and people needed to pay for parking. I was just happy to have them there. A card is not a gift, it's a sign that somebody has put some time, effort and thought into you. I often make cards for occasions, not because I'm tight but because handmade is lovely and shows that a lot of consideration has gone into it.

    I would never turn up to a wedding completely empty handed I think it's rude and something I am comfortable with- but that's just me.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to thepouts For This Useful Post:

    clucky_duck  (20-06-2014),hangingupsidedown  (20-06-2014)

  9. #26
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    5,864
    Thanks
    986
    Thanked
    3,330
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I regularly pay for friends (and my mum) and I earn less than half of what their family does (being a single mother) but I only do so when I genuinely have no problems with it. I never give things to have people be overly grateful, if I say 'your presence is all I want' I mean it.

    I've never kept tabs and I have many friends who are tight on the purse strings ... But I only offer things to those who I really want to.

    I don't mean to be rude but if I offered these things of my own accord .... And they were accepted - I wouldn't expect anything in return ... Not even a drink (since they'd declined the offer in the first place due to financial reasons).

  10. #27
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    2,478
    Thanks
    179
    Thanked
    784
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Look, she sounds a bit tight, no argument there.

    But it doesn't sit right with me that she isn't grateful enough for your liking. Gratitude is a very complex thing and can be very destructive.

    Offer to do things because you want to, not because you want a certain level of gratitude.

    Yeah she should have bought yours kids a drink but maybe she thought they already had one or maybe she just didn't think.

    Is she a good friend? Does she care about you, look after your emotional needs, there for you when you need it? If so, I would say that's more important.

    If I were you I would stop offering to pay for things for her as it's obviously not something you want to do for nothing in return. Hopefully your friendship will survive, even if it changes a little.
    Disagree. Do you make your children say please and Thankyou? I am so firm on my kids when it comes to using their manners.

  11. #28
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Yes I do.... How is this relevant?

    Did she actually not say thank you for anything you offered? That is rude. You said "barely" a thank you so I assumed she said thanks but wasn't effusive about it enough for you (I think most people would assume that).

  12. #29
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think when you give too much and the other person doesn't, resentment can breed.

    I really don't understand why people can't afford a coffee or a cheap lunch out with someone, to me that is taking the ****. I would never expect someone to pay for me for anything and if I did I would treat them next time.

  13. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    2,478
    Thanks
    179
    Thanked
    784
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I should probably clear up the drink thing it sounds like it has been misinterpreted...she bought 2 jugs of drink and 6 glasses. 3 glasses for her 3 children and 3 glasses for our other friends 3 children. I was hurt that my children were obviously left out, not that they didn't get a drink! All 9 children were sitting at the same table.


 

Similar Threads

  1. For parents who's bub takes losec suspension.
    By waterlily in forum General Child Health Issues
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-09-2013, 20:39
  2. Takes nappy off during night sleep and wets the bed
    By Heidi9 in forum Constipation, Toilet Training
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 24-08-2013, 23:24
  3. What do you do with the teeth the 'toothfairy' takes?
    By ozeymumof5 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 20-06-2013, 10:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
GymbaROO
GymbaROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. Classes are available Australia-wide. Enrol today & help your child to reach their full potential. Visit the website to find out more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!