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  1. #11
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    I tell you what annoys me more than anything, is when people have enough money (really good jobs) and they are still very very tight. I actually think it's a meaness. Nothing to do with being 'careful'. To me, if I have enough, I will give it. This is often to my own detriment as I'm beginning to learn. I think a lot of people are more frugal than I am. But I just like to be a generous person when I can. Would hate to be seen as selfish!

    Sorry OP that your 'friend' is being like that. It's hard as I have a few friends who are like this. Some of them live at home with their parents and pay no rent etc and still can't part with their money when they have almost no responsibilities like mortgages, kids etc. Just some people's personalities unfortunately. I do think it'll come back to bite them one day when people stop inviting them to things because they have put themselves out so much for them and got diddly squat in return! Even baking a small cake can go a long way in terms of generosity!

  2. #12
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    Whether she is aware or not that she is a taker, I think she is bad mannered. If someone gives you something (ie uniforms or pays for dinner) you should show gratitude. And the wedding thing was disgraceful. She should have written you a beautiful letter or done something to mark the special occasion (maybe even had you and DH over for dinner at her house on your return from your honeymoon) anything really to let you know she was happy for you. Maybe she is jealous of you? That's the only reason why I can think she is happy to take without even have the decency to thank you properly.

    I'm not sure what she is like as a friend otherwise, but if she is an A+ friend in all other aspects then I'd be willing to let the bad manners slide, but I probably would stop offering to pay for things etc because it makes you feel bad because essentially she makes you feel used.

    Adult friendships can be tricky! Hope it all works out.

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  4. #13
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    I HAD a best friend who would expect me to drop everything when she called me and needed something. If I didn't drop everything or even stated I would be roughly half hour away, she'd get all antsy. She doesn't have a license and just expected me to drive her everywhere, I never once asked for petrol money and she would sometimes expect me to drive her 30-40km. I got very sick of it and in the end just gave up, there were other major issues that also affected the friendship, from her side, that made me just walk away. I left a 13 year friendship behind and don't regret it.


    ⭐️DS #1 born 15.03.2010⭐️
    ⭐️DS #2 born 16.02.2014⭐️
    ⭐️Me=29 💗 DP=34⭐️

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  6. #14
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    I had a friend that kept giving and giving even when I said you dont have to do that for me but she just kept giving and although I was thankful it made me feel really crap tbh because I couldnt afford to return the favours now she hardly talks to me...... maybe stop giving so much and see where it goes from there

    Me + DP 01.03.2010 = DD 22.02.2011 + DS 20.01.2014 = <3

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  8. #15
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    I had a friend like this and cut her off 3 yrs ago and have never looked back! There were also other bigger issues though.

    But I have a very good friend who does so much for me, she would do anything for me, and my family. She is just such a good person and very generous, and I often wonder what I can do for her or how I can repay her, I've even asked her!! But she says 'nothing' and when I've offered to help her with events like her DS bday party she's declined my offers. I'm so scared that one day she may think I'm ungrateful or that I'm a 'taker' I'm really not! I want to do as much for her as she does for me, but she just won't let me.

    Just another perspective

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    LiterallyNoOne  (21-06-2014)

  10. #16
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    Don't give with the intention of receiving, not only is it bad taste but it sets you up for dissapointment.

    On a side note- it would be nice if she made the effort to give to the friendship in her own way as well.

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  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I had a friend like this and cut her off 3 yrs ago and have never looked back! There were also other bigger issues though.

    But I have a very good friend who does so much for me, she would do anything for me, and my family. She is just such a good person and very generous, and I often wonder what I can do for her or how I can repay her, I've even asked her!! But she says 'nothing' and when I've offered to help her with events like her DS bday party she's declined my offers. I'm so scared that one day she may think I'm ungrateful or that I'm a 'taker' I'm really not! I want to do as much for her as she does for me, but she just won't let me.

    Just another perspective
    The difference is that you offer and you try, even though you know she will decline. That is your way of giving and I am sure she realises that.

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  14. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    Don't give with the intention of receiving, not only is it bad taste but it sets you up for dissapointment.

    On a side note- it would be nice if she made the effort to give to the friendship in her own way as well.
    I dont do the things I do in our friendship with the intention of receiving something back. What would I have to gain? I do them because she is my friend and I am able to. However, I have come to realise that perhaps a little gratitude is not to much to expect.

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  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    Do you think she might be embarrassed and therefore not wanting to make a fuss with her reactions/thanks? As in, just a conservative show of gratitude, even though she's actually really feeling a bit ashamed at you having to always pay her way or do her these favours? Just a thought as I really don't know why she wouldn't be showing her appreciation?
    As an aside, I don't understand how anyone could bring their whole family to a dinner and willingly have someone else pay! I couldn't do it, I'm actually cringing just thinking about it.

    You sound like a very caring and generous friend, I hope she really isn't taking advantage and maybe just really struggles to show how much it means to her.
    I wondered this too, I've been in a similar situation with a friend and I think it's a combination of shame and also limited social skills, more than being a taker. Now we tend to do free things together like meet at a playground with our kids for an hour or so, I'll buy her a coffee on my way but usually no more than that.

  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by hangingupsidedown View Post

    The conduct at your wedding screams cheap and nasty. We had people attend our wedding who weren't well off at all but still made the effort with a lovely card and small gift, something handmade or something sentimental for our home. .
    I don't agree. You can't say no gift and then expect a gift. No card is only about. 4/10 on the uh-oh scale in my books.

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