I think I'm going insane. Sleep deprivation is constant. Physical pain is constant. Depression, emotional pain and anger are constant. I have no joy.
DS is 19 months old and only becoming more difficult - tantrums lasting 1-2 hours several times day and night. DH about to start full time work for a very long time. No family or friend support. DH and I are not fit parents - he has anger management issues and I'm heading rapidly towards a breakdown. I can't stop crying. We are seriously considering that DS would be better off if we gave him up. We just can't seem to give him a happy or secure home. He crys all the time and screams "no no no" at us.
I'm on medication for PND but it's only taking the thinnest edge off. I drink excessively almost every day. For the first time I was so relieved to actually go to work yesterday rather than looking after DS for the day (I work part-time). Today has been a nightmare of screaming, crying, DH losing his sh!t and smacking DS several times and me also crying. DS is only happy when I'm carrying him and he's just too heavy for that for very long. As soon as I put him down he's screaming again.
I've made an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow but I just don't know how I'm going to survive until then.