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  1. #1
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    Default Sibling disappointment

    Before I go in details of my story I will give you some background information. Before my Dad met my Mum he was married to someone else and had 3 children his ex was a horrible woman who cheated (with my grandfather at one point) and actually starved my brother when he was a baby to the point of hospitalisation. They were in the process of getting divorced when my Dad met my Mum and she agreed he had to do what it took to get the kids and his ex wife didn't put up much of a fight as she didn't want my sister and one of my brothers but agreed to hand all 3 over to if he gave her his car which he did and he got the kids. My sister and the brother that was starved settled in great apparently but my other brother refused to get along with my Mum, he was spoiled by his mother and was the apple of her eye and hated being apart from her and would abuse my mother to the point she would break down but only when my Dad wasn't around so he never believed her so one day he pretended to go to work and hid in the house and heard it all first hand. Thinking it might help him he let my brother go to his mothers for a holiday but then he refused to come home. My Dad fought and fought to see his son but my brother was slowly poisoned against us. My sister and other brother however thrived and never showed any signs of jealousy when I was born which was what my parents feared would happen. Fast forward to my sister being a teen and she went to her bio mothers for holidays and fell in with a bad crowd and loved the freedom she got there as she had no rules because her bio Mum didn't care where she was or who she was with and so she asked to live there and finish high school. That left my other brother and I at home and we were close growing up and into part of our adulthood and we had a wonderful childhood, yes my parents were strict with certain things like studying and very strict on curfew but we were never spanked or treated badly in anyway. My sister soon learned what a bad idea it was to move in with her bio mother but instead of coming home like we thought would happen she ran away with her boyfriend and the next time we saw her was when she turned up with a baby and my parents welcomed them home with open arms. My other brother soon started seeing cracks in his mothers lies and eventually reached out to my Dad and reconnected with the family. So you would think things would be great we are all together one big happy family well wrong. My oldest brother (the one that left) always seemed to have a problem with one of us, it was like it was our fault he was away for so long but it was only my Mum, me and my sister he had a problem with my Dad and brother he was fine with. Fast forward a few years and he has not spoken to my sister or me in 13 years and we have no idea why or what we have done but I had moved on until recently when someone showed me a post he wrote on our cousins Facebook wall calling us fat $luts and deserved to die! I have no idea what started it and even if it is strange after all these years of no communication I can't help but feel disappointed that he would act this way. The brother I grew up with is another thing all together, we were close until I would like to say we grew up but I think I grew up before he did. While he was still out partying, having one night stands and cheating on whoever he was with I was engaged, living a quiet life with my then fiancé (now DH) and our baby. After seeing me get married I think he decided he wanted that and he rushed into a relationship with this girl who we all thought wasn't right for him but she was his choice and we respected it. Her beliefs stopped her from having children out of wedlock so wanting children he proposed and they married and they went on to have children. We all thought he had settled down and things were great but then his wife left him and we all got different stories from him as to why so my parents reached out to his wife to not only tell her she will always be family and welcome at their home but to find out what happened and what we found out has not only shocked me but also disappointed and disgusted me! He has apparently been having a long term affair, was get violent by throwing stuff around rooms and punching walls but had also spent a fair amount of money (close to $70,000) on hookers! In all honesty I cheer my SIL on for leaving him and I feel guilty because he is my brother shouldn't I be on his side? But I just can't look at him the same way and to top it all off he has blamed my parents for him being the way he is when all my parents have ever done is be there and support us. After all this my sister shouldn't bother me so much because what she does is so small compared to that. She constantly lies! And not even about anything anyone would give a crap about! I talked her into doing boot camp with me for support and also thinking it would be a fun thing we could do together and once a week the trainer does a weigh in screening to check our progress I was standing right there with her during this and saw the results and yet the next night she was lying to me about her results, plus she sent a pic to both my Mum and I in a group message and kept saying Mum told her she had lost more weight then me but my Mum never even replied to that message plus I was staying at my Mums that weekend and never heard my Mum say it but I casually mentioned it to Mum when I was telling her about the screening and my Mum got a little cranky saying she had never said that (my Mum hates lies as much as me) then my sister was suppose to play sport last night so my parents drive 2 hours to watch and cheer her on only for her to say she pinched a nerve in her back and she wasn't playing, well we all felt bad for her and offered all kinds of help but then this morning when I was at boot camp the trainer told me she told her it happened half way through her hockey game and when my parents went to her place this morning to take the washing they got last night to do here at my house to help her out and drop off a casserole they had made for dinner they found her dancing! Like I said hers is only small stuff but I can't stand the constant lying, whenever she opens her mouth I don't know if what is coming out is true! I think added to what my brothers have done it has really p!ssed me off!
    Sorry for my long post but I just had to vent.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to loodle For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (15-06-2014)

  3. #2
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Families can be incredibly exhausting! It's really hard when family members do crazy off the wall things, but I guess all you can do really is vent about it, as you are doing, and then concentrate on living a sane and stable life yourself!

    Take care.

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    loodle they sound poisonous I am no expert but I have a poisonous brother. He's such an ar$e!!! All I can say is distance yourself sibling or no sibling and live your own life with your own beautiful little family. See them obviously when you have to at family functions or whatever but be your own person with your own family. Be nice but be far. Toxic people are never good for us.

    This is what I'm doing with my ar$e of a sibling! It's helped a lot so far

    Good luck 😘

  5. #4
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    Gosh they sound exhausting, they sound like they have lots of issues probably stemming from their childhood.

    I also have 'disappointing siblings', but like LoCo does, I distance myself from them. I actually see them at least once a week as they still live with my mum, but they get a "hi" from me and that is it. I don't engage with them, I just don't want to. I don't talk to them or hang out with them. One of them feels the same way about me which is fine, we really just pretend each other doesn't exist, and the other one only occasionally tries to talk to me like everything's all good and rosy but I just give him one word answers and he quickly gets the hint and shuts up and goes away. That may sound horrible to some people but if you knew them you'd understand. I have no emotional attachment to them whatsoever. They are not good people.

    Anyway you probably don't need to take it to the extent I do, but I'd probably just not seek out their company, be polite at family occasions and make small talk but then go home and get on with your life, they sound like they cause you to much stress.

  6. #5
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    My older brother (the one I haven't spoken to in 13 years) I have no time for and have no interest in his life but am just truly disappointed that he seems to still holds a grudge (over what I don't know) and that he hasn't grown up. My sister it's the lies I can't handle and it takes every ounce of strength just to not just walk away from her but I can say I won't wash my hands of her because I am very close with her children and she treats all but one very poorly and while they are still young I will make sure I am easily accessible to them and if I cut her out she would ban them from contact. Plus as neglectful as she is of her own children she is great with mine and they love her and thinks she is wonderful. My other brother I see all the time as he now seems to have moved in with my parents which is another thing that makes me angry because he blames them for how he is but still sponges off them! I will keep the peace for my parents sake in their house but will probably never be close with him as I once was.

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    Yup my brother is a sponge to it's so annoying. He earns his own money but plays poor all the time. I can't stand lies to but I can see the reasons why you can't cut ties with your sister.

    Maybe she ll eventually mature up? Hope so for your sake I know how draining it can be hun.

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    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, I think anybody who writes hurtful things about somebody else hoping that they will read it after a long period of no contact, is obsessive and needs to move on with their life. It sounds to me like he is jealous of you, he probably resents your life.. Ignore him, ask your family not to tell you when he writes things about you. You are most certainly still on his mind given that he feels the need to talk badly about you, but don't let him consume your thoughts.. You are better then he will ever be & he knows that.
    Last edited by dee1; 15-06-2014 at 22:13.

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, I think anybody who writes hurtful things about somebody else hoping that they will read it after a long period of no contact, is obsessive and needs to move on with their life. It sounds to me like he is jealous of you, he probably resents your life.. Ignore him, ask your family not to tell you when he writes things about you. You are most certainly still on his mind given that he feels the need to talk badly about you, but don't let him consume your thoughts.. You are better then he will ever be & he knows that.
    He was always a glass half empty kind of guy who was always unhappy unless he felt better then someone and my Dad said that he probably knows that I am happy in my marriage and with my life as a Mum and his relationship with his wife has always been rocky and he is often kicked out of the house and won't see his kids until she lets him back in so what was said was probably out of jealousy. Plus my parents wrote up their wills around that time and the 3 of them each had their own problems with it but so that could have been the cause of it all as well.


 

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