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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cdro View Post
    When I was about 7, I was being bullied by a girl at school. It was not really the "done thing", but my mum came to school with me, asked me to point out the girl, and walked straight over to her and had a chat. I don't know what my mum said, and I'm sure she wouldn't have been aggressive, but I never got bullied again. I've never forgotten it, and I'd do the same for my DD if it ever came to that, even if it meant incurring the wrath of the parents.

    If you've already spoken to the teachers, I think they've been given a fair chance to sort it out and it sounds like nothing has happened. Not really good enough IMO.
    OP, whatever you do, don't take this advice!!!

    I had a mother do this to me in year 4, at lunchtime.
    It was completely out of line and all I had actually done was to tell her daughter that I don't want to play with her because she was bullying me (it was an ongoing thing and the mum just couldn't see her daughter in the wrong). After that I was too scared to stand up for myself and I was petrified of her mum doing it again. It was made worse by the fact that the school didn't see an issue with it.

    Regardless of how this girl is acting, it's completely inappropriate for you to approach her directly, in school.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    OP, whatever you do, don't take this advice!!!

    I had a mother do this to me in year 4, at lunchtime.
    It was completely out of line and all I had actually done was to tell her daughter that I don't want to play with her because she was bullying me (it was an ongoing thing and the mum just couldn't see her daughter in the wrong). After that I was too scared to stand up for myself and I was petrified of her mum doing it again. It was made worse by the fact that the school didn't see an issue with it.

    Regardless of how this girl is acting, it's completely inappropriate for you to approach her directly, in school.
    How frightening for you! No I'd never do it, particularly walking up to the child specifically to talk about it. This needs to be dealt with child-child, or through teachers or parents.
    @Cdro I'm glad it worked out for you though, but how long ago did that happen? I don't think schools would allow a parent to approach a child like that, these days. I think if I found out the school had allowed a stranger to talk to my child about *anything*, I would freak out.
    Last edited by Gothel; 13-06-2014 at 17:07.

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  5. #33
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    Do not approach other kids yourself, especially on school grounds. You could be told you aren't allowed on school grounds again and depending on how litigious the other child's parents are you might find they even file a police report.

    I dealt with a situation late last year where a father did this to his daughter's frenemy - it backfired as the other kids all thought he was scary and nuts, his daughter was humiliated and the other parent was livid. The deputy principal and I had to tell him his behaviour was unacceptable and that he wasn't allowed to speak to any child not his own on school grounds.

    Little girls can be remarkably bishy, I agree with Ripper Rita and would also ask your daughter to consider why the other girl acts like that - ie she feels worried that people won't be her friend if they don't follow her rules, and how sad that is (not to feel sorry for her, but to disempower her in your DD's mind).

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  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cdro View Post
    When I was about 7, I was being bullied by a girl at school. It was not really the "done thing", but my mum came to school with me, asked me to point out the girl, and walked straight over to her and had a chat. I don't know what my mum said, and I'm sure she wouldn't have been aggressive, but I never got bullied again. I've never forgotten it, and I'd do the same for my DD if it ever came to that, even if it meant incurring the wrath of the parents.

    If you've already spoken to the teachers, I think they've been given a fair chance to sort it out and it sounds like nothing has happened. Not really good enough IMO.
    Please please don't do this.
    I had this done to my dd. It was way out line and cause more issues. My dd had even done what this mum accused her of. Even if my dd had I still would have gone to the principal. It is never ok.

    A adult (mother) Bullying a child is never the answer.



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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyW View Post
    Little girls can be remarkably bishy, I agree with Ripper Rita and would also ask your daughter to consider why the other girl acts like that - ie she feels worried that people won't be her friend if they don't follow her rules, and how sad that is (not to feel sorry for her, but to disempower her in your DD's mind).
    That's a very good point, we haven't talked about that but I will definitely be bringing it up. Thanks for that

    Update: dd6 says D gave her another invitation today but it was left at school. There was some condition attached, she has to open the invitation and it will say something she needs to do before she's allowed come to the party. Ffs! Dd6 is adamant she wants to go but she isn't sure that she wants to invite D to her birthday!

    Ah well this is life I guess, people just get subtler about it as they grow older. If dd6 can learn to deal with this, she will have learned a valuable life skill!
    Last edited by Gothel; 13-06-2014 at 17:35.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cdro View Post
    When I was about 7, I was being bullied by a girl at school. It was not really the "done thing", but my mum came to school with me, asked me to point out the girl, and walked straight over to her and had a chat. I don't know what my mum said, and I'm sure she wouldn't have been aggressive, but I never got bullied again. I've never forgotten it, and I'd do the same for my DD if it ever came to that, even if it meant incurring the wrath of the parents.
    .
    I can't really advise OP as I don't have a daughter, but I am pretty sure this is exactly what I'd do! I would not intimidate the girl mind you, but I'd just have a little conversation with the girl as I'm pretty sure I know what I could say to put a stop to her behaviour towards my child. It has always been the way of little girls to exclude other little girls at times, but that doesn't mean we should stand back and allow it. I would not let anyone get away with excluding my DS. I am that mum. I have 'told off' toddlers and pre-schoolers before.... Just quietly.... I can't help it, I dive right in.

  11. #37
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    It's different with a pre-schooler I think though, I've told them off myself. But at that age if you let the moment pass its useless bringing it up later. Even as a mother though, if I found another mother telling my toddler off, I'd be p!ssed off. Especially because the mother is not normally far from the toddler.
    Once it's governed by school rules though, I think it's different. If I was sitting down having a 1on1 with the child I might bring it up, but that's unlikely to happen. I would have to manufacture a reason to talk to her, and I don't want to do that. If it's that important, it needs to be dealt with properly ie through teacher/parent routes.
    Last edited by Gothel; 13-06-2014 at 18:18.

  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    It's different with a pre-schooler I think though, I've told them off myself. But at that age if you let the moment pass its useless bringing it up later. Even as a mother though, if I found another mother telling my toddler off, I'd be p!ssed off. Especially because the mother is not normally far from the toddler.
    Once it's governed by school rules though, I think it's different.
    I'm sure it is. I am so against ongoing nastiness/bullying though. I guess because you said this has been going on for some time..... This girl is making your DD's life miserable and she cannot stop it. I myself remember how that felt and if I could put a stop to it with a few words to this girl (nothing nasty, I happen to believe - and was later told directly by the girls who were nasty to me at school - this girl is not evil but is looking for power for whatever reason and your DD is her target) I would do it, and put an end to it stat. I do feel for you and your DD OP.

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    You don't know both sides of the story so it's completely inappropriate to use your power as an adult to enforce your child's side. A parent should never approach another child on school grounds to reprimand them based on one set of information.

    (If you saw a child doing something obviously unsafe then yes, intervene in the moment.)

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    That may be so, but if no-one is doing anything about it and my DS had been miserable for some time because of it, then I would do it. I absolutely would!


 

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