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  1. #1
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    Default Someone other than you telling your 7yo what periods are...

    I am feeling very annoyed, but unsure if I should be, or not. As the title describes, my 7yo daughter informed me the other day that she knows about periods. This is what she said happened: She was staying at my husband's adult son's house over night for a sleepover, and his wife (my daughter's adult sister in law) told her all about periods because she "saw her tampons" and asked. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't really mind my daughter knowing what periods are, but I would have preferred to be the one to tell her the details, if that makes sense? I kind of see it as a daugher/mum talk. She hasn't really asked me, because there hasn't been an opportunity - I certainly had planned to talk to her, but I am now feeling very put out that my husband's son's wife decided to tell her all about it without a second thought. I would have preferred it if she had said something like - maybe that's something to talk to mum about? Would you have felt like this too? I haven't said anything to husband's son's wife, but sure felt like saying something. She really annoys me, and this is one more thing to add to the list.

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    I don't think I'd be annoyed about it, though perhaps I would be somewhat regretful that I hadn't broached it with her myself.

    I'd ask her what she knows about them to gauge what level of detail was described, but if it was just the basics then I think it is quite appropriate. I probably would have preferred an honest answer from SIL than covering it up or brushing off her questions.

    I guess this is now a great opportunity to have a chat about it on your terms and make sure she has the right level of info for her age and has the fact straight (cos goodness knows kids hear something totally different from what we tell them half the time!!)

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    I think I would be annoyed as well, as like you said it feels more like a mother/daughter topic to share together. So I can understand your frustrations there.
    On the other hand, your daughter asked her adult sister as the opportunity arose when she saw the tampons. I guess she felt it was the right thing to do to explain to her what they were and what they were for. Your DD probably had lots of questions for her.
    Perhaps you could raise the topic with your daughter and also discuss it together and keep it an open topic to share with one another? Explain to your DD that in time she will also get her first period and that she is to notify you. Perhaps even explain that one day you can both put together a menstrual bundle for her in preparation for her period.

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    I can understand why you feel annoyed.

    It's really nice you want(ed) to tell your DD yourself about this significant part of being a female. I found out off my cousins - can't remember how old I was, about 8? - they were the same age and older by 3 years and said 'you bleed every month for ever' and I was horrified! Horrified!! I would much have preferred mum to tell me but she never did!

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    She's taken away your chance to set the tone for a positive and open ongoing discussion about reproductive health. This doesn't mean you can't continue on with that and make sure your daughter is educated and supported as she grows up. However that was out of line IMHO and I would say something. Perhaps letting her know that in the future if your daughter asks about sex, reproductive issues, or very personal matters that she just advises her to ask her Mum. It's not like your daughter is 15 and looking for role models. She's 7. The woman could have very easily just said, that's something for Mums to talk about with kids. Ask your Mum.

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    If she is an adult and your daughter asked her a question I don't think it's inappropriate for her to tell her the truth. I wouldn't have minded at all. Your daughter saw tampons and was curious. It's not like she had a sex talk with her or anything like that. I see periods as nothing awkward or uncomfortable - it's a bodily function like going to the toilet or being sick, so for me it would have been no big deal.

    You had always thought you would have this experience with your daughter so it could be that you feel she robbed you of it. But I wouldn't have minded tbh.

    Good luck OP!

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    I completely get why you would be feeling this way.
    Although the SIL obviously didn't do it maliciously, it's still something that you were hoping to share with your daughter and that's totally understandable.
    However, I wouldn't be too upset by it, maybe just a bit "aw, that information probably should have come from me" but I certainly wouldn't be dwelling on it or hold it against SIL.

    I do understand though, it's an important conversation to have and you are entitled to have wanted your daughter to learn about it from you, her mother.

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    Quote Originally Posted by vue View Post
    She's taken away your chance to set the tone for a positive and open ongoing discussion about reproductive health. This doesn't mean you can't continue on with that and make sure your daughter is educated and supported as she grows up. However that was out of line IMHO and I would say something. Perhaps letting her know that in the future if your daughter asks about sex, reproductive issues, or very personal matters that she just advises her to ask her Mum. It's not like your daughter is 15 and looking for role models. She's 7. The woman could have very easily just said, that's something for Mums to talk about with kids. Ask your Mum.
    This.

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    Yep I understand, I would be upset if I hadn't been able to explain that to DD myself. Obviously your SIL wouldn't have even considered that her answering a little girls question would be a bad thing (I would say she thought she was doing the right thing) but yeah maybe next time you see her you can say something like "if DD brings up those sorts of topics again please just direct her to me, that way I can just keep the info consistent and at a level I know she will understand". I would also do what a pp suggested and ask my DD what was explained to her, and I would reaffirm that info with my own explanation and anything else you wanted to add.

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    I would be livid and quite emotional about the whole thing to be honest. I think she was way out of line. I don't think she should have made an issue of it, but like others have said I think she should have referred it to you.

    If it were my nieces that asked I would have said, 'they're tampons. Women use them when they get older. It's a long story but I'll let your mum know you'd like to talk about it. I'm sure she'll give you all the right information.'

    Hugs. I feel for you as that should have been your moment.


 

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