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  1. #1
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    Default Postnatal depression or just unhappy?

    I have a 10w dd and 2.5y ds. And I feel unhappy, mostly directed at my husband. We had a big argument a few weeks ago as he went on a boys weekend leaving me with the kids. I have lots of family support but I felt he should have been here. He had the nerve to suggest that my anger was post natal depression. Now I feel like anything I feel is not valid in his view.
    he is currently making me so annoyed because he will do the bare minimum around the house or with the kids and wants accolades for doing so.
    i can't express how I'm feeling because he dismisses it.
    im really unhappy in my marriage right now but feel I can't leave or do anything because of the kids. I want a better life. I want my kids to have a happy mum, happy parents.
    how do I know if it is over or if I should work to fix it?

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    It doesn't sound like PND, it sounds like there's a disconnect between the two of you in regards to what is expected of each other. What was he like prior to bub #2's arrival?

    Unless it was a special event like a best mates bucks weekend or a wedding etc I'd be pretty angry if DH went on a boys weekend such a short time after I'd had a baby!

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    Meant to say it sounds like he's using PND as an excuse - not cool!

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    Only you can know if you think you genuinely might have PND. If you're not sure there is a test they can administer at your GP.

    My opinion is things are fraught with a newborn, and this can exacerbate problems. I don't think it's the best time to make such a big decision.
    However, even if you did/do have PND, your feelings are still valid and you have a right to express these feelings without them being dismissed. I know how it feels to stop even bothering trying to communicate because you know what you say will be dismissed or mocked. It's not a way to live, and in my opinion can lead to depression. It also speaks to communication issues which may not be fixable without counselling.

    Fwiw, I would have been ropable to have been left alone unless there was a seriously good reason and it had been mutually agreed upon.

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    It was just a boys weekend, no special reason...

    thanks for the support. I'm feeling like I can't be bothered trying to work on it, it's hard enough fitting in all the effort 2 kids take. I'm worried about waking up 5 years down the track still unhappy

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    Your bub is very young could hormones be a partial contributor? My hubby is pretty good considering but he could do nothing right in the first 2 months! Everything he did have me the ****$!
    That being said your hubby going on a boys weekend when bub is so young is a bit off. My bub is 4 months and hubby still isn't game enough to skip out on the dinner/bath/bed routine as he is worried that it will be too much for me (I tell him to go to the pub with his mate and I will get a friends teenager to help with my two but he won't hear of it).

    If you need to take a few weeks or months or get your head straight then do it. I don't think this will mean you will be stuck with your hubby forever if things turn to custard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Your bub is very young could hormones be a partial contributor? My hubby is pretty good considering but he could do nothing right in the first 2 months! Everything he did have me the ****$!
    That being said your hubby going on a boys weekend when bub is so young is a bit off. My bub is 4 months and hubby still isn't game enough to skip out on the dinner/bath/bed routine as he is worried that it will be too much for me (I tell him to go to the pub with his mate and I will get a friends teenager to help with my two but he won't hear of it).

    If you need to take a few weeks or months or get your head straight then do it. I don't think this will mean you will be stuck with your hubby forever if things turn to custard.
    Off topic but that's kinda sweet. Dh went on night shift when dd2 was 15 days old for a week and then started travelling away after she was 7 weeks old. He has been home for 45 bedtimes this year.



    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    I would be ****ed at DH if he went away when we had such a young baby...he is about to go away for 10 days with work and we are both miserable about it lol

    I have no doubt that hormones/baby blues have some impact....but it does not excuse your partner being a git.

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    I'm not sure if I am on the right track but could your DH be feeling depressed after the birth of your second child?

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    Really hard to know. I know I certainly would be very angry if my DH suggested a boys' weekend when the new bub was that young. But were you generally unhappy before? Or is the boys' weekend the main cause of your frustration?

    Did your DH help much around the house and with your other child before the new bub was born? I guess what I'm trying to get at is has your DH's behaviour changed for the worse recently, or has he always been this way but your tolerance of his behaviour is lower now?

    If it's the latter it could be a case of baby blues or mild PND. I was suffering with ante-natal anxiety for awhile and nothing that my DH did was good enough - he would make me so mad. But once I started getting some help I realised it wasn't him that had changed, it was me and my attitude towards him. Now that I've had some counselling and am in a better place we've been able to talk to each other calmly and rationally and set out our expectations of each other. It has made things so much better!

    PND manifests itself in different ways in different people. It might be worth going and chatting to your GP, if only to rule it out. If it does turn out to be PND it's much better to start getting help as soon as possible rather than waiting and wondering.


 

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