I don't know what to do. I'm not even unhappy ... Just ... Empty. I'm 28, living in a small town far away from all my friends and family, working an entry level job (which I hate) because there are literally NO other opportunities in this town, and unable to have children.
Lately I've just kind of thought, "What's the point?" I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life, but it seems so unlikely anything will ever change.
Learning, accepting, and coming to terms with the fact that I can and will never have children is the hardest thing I've ever done. It has forced me to reassess the direction of my whole life. Accepting that you are unable to achieve the most basic and primal goal of life is both humbling and devastating. But that's not the worst part.
Now the initial shock has worn off, and I've finished grieving the children I will never have, the real grieving process has begun. Its not just about me. It's about everyone and everything in my life. It recently dawned on me that I have already reached all of the common milestones I will ever share with my peers. Their journeys have only just started, and mine has effectively ended. Not today, not tomorrow, but somewhere in the future, I will undoubtedly reach a point where I no longer have anything in common with them. They will be mothers and grandmothers, growing old and looking at their offspring with the pride of someone admiring their greatest achievement. And I will be old and alone with some trivial collection of experiences and possessions I have accumulated to trick others and myself into thinking my life has been worthwhile.
I dont even even know what the point of this thread is. I just feel so alone and wanted to get it out there. I can't talk to anyone about it (except DH), because they don't understand, and I don't want to burden them.
Yesterday I packed a bag, transferred half of the savings into my cash account, and just started driving away. It's crazy, I know. I had nowhere to go, and even if I did go somewhere the problems would still be there and I'd be so much worse off without the support of my DH, but I just feel so helpless and hopeless. I don't know what to do. What can I do?