+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    125
    Thanks
    141
    Thanked
    142
    Reviews
    0

    Default Not sure what the point is anymore ...

    I don't know what to do. I'm not even unhappy ... Just ... Empty. I'm 28, living in a small town far away from all my friends and family, working an entry level job (which I hate) because there are literally NO other opportunities in this town, and unable to have children.

    Lately I've just kind of thought, "What's the point?" I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life, but it seems so unlikely anything will ever change.

    Learning, accepting, and coming to terms with the fact that I can and will never have children is the hardest thing I've ever done. It has forced me to reassess the direction of my whole life. Accepting that you are unable to achieve the most basic and primal goal of life is both humbling and devastating. But that's not the worst part.

    Now the initial shock has worn off, and I've finished grieving the children I will never have, the real grieving process has begun. Its not just about me. It's about everyone and everything in my life. It recently dawned on me that I have already reached all of the common milestones I will ever share with my peers. Their journeys have only just started, and mine has effectively ended. Not today, not tomorrow, but somewhere in the future, I will undoubtedly reach a point where I no longer have anything in common with them. They will be mothers and grandmothers, growing old and looking at their offspring with the pride of someone admiring their greatest achievement. And I will be old and alone with some trivial collection of experiences and possessions I have accumulated to trick others and myself into thinking my life has been worthwhile.

    I dont even even know what the point of this thread is. I just feel so alone and wanted to get it out there. I can't talk to anyone about it (except DH), because they don't understand, and I don't want to burden them.

    Yesterday I packed a bag, transferred half of the savings into my cash account, and just started driving away. It's crazy, I know. I had nowhere to go, and even if I did go somewhere the problems would still be there and I'd be so much worse off without the support of my DH, but I just feel so helpless and hopeless. I don't know what to do. What can I do?
    Last edited by Cheese Please; 04-06-2014 at 14:03.

  2. #2
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,140
    Thanks
    4,541
    Thanked
    2,717
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi cheeseplease, I don't know what to say. Grief is not a simple thing to deal with. I don't know if you can find something to take your focus away from what you don't have. some people find hope by getting involved in charity work. thinking of the aussie woman who started the orphanage in Cambodia. perhaps some time away from your small town, might open your eyes to what is out there. As for your friends moving on, that will happen regardless of your situation, nothing stays the same, and friendships always change and sometimes end. hugs Marie.

  3. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),Gothel  (04-06-2014),KaraB  (04-06-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    2,354
    Thanks
    165
    Thanked
    531
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Not sure of the in's and out's regarding you and not being able to have kids but have you tried to get a second opinion ..?

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to RuffledPansy For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),penny92  (08-06-2014)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,022
    Thanks
    1,229
    Thanked
    1,952
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    wooooah hold on wait a minute!

    I am so so so sorry to hear your news, and it is certainly a lot to take in, and without a doubt must be devestating for you. Take your time to grieve those children that you can't conceive in the way that you would have hoped, and the way most get to do without thought or understanding of how lucky they are.

    But wait a minute, your journey is so very very far from over!!! You are 28 years old!!! Foster care, adoption, surrogacy - all very valid ways of starting your own family. This does not need to be over for you at all!

    But, if you choose that none of these things are for you, there are still so many many things you can do with your life, and so many goals to acheive. So many hugs for you xox

  7. The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to CazHazKidz For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (04-06-2014),Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),Chippa  (04-06-2014),DJ Nette  (04-06-2014),GlitterFarts  (04-06-2014),KaraB  (04-06-2014),Mod-Degrassi  (04-06-2014),ourbradybunch  (04-06-2014),penny92  (08-06-2014),Phony  (04-06-2014),RaaRaaMumma  (04-06-2014),RipperRita  (04-06-2014),Sethysmum  (04-06-2014)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    304
    Thanks
    95
    Thanked
    112
    Reviews
    0
    @Cheese Please

    It may seem hopeless but there are always opportunities. I am 27.... we were told we would never have kids. We cant have kids naturally... I only have 35 chromosomes and my husband has a very low sperm count. We are trying icsi with genetic testing and blah blah blah but the reality is we may never have children.

    If you have looked at all the options available to you and still have decided there are no options then find something else you are passionate about until medicine catches up to you.

    I have struggled with this for a long time. Recently I started volunteering a lot and found that I love it.... maybe I throw myself into my new volunteering role too much because of the lack of children issue but for now it keeps me going.

    Good luck x

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Galea For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014)

  10. #6
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    9,661
    Thanks
    3,787
    Thanked
    2,144
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    It is a huge thing to take in I am sure.

    I just want to add that my favourite Aunty has no kids, but she still contributed an amazing amount to my life, and she loves my boys as well. She is an extremely valued member of the family.

  11. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MilkingMaid For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),KitiK  (04-06-2014),penny92  (08-06-2014),Phony  (04-06-2014)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I can relate to some parts of your current experience and hope my advice helps.

    I spent the last almost 8 years living on the other side of the country to my old friends and my family for my DH's work. I struggled almost every day with the homesickness. I 'settled in' to my new homeland, making good friends, new interests (I was a city girl living rural) and changing careers due to limited opportunity for my old career. I've just moved back to my home city and it hasn't magically fixed all my problems but I am so happy to be back. I spent so much time trying to push down my longing to be 'home' and just getting on with it, but it was eating away at me.

    Are there plans or actions you can take in a positive direction here? Either to settle in where you are or a long term plan to be somewhere else?

    Also, I've had some great jobs (and bad ones!) but always had a niggling feeling of pointlessness about what I did. Chance saw me with an opportunity to work with children which led to me requalifying as a primary teacher. That void was filled, I felt at last like I was actually doing something worthwhile. Working with children might be a bit hard given your own struggle with childlessness, however there are other careers that give greater personal reward and it could be worth looking into a change or studying a course online.

    Finally, remember that we can't control everything. Focus on the parts of your life that you can change and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2,004
    Thanks
    291
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Like milking maid, I also have an auntie who doesn't have children and she is an amazing woman who I and my sister love so much. Our family wouldn't be the same without her! If you have the desire for children, maybe fostering might be a way to contribute to the lives of children who need love?

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ruby_Tuesday15 For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),KaraB  (04-06-2014)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I'm sorry you feel this way. Have you considered a bit of counselling to assist you with your grief and where to go from here?

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    Cheese Please  (04-06-2014),Gothel  (04-06-2014)

  18. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    125
    Thanks
    141
    Thanked
    142
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks for all of your replies. I'm at the hairdresser and reading them has made me burst into tears. Embarrassing ...

    I'll write more when I'm home and don't have people looking at me like I'm a crazy person.

    I still don't know what to do, but I do feel a bit better now for getting it out. Thanks for your replies and support


 

Similar Threads

  1. Did you have a point where...
    By Buttoneska in forum General Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 14-04-2014, 11:22
  2. At what point would I stop trying to BF?
    By Sqiz in forum Breastfeeding Support
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 04-01-2014, 21:04

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Softmats
With so many amazing reversible designs, the soft and cushioned Premium Bubba Mats are the perfect space for all the family. Not only do they look fantastic; you can also enjoy the quality and comfort for years to come.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Life Fertility
Life Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF specialists offer professional, holistic, personalised options for the treatment of each patient’s specific needs.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!