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  1. #1
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    Default Newly single parent :(

    Hi all, well I never expected to end up being seperated, I always had the ideal that marriage was forever and really worked on our marriage. But hubby didnt make as much effort, it was always me trying to fix things and organise days out ect. We went through IVF together have a beautiful baby first go too but we did fight a lot after she was born but i would always forget about it as we are tired we both work and not sleeping great. All of a sudden he thinks its not normal to ague well of course it is! and hasnt wanted sex since I have had the baby and when i try instigate he pushes me away. He seems to have changed. He gets so snappy and swears at me and calls me names. Its horrible I really miss him but I know this is for the best, i ended up leaving a few nights ago his behaviour is not acceptable I have been putting up with being put down too long. He did something months ago that almost made us end our marriage then and me question whether i trust him but I forgave and moved on and now all of a sudden its all my fault I dont trust him. I am hurt that he hasnt even bothered to try and fix things not even a call or message to say come back lets work it out. nothing. So today I applied for child support and single parent pay. I never thought it would be me. I always wanted my little girl to have a happy family with both parents. I just cant believe he isnt even fighting for us and has just given up. I dont want my daughter growing up thinking its ok for a man to speak like that to his wife and know its for the best but it hurts that im not even worth fighting for

  2. #2
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    It is so hard to begin with. It will get easier with time. It is a grief process. I hope he comes to his senses, and realises what he is missing out on.

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    I remember your original issue with your husband and marriage. . sorry to hear about things turning out the way they did, but you are a strong and brave woman for having the courage to recognise and leave an abusive and unhappy marriage. Nobody should put up with being treated with disrespect and contempt on top of everything else he has done to you.

    If he is unwilling to address his behaviour and take responsibility for his part in the marriage breakdown, you'll probably find he will never change and this behaviour will continue into the future. The fact he hasn't called you or asked for another chance speaks volumes about his lack of commitment to working on your marriage. I'm sorry you're going through this but I think a happier life awaits you without abuse and mistreatment..and that is something to look forward to.
    Last edited by hangingupsidedown; 03-06-2014 at 16:30.

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    SuperGranny  (13-06-2014)

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    It sounds like you tried for a long time so please don't feel like you have let your daughter down. It takes two to make a marriage work.

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    It's so horrible when you feel like your just not important to them because they can't even make an effort to fight for your marriage! My ex did that to me!!! *hugs* you will get through it and your daughter will have a strong mummy he can look up to proudly!

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    THanks for your support it means a lot. It does really hurt that he is acting as though he is the victim and angry that I am the one that left. Even though he is the one that let me leave and dint contact me for three days only to see bub so I applied for child support and now that is the reason he is angry like hello you told me you have no feelings for me anymore! I gave him a chance and he blew it I'm so angry he hasn't tried and silly me asked if he wanted to try counselling days a go and he said he had to think about it! I'm still waiting ! If he has to think about it we'll that says a lot. I am so angry and hurt he can go jump I don't deserve this treatment

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    Thank you I will definitely get that book. He used to verbally a use me a lot and call me names and swear at me
    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Sorry to hear that you are in this position.

    I don't remember your original post, however if he has been abusive to you it is common for him to now play the vicitm. My exdh certainly was like this. I would recommend you get your hands on "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. It gives a fantastic insight into the pysche of abusive men and I found it very comforting after I left my exdh. It made me change my thinking about him and understand what I had been through.

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    Hi clucky14. Just wanted to give you some hugs. I followed your other thread and for your sake I am so glad for you that you've left him. I know it's really hard right now and you feel like everything you wanted is not possible now but it will be. With someone who treats you as you deserve.

    You are a smart and strong lady and a great Mum for showing your DD how not to be treated. Good on you!

    You have every right to feel ripped off, pi$$ed off, betrayed, sad, abandoned, all of it. Hope you have some love around you from family and friends.

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    I really feel for you!!! My ex was an *** and did the exact same thing!! He made out like he was the victim like he had no idea why I had left and when I finally told him after 18 months of being split that I was seeing some one else he actednlike I had broken his heart and like we had been planning to getting back together and I had betrayed him!! Seriously?? He didn't even try to get me back!

    Just keep pushing on and try not to take too much of his **** to heart!!! You're doing the right thing!

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    KaraB  (15-06-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilsMum View Post
    I really feel for you!!! My ex was an *** and did the exact same thing!! He made out like he was the victim like he had no idea why I had left and when I finally told him after 18 months of being split that I was seeing some one else he actednlike I had broken his heart and like we had been planning to getting back together and I had betrayed him!! Seriously?? He didn't even try to get me back!

    Just keep pushing on and try not to take too much of his **** to heart!!! You're doing the right thing!
    My ex is similar. Even though our split was years ago any time I've tried to date he's been jealous even when he's had a partner. Men can be weird :/


 

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