+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 44
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,320
    Thanks
    1,004
    Thanked
    783
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Op, it's your baby, your choice.
    It would be nice if others didn't disrespect that, but they do.
    I would suggest to avoid upset and stress that you keep the gender to yourself.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Liddybugs For This Useful Post:

    Little Miss Sunshine  (31-05-2014)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,102
    Thanks
    891
    Thanked
    630
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Sorry but I don't think you can pick and choose which grandparents are told. You're setting yourself up for a really unhealthy relationship with your inlaws if you tell your parents but not your partner's parents. I realise she has shown she doesn't deserve to be trusted but I personally think that's a bit of a nasty thing to do.

    I wouldn't tell anyone.
    I disagree, I think the OPs parents shouldn't be 'punished' so to speak by not being told when they've respected the parents decisions. I do agree that telling her parents and not his will cause problems in her in law relationship but I think the MILs actions and who cares attitude suggest that those problems would've come along anyway. I wouldn't tell her the gender and I would also let her know why she is not being told. You need to make it very clear from the outset that although she may not always agree with yours and DHs parenting decisions, she must abide by them or she will not be included.

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Mama Mirabelle For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (01-06-2014),FrothyFrog  (31-05-2014),LoveLivesHere  (31-05-2014),Meld85  (31-05-2014),Strawberry Kisses  (31-05-2014)

  5. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    OP given your partner is close to his dad could he speak to him about your concerns? Maybe that might work to impress on her the importance to you that she not share the information?

    Would you tell your FIL and not your MIL?

  6. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    395
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked
    253
    Reviews
    0
    I feel bad for you. I hope your MIL isn't like mine, but I think she probably is.

    My MIL has done so many things that have hurt me over the last 16 years but the two that have really stood out are

    1. Telling my DH what my wedding dress was like before the wedding. (He is an only child and I thought I would include her in the dress shopping - only to have her announce to him over dinner what it looked like. I changed my dress because of this).

    2. Announcing to our friends that we were pregnant. (After we told both sets of parents, she frantically contacted our friends to let them know).

    We didn't find out the gender of our DD and only picked the name when I was in labour, but I know that she would have announced it far and wide had she known (regardless of our wishes).

    I have had no contact with the in-laws for a blissfully quiet 5 years (even though DH and DD both have contact with them - I'd never stop that).

    My advice is if you want it to be kept a secret - don't tell.

    Good luck in your pregnancy and the birth of your beautiful baby.

  7. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    4,283
    Thanks
    8,215
    Thanked
    3,927
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Liddybugs View Post
    Op, it's your baby, your choice.
    It would be nice if others didn't disrespect that, but they do.
    I would suggest to avoid upset and stress that you keep the gender to yourself.
    This. You'll learn quickly that people will talk and gossip. Particularly MILs. Not much you can do so if it really bothers you don't tell anyone.

    As for unwanted advice on how to do things in relation to bubs, MILs love to dish that out (amongst plenty of others but MILs are the worst!). Plenty on threads on here confirm that. I just politely thank my MIL (with gritted teeth) and then usually do the exact opposite

    Its something you'll have to learn to deal with, it's part and parcel of being a first time mum.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 31-05-2014 at 07:08.

  8. #26
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    4,222
    Thanks
    894
    Thanked
    3,218
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think it's difficult to tell some people and not others, and then expect it to stay a secret for months. What if you told people that the sonographer wasn't able to see the gender, but then maybe if it's so important to you you could just tell your palliating grandmother? But then you'd need to understand that she may also let it slip.
    And then you said you'd also need to tell your mum, your DP would need to tell his dad and his grandma, and you'd also need to be hiding pretty much all your baby purchases from your remaining friends and family.... I think you'll be hard pressed to keep it a secret OP.

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,969
    Thanks
    3,594
    Thanked
    892
    Reviews
    15
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'd not tell her. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to keep information to themselves. But I'm also someone who tells my parents more than what DH tells his dad. For us, it's the relationship that we have with our own parents. I'm close to

    As an aside, I'm one of those who are planning on finding out and not telling people the sex.

    Why? Because my friends don't want to know. I wasn't originally going to find out but I can't wait another 20 weeks. We don't do a nursery and we don't really want a shower so the whole gender neutral thing doesn't bother me. We already have a kid so we don't really don't need much else and I kinda like buying my own baby clothes. I'm also another who gets really excited when friends announced what they have and name etc.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to smallpotatoes For This Useful Post:

    Chippa  (31-05-2014),LoveLivesHere  (31-05-2014)

  11. #28
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Don't tell. Whisper it to your grandma with a wink.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to babyla For This Useful Post:

    Butterfly39  (31-05-2014),VicPark  (31-05-2014)

  13. #29
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    142
    Thanks
    50
    Thanked
    84
    Reviews
    0
    We found out the gender and only told our parents. As far as I know, they never told anyone else, but it's still a risk telling anyone if you want it kept quiet. We told everyone else that we didn't find out the gender. If you want to keep it a secret from MIL, then you won't be able to tell anyone on your DH's side of the family as you can't expect your FIL to keep a secret from his wife.

    We had a neutral nursery and kept all the baby clothes that were pink in another room. It's really hard keeping it a secret as it's so easy to slip and say he/she when referring to bub.

  14. #30
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jmeleem View Post
    Dont get me wrong i do see both sides!
    I think what got me most was her "who cares" attitude.
    This is exactly what I think the issue is. You asked her not to disclose something (its kind of irrelevant what that was), she blabbed it anyway, and when you pulled her up on it she said "well who cares". Well YOU care!

    I wouldn't tell her anything else that I wanted kept quiet, period. She has shown she can't keep it quiet. I learned my lesson on this one a few years back when a friend blabbed some very private information about me to all her friends - I had confided in her and she knew it was a confidence but she didn't care. I'm no longer friends with her because I was so hurt, I know you can't cut your mil off like that OP but if she won't respect your wishes then too bad, so sad.

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Gothel For This Useful Post:

    LoveLivesHere  (31-05-2014),TheGooch  (31-05-2014)


 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pyjamas.com.au
With so many gorgeous brands and styles for every season, our pyjamas, nighties, robes, sleepsuits and sleeping bags are lovely for lights out and perfect for lazy days. Get 10% off first order using code bubhub. Be quick offer ends 31/12/16.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!