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  1. #1
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    Default MIL issue

    So im 18 weeks pregnant and its the first grandchild for both my parents and my DP's parents so understandably they are quite excited.
    We decided on names quite early and have always said we would find out the gender. We also made the decision to only share the names with parents and grandparents and for everyone else it was to remain a surprise for when Peanut is born. We explained this to MIL and she agreed. Great i thought!

    Well no apparently not, tonight she proceeded to announce it to a room full of HER friends and some of my DP's family. Not only going against our wishes but also when a friend of hers pointed out we dont want it announced as yet she proceeded to say "well who cares they find out the gender next week anyway" as if that makes it okay.

    Im pretty p***ed off as its not her news to share!

    We are now contemplating not telling her the gender of the baby when we find out next week as it is also something we dont want shared with everyone till birth.

    Am i being unreasonable or overreacting? I cant help but feel she has completely undermined our wishes.

    PS she is also now trying to tell me how we should be set up for bubs and what to do and what she did and what is best for MY baby.

  2. #2
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    If you don't want people to know until the birth, don't tell her.

    I told everyone what we were having. I don't get why people find out then keep it a secret tbh.

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  4. #3
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    Sorry but I tend to agree you were hoping for a lot when you told people and then expected it to remain a secret.

    For me the sex of the baby is mainly of interest to the parents and immediate family, I never understand why people who know don't tell everyone when they've already told the people who care most.

    Tell everyone or tell no one. That's the only way to avoid disappointment.

    ETA: do you really care if her friends know? As for your partner's family I agree it's a sucky way to find out.

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  6. #4
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    If you don't want her to know and you want it to be a surprise to people then don't tell her. She'll announce it again - you know she probably will!

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    Sounds like you need to set some boundaries, do it now as it's only going to get worse! That said it is very exciting for her too, maybe she's just getting carried away.
    personally I don't understand why you'd find out the gender and pick a name but only tell a few selected people, I'd either keep it to myself and partner or tell everyone... that's just me tho. You shouldn't tell her if you don't want anyone else to know she obviously won't keep it a secret.

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  10. #6
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    I wouldn't tell them the gender. It sounds like she's already dismissing your wishes as the child's parents and if you let it go I think she'll just continue. Especially if she's already trying to tell you what to do with your baby! Will she also dismiss your feeding and sleeping routines for bub and discipline techniques in the future with a "Who cares?" response??

    I've never been in your situation but I can completely understand why you'd be peeved!

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    I agree with Sonja - tbh and blunt, nobody cares about it but the parents so either tell everyone or no one. I don't think it's fair to expect excited first time grandparents to keep your secrets so I just wouldn't tell them as it will upset you too much.

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    Personally i dont want to find out. The only reason we are is because my grandma is ill and has been told she wont be here to meet bubs. I dont want her leaving us not knowing anything about bubs. Then the argument that if my grandparents know then his should know started as his nan has cancer. Our compromise was we find out so we can tell them should anything happen but keep it hush hush from everyone else. The ONLY reason we are finding out is for them. Its my grandmas first great grandchild and she is already devastated she probably wont be here.

    And as for our parents well im close to my mum so its a given id share news with her. And my DP has the same relationship with his dad.

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    Dont get me wrong i do see both sides!
    I think what got me most was her "who cares" attitude.

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    I think it's perfectly reasonable to request that family keeps a secret. It doesn't matter if anyone thinks Op's secret is silly. It's hers and her DPs to have.
    If the family can't or won't abide by your wishes, tell them nothing. Your MiL only has herself to blame if she has to wait to find out anymore.
    Also agree with previous poster, set boundaries now!!!

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