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  1. #41
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    I don't think you need to suck it up at all. I think having her at your wedding will make you feel more adverse towards her. If it was me i would just tell her how I felt -possibly in writing- and then cease contact. I don't know if I would trust her to adjust her behavior. I doubt she would change, but maybe I'm just cynical. There's not going to be an easy way to tell her you aren't interested in spending time with her anymore so just bite the bullet and do it. Then it's done and you can relax and enjoy your wedding. Good luck

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    DarcyJ  (31-05-2014)

  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    When she laughed at my DS after he fell, I was too concerned with trying to comfort him to say anything to her. I was really angry but if I had started something with her at that point it would have only upset my son more so I just walked away with him and came back when we had calmed down. I was already annoyed with her that day because she had come over uninvited with her son who is sick and kept trying to get them to play together, while I kept moving DS away and saying things like "DS, don't get too close to A, he's sick and I don't want you to get sick." But evidently she didn't care. Her husband came straight out and told her to keep them apart and she rolled her eyes at him.

    I honestly don't think she's depressed. The thought had crossed my mind but in all other ways she seems fine. Her house is always spotless, she is excited about her new house and looking forward to going back to work etc. She has hobbies that she enjoys and is always going out with friends and keeping busy. She was always quick to anger and I think I just ignored it but I can't stand it when it's directed towards a baby.

    I have talked to DF and he understands my position, he has always disliked her but just never really said anything. We have talked a bit before now about the way she is but I've never been so serious about wanting to cut her out. But he wasn't much help really. I asked him what he thinks I should do and how he would feel about potentially losing his best man (because I'm sure he would drop out of the wedding if she did) and he just said he doesn't know.
    So it sounds like from what you're saying here that she's just a bit of a cow. To turn up unannounced (MAJOR pet peeve of mine) while her DS is sick is pretty lousy...she is showing complete disregard for your child as well as her own it sounds like. She sounds really unpleasant. I don't blame you for wanting to cut her off. This mustn't be an easy thing to have to deal with...I don't envy your situation at all. If your DF has always disliked her then he shouldn't expect you to put up with her so he keeps his friendship with her DH. They're grown men, surely they can figure something out.

    Maybe send her a text message telling her how you feel. And let her know that due to her behavior and disregard of your DS's well being that you would like some distance. I would be p!ssed off as well if someone laughed at my DS if he fell and hurt himself. If she isn't depressed and acting odd due to that, then she sounds like not a very nice person. If that's the case with her, then I wouldn't personally be phased with telling her how I felt in a situation like this. Clearly you have nothing to lose - other than her, which sounds like it would be for the best. Just type out a text and send it, as TBH i don't feel from what you're saying here that she even deserves much more than that.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 31-05-2014 at 19:35. Reason: typos

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  5. #43
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    ^^ Agreed! What's worse than the confrontation of ending your friendship? - Having to endure her company for one minute longer. I would take a few minutes of unpleasant over dealing with someone like that any day.

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  7. #44
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    When did your son get hurt and have you seen her since?

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    KaraB  (31-05-2014)

  9. #45
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    It was a few days ago now and no, I haven't seen her. I'm most likely going to try to keep my distance until I have worked out what I want to say to her. Apart from a few comments on Facebook things there has been no contact.

  10. #46
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    I think in that time frame you can call her on it. If you left it a year then said something it's too late, but a few days, a week is time to call her on it.

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  12. #47
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    ^^ Agreed

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  14. #48
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    I've been thinking about this. The whole thing has probably been made more dramatic and painful than what it needs to be because you haven't addressed inappropriate things as they have popped up. If she laughed at your kid hurting herself then a simple "that's not funny" would get your message accross. If she calls her kid feral say something like "dr Phil says it takes a thousand 'attaboys' to make up for one 'you're not good enough." Keep doing this and the 'friend' would quickly learn where your boundaries are. If she is uncomfortable she will probably pull away slowly. By her responses, you would quickly learn where your friendship lies.

    Letting things bottle up and then hitting her with one big whammy of a whinge is not an effective way of dealing with it. It will end in the other lady feeling attacked, the friendship over, hubby missing out on having his mate at your wedding.

    If you have any patience for her left, try being a bit more vocal when she ticks you off, and see where that gets you.

    - just offering another tactic for your consideration.

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  16. #49
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    I actually "fired" one of my bridesmaids and cut ties with her before our wedding too, after she attended our engagement party and stayed at our place for a few nights during which she continually made comparisons between my relationship/life choices and hers and put down my DH many, many times. She was very rude to my DH and I was left feeling sick and so upset at the idea that she felt it was okay to act and speak that way. We'd been best friends for yeeeeeears but had been growing apart slowly and that little performance really drove home that we just weren't friends anymore.

    I ended up emailing her a couple of days after she left and just laid out what I felt and why I felt that way, including examples of her inappropriate comments and behaviour. She apologised in a half-a$$ed way and said she thought I was just being a bit sensitive and precious. That really drove home how little she thought of the importance of my feelings. I emailed back saying I would be in contact if and when I was ready. It took about six months and I did end up contacting her again but it's never been the same.

    She now says that the things I said to her and my response were a real wake up call for her as other friends had been pulling away from her too but she had been too caught up in her own world to even notice. Me at least giving her my reasons and telling her how hurt I was, even though she didn't put a lot of thought into it at the time she was able to reflect on it later and appreciate that she needed to make changes. She's still working on it, but has made steps in the right direction.

    For what it's worth @DarcyJ, I'm glad I chose not to have her in my wedding party. You need people there with you during the lead up planning and on the day who you know can be completely selfless and helpful. Only choose someone who you think fits that description, you'll be so relieved and feel more in control on the day when you have those supportive people there
    Last edited by Tattereds; 01-06-2014 at 19:29.

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  18. #50
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    Hmm maybe I'm the only one taking this in a different light. My mum often laughed at me when I got hurt, never seriously, too lighten the situation and looking back I think that was her way of staying calm and not freaking out. Too not encourage me too making tripping over a big deal. Of course I still got a hug n bandaid too. Maybe she is trying to be a chilled parent but doesn't know how or what the line is and is messing it up. On the inside I'm sure she freaks when her or your kid gets hurt she just doesn't know what to do. hard to tell without meeting her or knowing her like you do.


 

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