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  1. #1
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    Default How do you cut ties with someone...

    I don't know if this is the right place to post so apologies if it should go somewhere else.

    I have a friend who I have been close to for years. Her husband and my DF are also good friends. We've gone on holidays together etc, and had our babies close together.

    Ever since she has had her son I can't stand her. She makes everything a competition and I can't stand the way she speaks to/about her son, he's only a baby and she's always calling him names and saying how 'feral' he is etc. He is always hurting himself because she tries to pretend he can do things that he can't (like "hey look he's sitting up by himself already, way before your child did blah blah" then he falls over and smacks his head on the tiles because he actually can't sit up by himself and she's let him go. She once gave him his dinner and burnt him because she didn't bother to test the temperature first but apparently it was really funny because he made faces and cried. Who would laugh at that? I hit breaking point today when she let my son fall head first onto the tiles and then laughed at him.

    Anyway, the biggest issue here is that our wedding is coming up and this girl was meant to be my bridesmaid but I can't do it. I can't stand her and I don't want her in the wedding party and I'm not sure if I even want her at the wedding. But I don't know how to go about fixing this. She probably has no idea that I don't like her because I'm such a wuss I've never pulled her up on her behaviour. So I don't know how to even start the discussion about her not being my bridesmaid anymore. Also, her husband and mine are still good friends and he's meant to be best man but if I kick her out I'm sure he'll follow. And I'll feel bad about ruining their friendship.

    If anyone has bothered to read this massive rant I would love to hear your advice

  2. #2
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    Wow what a horrible situation. And what a horrible lady, her poor child. Who does stuff like that?

    If it was me I would just cut ties but yes if you don't invite the wife then the husband probably won't come and you need to be prepared for that.

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    DarcyJ  (30-05-2014)

  4. #3
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    I would just end it cold turkey.

    Perhaps go over with your husband and together explain that due to her actions (in particular letting your child hurt themselves) you no longer wish for her be part of your wedding or to be in contact with her.

    As for your husbands then it's just unfortunate, but probably best that you have no contact with the entire family.

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  6. #4
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    Why don't you approach her about these thing, and just ask if she could stop because you don't like it and go from there. It will give you a lead as to whether it's worth continuing with the friendship, or it will give you the chance to cut ties with her. However, you of course need to expect that if you cut ties with her her husband will stand by her and pull out of the wedding...that's still better than having someone you don't want to be friends with in all of your wedding photos though.

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  8. #5
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    Hmmm. It's a hard one.

    I don't think you should be going straight into, 'you're not my bridesmaid anymore'. She needs a chance to know what she's doing to alienate you and others around you and you should be easing in to something like that.

    Can you decide not to have grooms people at all? Maybe just say you've decided to make the wedding more intimate?

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    DarcyJ  (30-05-2014),GrabbyCrabby  (02-06-2014)

  10. #6
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    That is really tricky. She sounds really irresponsible. Is your partner on board and if not will he 'get' the situation?

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    DarcyJ  (30-05-2014)

  12. #7
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    It seems to me that you're afraid of confrontation. I get this (I am too). But by bypassing confrontation direct to 'you aren't my bridesmaid anymore' you're looking at a whole world of trouble. Approach her first with your concerns no matter how hard it feels. The outcome will then work itself out

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  14. #8
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    I agree with Naboo if you confront her behaviour the rest will just fall into place and she probably would pull out of being your bridesmaid or realise how stupid and damaging her behaviour is.

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  16. #9
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    How far away is the wedding? I think it's harsh to just tell her she is no longer your bridesmaid without any explanation. I would probably go ahead with having her as bridesmaid but slowly distance myself from her if she doesn't change.

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  18. #10
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    I think you need to give her a chance to correct her behaviour, only because ending the friendship will also affect your DH.

    If you can't do it face to face, either call her or text her. I would start out by saying "I've been uncomfortable with our friendship for awhile now as I feel like it has turned competitive. I realise we parent differently, but I don't think it's okay for a good friend to laugh when my baby hurts themselves. It really upset me today when ......." You could preface the convo with "Are you happy in our friendship?"

    Maybe she doesn't like you either?? There are always two sides to every story, you may be able to sort it out without a big fuss.

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