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  1. #31
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    Which is why I apologised for derailing the thread and told the OP it sounds like she faced a difficult situation. I just honestly didn't get the reference in the title!

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  3. #32
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    Its not a once off though. So I wouldn't give the money. I would just say sorry but no. If you need help I will help you go looking for further assistance but you need to be doing something more.

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I haven't read any replies. I have been in this situation before. Do not give her money unless she agrees to make changes regarding seeking assistance/ ceasing to pay her sons rent. If you do this, you will be enabling your friend to continue to make bad decisions.
    Rubbish. The attitude of 'I will only help out my friends if it 's on my terms and accords with my worldview' is abhorrent. Sometimes we must just help, no questions asked. Not all the time, not in every situation, but just often enough so that our right to pass judgement doesn't outweigh our duty to be compassionate. Clearly, this is just my opinion, and I guess there are whole branches of moral philosophy out there in disagreement with me!

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  6. #34
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    I'd assume having custody of her grandchildren would also mean she'd be getting ftb for them. She can ring centrelink and ask for an urgent payment from her next payment in advance.

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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Rubbish. The attitude of 'I will only help out my friends if it 's on my terms and accords with my worldview' is abhorrent. Sometimes we must just help, no questions asked. Not all the time, not in every situation, but just often enough so that our right to pass judgement doesn't outweigh our duty to be compassionate. Clearly, this is just my opinion, and I guess there are whole branches of moral philosophy out there in disagreement with me!
    It's not about getting someone to play by my terms. It's about looking at the big picture.... the long term welfare of the kids not just the short term. The kids will continue to have a crappy life if their grandma continues to fail to ask for welfare and continues to support her deadbeat son. Giving someone who is hopeless with money more money won't benefit those kiddo's in the long term. It will simply enable the grandma to continue to make bad decisions and create a crappy life for the kids.

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  10. #36
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    My FIL was hopeless with money and gambled quite a bit.. One day he asked hubby and I for money for food. While he was drinking a beer and smoking a pack of ciggies. We thought about it and said no. Then saw him buy a couple of bags of treats for a lady friend and her kid..... He ended up losing his house and needing Government assistance. Even then he continued to fritter and smoke away the limited money he had. There was no changing him despite begging him to get help. My point is if people continually make bad decisions they are doomed regardless of whether you give them $50 here and there. Don't let yourself be dragged down with them.
    - if someone is in a bad spot because of bad luck, they are making good decisions and trying to improve their situation ... Then that is a different story.

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  12. #37
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    OP stated that the friend has already advised she will not be paying it back and will be asking for money in the future.

    You must be able to see the trap Op is scared of falling into and we are giving advice on how to help without being taken advantage of. I don't think it is unreasonable to say - 'I will help you out of this ditch but I want to help you so you can move forward and not be forced to borrow again.'

    Basically she has paid her sons rent first and is worrying bout her grand kids food as an afterthought. She has done no research on how the government can help her - choosing instead to use the charity of her friends to assist with funding her generosity...

    In sorry for anyone who considers it morally reprehensible for anyone not wanting to be a limitless cash machine.

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  14. #38
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    I would buy some food or make some meals but make it clear that this will not be an ongoing thing and tell her that she needs to get her priorities in order.

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  16. #39
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    Thanks, the exact words were told to me today by another person....that I am enabling her when I help her. She phoned me today to thank me for the $50 and told me what food items she bought. I told her ways she could try and get some help with food(from charities) but she needs to STOP paying his rent.

  17. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Which is why I apologised for derailing the thread and told the OP it sounds like she faced a difficult situation. I just honestly didn't get the reference in the title!
    Hey that's ok, appreciate your advice.


 

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