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  1. #21
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    could you sit down with her and work out a weekly budget. Maybe if she sees it on paper, she'll realise that she can not financially support her son, and her grandchildren need to come first as they do not have the capacity to support themselves whereas her son does.

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  3. #22
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    When I get hard up for money I sell stuff on our local garage sale....maybe suggest that to her?

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    peppertrees2014  (30-05-2014)

  5. #23
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    I think your friend needs some help assessing her financial situation. Perhaps she is not claiming the appropriate benefits and is entitled to more government assistance? Would you feel comfortable asking her a few questions about this?

    If she's broke purely because she is financially supporting her son that is living out of home, then she needs to cut him off. It is incredibly unfair of him to ask that of her. Feeding those grandchildren needs to be a higher priority.

    As for helping her, I'd start by telling her you aren't able to give her money, but you can help her work out a budget to try and help juggle things better.

    Personally, I'd also assist in finding out where she can get food from local charities when needed. That and I'd probably buy her some staples (bread, milk, cereal etc.) as I'd feel sorry for the children.

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  7. #24
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    I've been trying to think of how to word this right. If she is desperate enough to ask you for money, then she needs it now. Not waiting days/weeks for assistance to be finalised. Of course she definitely needs to work something out to avoid this situation again.

    We had a really rough week last week. $1000 car repair bill plus rego meant we had nothing left. Luckily we have a credit card for emergencies and used that for groceries/fuel and paid it straight back this week.

    What I'm trying to say is, if you can afford it I would definitely give her $50. But sit down and offer her help to getting the right assistance, budget help, meal planning etc. she obviously trusts you very much to ask for help.

    I hope I've worded this right! I just feel if we all helped each other when we were down, the world would be a better place.

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  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tattereds View Post
    They're not going to take the kids.

    She needs to go to Centrelink and let them know she has two extra dependants that she needs assistance for, ASAP.

    IF she is willing to do that TODAY, then and only then would I loan her the money or as pp's have suggested go and drop round some basic groceries, with the disclaimer that you simply can't afford to do it again at all. Tell her you have your own debts and responsibilities and giving money to her is making it harder for you to make ends meet.

    Eta - totally agree she should be telling both of her sons to get on to the dole if they don't want to/can't find work. She can't be paying for two adult sons in her financial position! By including you in her finances, she has given you the right the comment.
    And even if there is no formal arrangement for the care of the grandchildren, Centrelink can still arrange family assistance for her, she can just get the kids teachers or gp to write a letter.


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  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Degrassi View Post
    I think your friend needs some help assessing her financial situation. Perhaps she is not claiming the appropriate benefits and is entitled to more government assistance? Would you feel comfortable asking her a few questions about this?
    Well the friend is obviously comfortable enough to ask for money.....

    OP I would possibly give them the money as a once off but be very clear that you are unable to give any further money.

    I am all for supporting friends in hard times, but you don't want to be dragged into her problems.

    There are charities out there that provide financial counselling and assistance.

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  13. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by peppertrees2014 View Post
    Her other son has moved out and is living with two others and pays $160 a week in rent. He left his job a few months ago and she is paying his rent.
    Do you know if her son is entitled to rent assistance?

    I know centrelink can delay payments if people leave their job voluntarily, but I would've thought rent assistance would still be paid? (Not 100% sure though)

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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Yes I know it's an expression, but it doesn't apply here. No-one is being 'robbed' to pay another. The expression specifically refers to a situation where you try to solve one problem, but create another in doing so, often through short-term planning.
    No one is being robbed per se, but she is paying her adult sons rent which means her Grandchildren are going without food. The Peter/Paul analogy makes sense to me in this situation.

    I would help her as a once off but also possibly put the hard word on her about her other sons being adults and needing to support themselves. Where there are children who are going without, they need to come first.

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    I haven't read any replies. I have been in this situation before. Do not give her money unless she agrees to make changes regarding seeking assistance/ ceasing to pay her sons rent. If you do this, you will be enabling your friend to continue to make bad decisions. The only difference is if you give her money you will be put of pocket too. It's not your job to support her deadbeat son.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Yes I know it's an expression, but it doesn't apply here. No-one is being 'robbed' to pay another. The expression specifically refers to a situation where you try to solve one problem, but create another in doing so, often through short-term planning.
    Does it really matter? People use words in the wrong context all the time on here, I don't think it really affects the thread.

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