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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atlantic Puffin View Post
    I didnt mean it judgy at all. Im laying in bed trying not to wake a ratbag 2 year old, and judging from your posts thought you would appreciate a to the point response.

    I also said im just basing my response from what youve said. I dont know you or your bsck story, I only know you from what youve posted in this thread.

    Sorry im not big on fluffing things up to make sure people dont take it the wrong way. It is what it is.

    Maybe dont bother asking him anymore. If you just expect him to lie there is no use.

    Put a change of clothes at the door for him every arvo and a plastic bag for his clothes. Make it a non issue and dont even bring it up... could work.


    Edited:shocking spelling. What evs.
    I don't expect him to lie. Not sure where you got that from? As i have said already he was being truthful for a while, and when i asked him how many he had today I was calm about it. Him flying into a lying rampage like he did is what turned things sour and it showed me that he hadn't over come his need to lie.

    He has already admitted to me now tonight that he doesn't know why he does it, it just happens. But its still hard to just accept that the rest of my life is probably spent with someone i can't completely trust is being honest with me. I have also tod him tonight I will not spend the rest of my life with someone who i feel that way with. He might be off the hook now with the smoking, but not with the other things he lies about but i guess ill just try to handle it the best way i can at the time.

    Anyways its all good I have been feeling better about it and like i said I have since chatted with him and we have sorted it out.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 29-05-2014 at 23:42.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessed Be View Post
    I don't expect him to lie. Not sure where you got that from? As i have said already he was being truthful for a while, and when i asked him how many he had today I was calm about it. Him flying into a lying rampage like he did is what turned things sour and it showed me that he hadn't over come his need to lie.

    He has already admitted to me now tonight that he doesn't know why he does it, it just happens. But its still hard to just accept that the rest of my life is probably spent with someone i can't completely trust is being honest with me. I have also tod him tonight I will not spend the rest of my life with someone who i feel that way with. He might be off the hook now with the smoking, but not with the other things he lies about but i guess ill just try to handle it the best way i can at the time.

    Anyways its all good I have been feeling better about it and like i said I have since chatted with him and we have sorted it out.
    Good thing you sorted it. Hope he is honest from here on out.

  3. #33
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    In response to your OP. No, my husband doesn't lie all the time, honesty is a huge thing in our marriage.

    I have had a brief read through and I think it depends on how you handle the situation and what kind of things he's lying about. Be honest - Do you think you are naggy with him? Perhaps you need to find a new way of dealing with it - in our marriage, the more I nag, the more my husband pulls away. If I was nagging him all the time about something he would lie so he didn't have to deal with the argument afterwards.

    I don't believe that banning him from seeing his mates is the right choice. I think that's very controlling and will most likely cause him to do it behind your back and lie even more.

    Yes, the smoking is obviously an issue if it's a health concern for DS, but I don't think you have the right to control his choice to socially smoke with his friends. Why not just tell him he can do what he likes when he's out, but around DS it is a smoke free zone and he is to keep a shirt in the car to change before he comes home. If you back off, he will probably quit in his own time. The more somebody tells me not to do something, the more I want to do it.

  4. #34
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    He lies to you because he is probably scared of the consequences of telling you the truth. If he came home and admitted he smoked it would have likely ended in an argument. Generally people lie to avoid conflict I'm not saying it's right but your response to him is very wrong banning someone from doing something is manipulative and controlling especially isolating him from his friends, this will just cause further issues in your marriage. I think you both need to learn to trust each other he has to know he CAN tell you the truth without getting into trouble and you need to know he is being honest.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    In response to your OP. No, my husband doesn't lie all the time, honesty is a huge thing in our marriage.

    I have had a brief read through and I think it depends on how you handle the situation and what kind of things he's lying about. Be honest - Do you think you are naggy with him? Perhaps you need to find a new way of dealing with it - in our marriage, the more I nag, the more my husband pulls away. If I was nagging him all the time about something he would lie so he didn't have to deal with the argument afterwards.

    I don't believe that banning him from seeing his mates is the right choice. I think that's very controlling and will most likely cause him to do it behind your back and lie even more.

    Yes, the smoking is obviously an issue if it's a health concern for DS, but I don't think you have the right to control his choice to socially smoke with his friends. Why not just tell him he can do what he likes when he's out, but around DS it is a smoke free zone and he is to keep a shirt in the car to change before he comes home. If you back off, he will probably quit in his own time. The more somebody tells me not to do something, the more I want to do it.
    I have done all of this I have told him to just keep it away from DS. That's all I ask and for him to change his clothes but he's not holding up his end of the deal and still lying. We had an agreement so I don't get mad anymore, but I'm I am only human and I get deeply upset when he starts lying again. I don't know what else I can do when I have tried to come up with an agreement like you have suggested and he breaks it then lies about it.

  6. #36
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    Honestly you sound a little controlling and nagging, a bit like my DP's ex wife actually! I don't know how you can 'ban' a grown man from going out. As much as the lying must be frustrating I think you guys are in a vicious cycle and need professional help to get out of the rut.

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  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    He lies to you because he is probably scared of the consequences of telling you the truth. If he came home and admitted he smoked it would have likely ended in an argument. Generally people lie to avoid conflict I'm not saying it's right but your response to him is very wrong banning someone from doing something is manipulative and controlling especially isolating him from his friends, this will just cause further issues in your marriage. I think you both need to learn to trust each other he has to know he CAN tell you the truth without getting into trouble and you need to know he is being honest.
    To was an empty threat out of frustration. I am not manipulative or controlling. He knows lying causes the arguments, I haven't yelled at him for being honest. After talking to him it seems to be more of a shame thing. He is the type of person who will argue something even when he's wrong. With anyone that is. He is very dominant and hates being proven wrong. I was wrong with what I said to him but in my defense it was out of frustration and he knows I wouldn't follow through.

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    Honestly you sound a little controlling and nagging, a bit like my DP's ex wife actually! I don't know how you can 'ban' a grown man from going out. As much as the lying must be frustrating I think you guys are in a vicious cycle and need professional help to get out of the rut.
    Well if being protective of DSs health makes me a nag then I'll wear that crown.

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    I think it's reasonable to expect him to change his clothes to be around his DS but I dont think trying to convince someone to quit smoking is ever going to work unless they're ready to give it up, I also think its unfair to expect him to if he isnt ready (this coming from someone who dmhas never smoked, and I actually hate smoking, so no bias here)

    I can totally understand why you're upset about the lying, my DH has lied to me once that I know of, and it was about going to a strip club back when we first started dating -he didnt need to lie because it didnt bother me at all, but he didnt want to upset me, so he was too afraid to tell the truth. Silly really because I was so very upset about the lie, and I couldnt give 2 hoots about the strip club.

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