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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by knuckles View Post
    Call him out on it. Ask him what's with all the lying??
    Oh i bloody well did, every time he lies to me he is hit with a complete shi!t storm then!! At first his reason was he didn't understand what I meant. Then his reason was he thought i mean he JUST had one... so the smokes he had earlier in the day weren't relevant. Then he claims he lied because he is scared ill get angry.... so then i get more angry because i wasn't even angry when i asked him, I was calm, but disappointed. I was going to order him to have a shower. But instead, I went nuts at him because he chose to lie.

    He then told me a bit after wards that he lied because he is lying to himself. And that he's ashamed.

    I honestly don't know what to believe. Which one is it! He doesn't even know.

  2. #12
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    I don't mind him going out for drinks and having a few smokes, I just hate any of it being around DS... even second hand smoke (which is just as bad if not worse) He knows this.... yet keeps thinking i wont smell it, but i can smell it a mile away!!

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    OP I'm sorry to hear your DH lies so much, it must be so frustrating to have to deal with!

    I don't really have experience with this but I will say that I have an uncle that is a compulsive liar, he literally lies all the time, often for no reason whatsoever. My Dad says he has been like this since they were children. We are a large family and the thing is that his lying is so constant and obvious that he's become sort of a joke; at age 70 something no one really respects him or pays much attention to what he has to say because I guess the feeling is why would you pay attention to a compulsive liar, since what they're telling you is probably a lie and a waste of time. Even his own children and grandchildren feel this way. I can tell it upsets him that his whole family sees him this way but he's brought it on himself by lying to all of us so many times over the years.

    It may be worth talking to your husband about how his constant lying could be a type of addiction and point out that if he doesn't get it under control he might be lying to his own kids one day? And if so, how will he feel if his kids one day feel they can't trust or believe in him because of his constant lying

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  5. #14
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    You asked if you are a controlling b***h and I'm going to be honest. The words 'banned' and 'ordered' really dont belong in a marriage. That's just me and my opinion but I shuddered when I read those sentences. I was imagining DH ordering me to shower as a consequence to something or banning me from catching up with my girlfriends as punishment for something.

    In saying that - you have every right to be p****d about the lying my guess is he doesn't see the seriousness of it that you do and obviously sees a white lie worth the risk of getting you upset.

    I think you really need to get across how serious this is to you - in oboe you probably have many times but maybe he just needs to hear it over an over it at least realise he's not clever enough to conceal it and stop just to avoid the fights.

    Good luck!!!!'

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    I would be asking him why he doesn't value honesty in a relationship the way you do. I mean surely he wouldn't appreciate being lied to himself? :/

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    I'm not sure banning him will work...I've tried similar before but he just doesnt seem to care! I feel like I'm too controling but then he readily give up control to me anyway. He just has no self-disipline when I'm not around but then has to lie about it. I've known for a year that we need to go to counciling but last year was just to crazy busy that I didn't get around to it. He even 'lied' about losing his job & didn't tell me for a month! It makes it hard to be supportive and to budget effectively. We certainly have trust issues because of it & then he gets frustrated when I don't believe him when he is telling the truth. :/

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    OP I'm sorry to hear your DH lies so much, it must be so frustrating to have to deal with!

    I don't really have experience with this but I will say that I have an uncle that is a compulsive liar, he literally lies all the time, often for no reason whatsoever. My Dad says he has been like this since they were children. We are a large family and the thing is that his lying is so constant and obvious that he's become sort of a joke; at age 70 something no one really respects him or pays much attention to what he has to say because I guess the feeling is why would you pay attention to a compulsive liar, since what they're telling you is probably a lie and a waste of time. Even his own children and grandchildren feel this way. I can tell it upsets him that his whole family sees him this way but he's brought it on himself by lying to all of us so many times over the years.

    It may be worth talking to your husband about how his constant lying could be a type of addiction and point out that if he doesn't get it under control he might be lying to his own kids one day? And if so, how will he feel if his kids one day feel they can't trust or believe in him because of his constant lying
    I will mention that to him - but tonight he keeps telling me that it's only smoking he lies about, but i now that is not the truth. I really don't think he see's anything wrong with it ... all he cares about he getting away with things, he doesn't seem to care about how he makes others feel. I just don't understand it... we have been together for 10 years and grow a lot together, but this lying crap is something he just can't seem to change. I don't think he wants to. I think the only way we're going to last is if i just stop caring about it. Maybe start not taking him seriously like whats now happened to your Uncle. Im not sure if Dh would eve care if people didn't take him seriously.. as long as he gets away with whatever he has done, with no backlash. He's happy to just be ignored as it lets him off the hook. He's a very hard one to cope with.

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    sorry but yes I think you are being a little unreasonable and (very) controlling.

    Try and look at the big picture here.

    TBH if my husband was telling me what I can and can not do I would question our marriage. I try and treat my husband as I would my best friend.
    Would you treat you friend this way? Would you tell your best friend she is not allowed to meet her other friends?

    I understand he lies, but he might have to save himself from upsetting you and/or from a big fight. It's not good he is smoking but you won't make him stop that way.

    Good luck OP.

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  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meld85 View Post
    You asked if you are a controlling b***h and I'm going to be honest. The words 'banned' and 'ordered' really dont belong in a marriage. That's just me and my opinion but I shuddered when I read those sentences. I was imagining DH ordering me to shower as a consequence to something or banning me from catching up with my girlfriends as punishment for something.

    In saying that - you have every right to be p****d about the lying my guess is he doesn't see the seriousness of it that you do and obviously sees a white lie worth the risk of getting you upset.

    I think you really need to get across how serious this is to you - in oboe you probably have many times but maybe he just needs to hear it over an over it at least realise he's not clever enough to conceal it and stop just to avoid the fights.

    Good luck!!!!'
    I know its not the right thing to do - and TBH its the first time I have ever said that to him. I guess im just hormonal stressed and tired and him lying really made me react angrily. I just don't know what else to do. He knows I am a softie and i wont follow through. Its at the point for my own sanity ill just have to not worry about DS's health, let DH lie away to me and just try to not let it upset me. But i just don't know how to do that, as we have been together for 10 years now with him constantly giving me lies about things. Its all about getting away with it, he never cares or considers how i feel about the lies... as long as he gets away with it that's all he cares about. I hate that he just goes about his life, does as he pleases and lies to me like I am nothing. It makes me want to hurt him back with taking something away from him.

    I don't know how else to get it across to him. I have expressed it to him with tears ********* down my face many times, I have begged him to please stop and just be honest.... but he just cant help himself. Its like he starts lying without even realising then feels he can't go back on it...

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    Quote Originally Posted by KaraB View Post
    I would be asking him why he doesn't value honesty in a relationship the way you do. I mean surely he wouldn't appreciate being lied to himself? :/
    He would hate it if i lied to him, and he'd bring up the fact he has been lied to by ex partners and all that. But it's ok for him!

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