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  1. #1
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    Default DH looking me in the eyes and blatantly lying.

    Im feeling really ****ed off. My DH looks me right in the eyes and lies about things. Tonight he came home reeking of cigarettes, and I asked him how many has he smoked today as he was supposed to have quite, and he tole me he hasn't had any. I told him that's bull****, i can smell it on it.. and he kept telling me no he hadn't. I am an ex smoker myself, plus pregnant so i know the smell of cigarettes. After me becoming extremely angry because he was lying to me, I told him I will not let this go until he admit it... he finally admitted it. Only because I was getting really angry and refusing to let it go.

    He lies about other things as well. Things he thinks are minor but it happens all the time. I am so honest.... I hate that i give him more than he gives me.

    Anyone elses husbands lie all the time?

    I really can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone that lies to me.

    He is hands on with DS and helps out a lot. But The lying to me is getting the better of me and im tired of it.

    I told him tonight If he lies to me again I am packing his bags and he can leave. Im sure that will only mean the next time he lies, he just wont budge and eventually admit to it.

    I just can't win and i feel its really unfair.

    Maybe i should just start being dishonest with him.

  2. #2
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    My mother is like this. Tells lies constantly about stupid little things. Makes me wonder how much big stuff she's lied about

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  4. #3
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    I think it's reasonable for you to expect your husband to not lie. I wouldn't be able to stand it. For me I need honestly and trust in my relationship. I wouldn't lower myself to his level by lying to retaliate either, it will prob make things worse.

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    A lie is a lie. If he's done it this long and you've let it go, he won't ever stop.

    I think sometimes its about picking and choosing your battles. You know he's not going to change, so what did you really gain from forcing the truth from him on something silly like smoking when its sooo obvious hes lying.

    Just let him know by lying to you all he is doing is giving you more reasons to not trust him... one day he will be honest and you wont believe him.

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  8. #5
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    Call him out on it. Ask him what's with all the lying??

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  10. #6
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    I had to write. I've not been on this forum for ages but I know how you feel exactly.

    I have issues with smoking. Family members dying of cancer and also when we were doing IVF I wanted a healthy partner and a healthy parent for them if it had worked. It's a big deal for me but the even bigger deal is the lying to my face.

    DH lies to my face about smoking and Apparently the reason he does this is because if he is honest i will get angry at him for smoking and the fact that I do when he is caught lying to me apparently proves this. Over the past 3.5 years he has lied about this to my face about 10 times at least. He is back smoking again after we spent hundreds on hypnosis and he lied again. He has told me that if I backed off he would quite on his own. This is rubbish as he is smoking more and just reminds me of all the lies.

    I understand it's an addiction but the lying that's what does the damage to our marriage.

    Sorry no advise really, but I know how you feel.

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  12. #7
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    My dh does this.

    But it is about money and his gambling.

    He puts money in his betting account even though I have begged him not to and when I ask him where that money has gone. He days he doesn't know. Even though it will show up in the bank transactions in a few days.

    He say the same as pp. he lies because I will get angry with him for doing it.

    Well it is ten fold when he lies about it!

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  14. #8
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    My dh is like this. Not about smoking but stupid minor things. I honestly dont know why he wastes both our time by lying...its transparent and i always catch him out. I've asked & he doesnt know why either. I think it stems from trying to make/keep his mum happy. She is never happy lol. Dh grew up thinking he was responsible for her happiness. Honestly he has improved over the last few years but it still drives me crazy.

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    Ask him for marital counseling.

    Let him know that all the lies make you feel you can't trust him.

    He may feel that he needs to lie in order to avoid confrontation, however all he is doing is making it worse and causing more conflict.

    Let him know that as an adult and your husband and father of your children, you need to trust him to make good decicions every day, ones that are for the benifit of your marraige on the whole and for his children. The marraige and family come first. That's not to say he should never do anything for himself- you both should within reason. However every day you are provably both going to be face with different choices, and should be asking yourselves " is this the best decision for my marraige and family" if the answer is no- then don't do it. Let him know if he chooses to do something detrimental then he needs to put his big boy pants on and be willing to just be honest and take the heat. Because the alternative is worse. It creates a parent child dynamic and mistrust between you. And you need a husband not another kid to worry about.

    JMO.

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  18. #10
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    Great advice by everyone, thank you all. strangely i feel better knowing im not alone ... sorry to admit that, it sucks others are dealing with this is very tough to deal with.

    I am so angry with him, because he lies like he did - and got me so upset then we fought, and that stole my time away fro my DS I was upset and in a angry mood and just wanted DS to bed and DH away from me.

    I feel embarrassed saying this, but every Monday DH heads out with his mates to hang out and because of his lie I have banned him from it. I know that sounds controlling. I really am a very lenient wife... he comes and goes, but now i feel like i need to show him once and for all there are consequence to him lying to me - and i told him if he's going to treat me like **** and lie, then im going to treat him like a child and ban him.

    I am using all of my power to not walk over to him and take it all back, tell him i forgive him, to stop lying... and leave it at that, but im not satisfied letting it go this time. I had a talk with him not long ago saying that if he has the odd smoke, then i cant control him but if he could not do it when he will then be around DS as DS gets asthma at times in the cold weather. But he went against that then tried to lie about it. DS sounded wheezy tonight, and then i smell DH's clothes and I was like WTF!

    Be honest - am i being controlling and evil by banning him from his weekly boys out now because he lies to be? I have never made that stand with him before but i don't know what else to do to make him realise i wont put up with it.

    I was thinking counseling might be an idea too actually. Not that I can be bothered. I wish he'd just fricken quit with the bull crap!!
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 29-05-2014 at 22:05.


 
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