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  1. #81
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    I think OP, you should be highly concerned that this man does not want children - ever.

    For him to be so cold hearted, and think of everything purely from a financial viewpoint demonstrates how anti-children he is at this point in time. Will this change over time, or will there always be a new financial goal to reach?

    Please stop asking friends and family members to add their two cents on what you should do. It's not their pregnancy and they should not have any say in what you do with your body.

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  3. #82
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    Big hugs Brimm. What a horrible situation to be in. I'm not going to repeat what everyone else is saying because I totally agree. I was wondering though, why on earth is your Sister also encouraging you to have an abortion instead of supporting you in making YOUR OWN decision - especially after you have both recently suffered the loss of your Mother?!?! Not that her opinion matters, but this just seems absurd to me?!?!

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    I haven't read all the thread, but the only one that needs to be gotten ridden of is your not so dear husband.

    If you wanted to abort, I would say do what you feel is right. But you don't. I think you are going to majorly regret this by your posts. I also agree with Degrassi that I would be concerned if he ever wants kids. It's very rare that at child bearing age you are completely set up. I suspect if you abort and try 2 years from now there will be a new excuse. Not enough has been paid off the investment properties. He's just started a new job. He wants more money in the bank. You guys haven't traveled enough to his liking.

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  6. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of your mother & the financial stress you are in. But I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh but you two are so materialistic its sad. You want to keep the baby but are willing to abort your own child so you can have a brand new house, overseas holidays, new cars? comn, pull your head in, think with your heart & not with your wallet. You can be rich with money but dirt poor with love.

    Trust me when I say this, your husband will bankrupt the both of you if you choose to spend the way you are. By the sounds of it your all ready up sh!t creek. Sure your trying to minimize your debts, but are already looking at more investment properties & new cars?! What I will never understand is why a two fulltime income couple with investment properties cannort afford to live out of home?

    As for your husband, he is a c@nt. Sorry, but he is, how DARE he abuse you, bully you, threaten you the way he has, all to kill HIS child. If he isnt ready to have a child now, sorry but he will never be ready to because he will never sacrifice his income for children. If this is the way he treats you I truly hope he NEVER has children. Lastly, why the f@ck is he making appointments to abort your baby?! That is your voice to do on your terms, not his!

    I hope you decide to stand up for your child and have the a voice for him/her. Please be aware that YOUR child doesnt need THEIR father in their life, if anything your BOTH better off without him.

    A husband is NOT what he is, he acts as if you are a part of HIS property, not his lover, not his partner, not his best friend. He has done NOTHING to show compassion, empathy, or be a shoulder to cry on, all he has done is belittle you and humiliate you. Husbands who love you dont do that.

    Sorry to everyone who thinks I'm been overly harsh but after everything i've read I can't think of 1 reason why she should stay with this "man". If she chooses to keep her baby, then I applaud her for standing up for herself. If she chooses to abort for HIM, then I feel sorry that she will continue to allow him to treat her and her future children like sh!t.
    Pusheen I don't think you are being harsh at all. I tried in my earlier posts to put in a supportive, balanced and informative view (based on experience & my professional qualifications) and it seems to mostly have been ignored or not considered by the OP at all - as have most of the posts calling out the bullying behaviour and the materialistic way this decision is being made.

    It is none of my business ultimately, but the words that came to mind after brimm's last post were - immature, shallow, selfish, materialistic. There is no depth to these people and they seem in serious need of some personal development work to find a part of themselves that is not so caught up in the materialism of life.

    It seems like it is all so black and white when there is no need for that at all. It isn't choose one or the other. You can have a baby, a career, financial wealth, travel etc - it's how you choose to live, if those are your goals.

    And what hasn't really been addressed is the abusive behaviour. Even in the last post where he says "her indecisiveness is killing him" - it's still ALL ABOUT HIM!!! There is absolutely no empathy at all - that is dangerous and such a massive warning sign.

    But anyway, my two cents worth has been put in, so I'll gracefully exit now before I start getting upset.

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  8. #85
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    Tell him that you've decided to keep it. See what happens. You can always change your mind later and terminate. But you can't unterminate. Just say you're keeping it and see how it sits, with you and your husband.

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  10. #86
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    I wonder if you are able to stay with a good friend (who is supportive of you no matter what or doesn't even know about the situation at all) and have some time for you to come to your own decision without any input/pressure from your husband. I don't think you will be able to come to your own decision with the pressure your husband is continually putting on you.

    If you are not content with your decision I worry it will come back and to haunt you in the long run, which would affect both you and your marriage negatively.


  11. #87
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    Sorry but why is your sister saying your expensive tastes = you shouldn't have a baby? Change your tastes! You don't HAVE to spend $1000 on a cot. Who cares how much the pram costs? Or how fancy the nursery is? Having fancy tastes should never be the deciding factor on whether or not to have a baby that has already been conceived, this seems so strange to me.

    I have a friend that thinks like this and I honestly just don't get it - I agree with a PP, your husband will probably always have some reason not to have a baby, honestly there is never a good time, if everyone could have their kids in their 60's once their all set up and had their careers that would be great! But its not reality.

    Stop being distracted by fancy cars and houses and holidays and think about what you really want in your life. You are the one that will be most affected by whatever choice you make - so make sure the decision is yours and yours alone.

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  13. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearlygirl View Post
    Sorry but why is your sister saying your expensive tastes = you shouldn't have a baby? Change your tastes! You don't HAVE to spend $1000 on a cot. Who cares how much the pram costs? Or how fancy the nursery is? Having fancy tastes should never be the deciding factor on whether or not to have a baby that has already been conceived, this seems so strange to me.

    I have a friend that thinks like this and I honestly just don't get it - I agree with a PP, your husband will probably always have some reason not to have a baby, honestly there is never a good time, if everyone could have their kids in their 60's once their all set up and had their careers that would be great! But its not reality.

    Stop being distracted by fancy cars and houses and holidays and think about what you really want in your life. You are the one that will be most affected by whatever choice you make - so make sure the decision is yours and yours alone.
    Buy swap sell pages are amazing for baby things second hand. I can afford new stuff but I would rather save the money and get one second hand.

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  15. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leisylou View Post
    Pusheen I don't think you are being harsh at all. I tried in my earlier posts to put in a supportive, balanced and informative view (based on experience & my professional qualifications) and it seems to mostly have been ignored or not considered by the OP at all - as have most of the posts calling out the bullying behaviour and the materialistic way this decision is being made.

    It is none of my business ultimately, but the words that came to mind after brimm's last post were - immature, shallow, selfish, materialistic. There is no depth to these people and they seem in serious need of some personal development work to find a part of themselves that is not so caught up in the materialism of life.

    It seems like it is all so black and white when there is no need for that at all. It isn't choose one or the other. You can have a baby, a career, financial wealth, travel etc - it's how you choose to live, if those are your goals.

    And what hasn't really been addressed is the abusive behaviour. Even in the last post where he says "her indecisiveness is killing him" - it's still ALL ABOUT HIM!!! There is absolutely no empathy at all - that is dangerous and such a massive warning sign.

    But anyway, my two cents worth has been put in, so I'll gracefully exit now before I start getting upset.

    Please don't think I didn't read your post, I certainly did and it helped me begin to perceive things in a different frame of mind. I'm trying to do my best and reply to as many posts as I can!
    I'm sorry if my last post came across as materialistic, I didn't once say I wanted those things I was simply honestly describing the events that occurred last night.

    As I told my husband, I don't care where we live or anything like that as long as I have a happy healthy family. To me to have a healthy baby...well the rest doesn't matter. Like I stated in the 1st post my parents built there empire from the ground up. They had second hand furniture, my mum made me our clothes (I still look back at the photos and laugh) but we were happy! When things financially got better did it make us happier? No, it certainly didn't. I know it took a lot of pressure off my parents as it mean't we could receive the education they wanted, pay off their house without a mortgage and to travel like they wanted. As a child getting brand new clothes, going overseas and getting a horse is awesome, but you don't think of the costs associated with it and take it for granted. My husband doesn't see it though, he sees that my dad had a job that offered the opportunity to grow into a very financially rewarding career, his offers none of that scope.

    My mum always installed in me to always be grateful for what you have, no matter how big or small it is. I may have a large financial debt due to having to arrange a wedding in 5 days as my mum was told she wouldn't make it to the planned wedding, but does it bother me? NO! I bought another wedding dress for her because my other one was being made, I arranged everything so that she could see me walk down the aisle a month early. My husband was upset to find the debt on my credit card and I just looked at him and said "I don't regret a cent I spent because seeing my mums face when she realised I was wearing a wedding dress mean't everything to me."
    That week I also cancelled our Canada/America honeymoon and we booked a short trip to Thailand (at the request of my mum). She begged me not to cancel it but the thought of going overseas for that long and being away from family...I couldn't do it.

    My mum had the best week after my wedding, she was so full of life and so happy. She passed away that following week and never made it to the 2nd Wedding.

    The thing that really hits home with me is I got engaged back in 2011, we decided to have a 2 year engagement to save for my 'dream' wedding. In that time frame I graduated from my double degree, grew my business and we continued to save. Had I known what I know now I wouldn't have waited. That wedding we arranged in 5 days was the happiest day of my life, there wasn't any string quartets, no expensive reception location, no designer dress, nothing. I smiled the whole day and even though there was a sense of sadness, it felt like nothing was wrong. It was thrown together with the help of family and you know what? At the end of the day all those bells and whistles mean nothing.

    I think in life things occur that shift your perception on life and on how you view the world. Losing my mum has certainly done that.

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  17. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leisylou View Post
    Pusheen I don't think you are being harsh at all. I tried in my earlier posts to put in a supportive, balanced and informative view (based on experience & my professional qualifications) and it seems to mostly have been ignored or not considered by the OP at all - as have most of the posts calling out the bullying behaviour and the materialistic way this decision is being made.

    It is none of my business ultimately, but the words that came to mind after brimm's last post were - immature, shallow, selfish, materialistic. There is no depth to these people and they seem in serious need of some personal development work to find a part of themselves that is not so caught up in the materialism of life.

    It seems like it is all so black and white when there is no need for that at all. It isn't choose one or the other. You can have a baby, a career, financial wealth, travel etc - it's how you choose to live, if those are your goals.

    And what hasn't really been addressed is the abusive behaviour. Even in the last post where he says "her indecisiveness is killing him" - it's still ALL ABOUT HIM!!! There is absolutely no empathy at all - that is dangerous and such a massive warning sign.

    But anyway, my two cents worth has been put in, so I'll gracefully exit now before I start getting upset.
    I completely agree with everything you've written. Life isnt black & white & life never runs smoothly. I was 22 when I had DS. When I found out I was pregnant with DS I was told by my father that I would be kicked out of home & lose my job if I didnt abort. Well, I chose to continue the pregnancy & I was kicked out of home & I did lose my job. I had only a few months earlier bought a brand new car & my partner at the time was only working p/t at red rooster. Life was tough but we found our own place, I found f/t work, he worked f/t casually. We made it work and I don't regret keeping my baby at all, I don't know what I would have done if I caved into my fathers wants because he wanted to control life. He got the **** end of the stick & regrets his actions and what he said behind my back. He loves DS to the moon & back.

    2 years after DS was born, his dad & I split up and DS is now 5. I'm engaged to my partner of 2 years, were going to go overseas for 6 weeks next year for our honeymoon and are going to start trying for another bub(his first, my 2nd) when we get back and start saving for our first house. Last year & this year has been hectic financially with DP in & out of work & me battling my depression & anxiety. But thats life, you just go with it and keep trying, support and love is what that matters, not new cars, new houses, a lavish lifestyle. I too could have had all that but I wouldn't have met my two loved people on earth if I had. My love for my child & fiancee is richer than any amount of money earned.

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