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  1. #71
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    I've finally found time to post again a little update on how things went last night. After ringing up another abortion clinic due to my husband suggesting if I didn't feel comfortable at the 1st one perhaps look into an alternative location. I did as he asked and ended up on the phone to the lady for around 30 minutes, they simply asked me questions in relation to why I wanted to go through with it, if I was happy with my choice etc. Ultimately they once again refused to book me in, but instead suggested a free counselling session which I have booked into.

    I went over to my sisters place last night and while my husband was there we had a bit of a discussion about everything. It's interesting as I found out my sister is more on my husband's side than mine, the reasons being; our financial position at the moment, the stress occurring in our life at the moment, the fact she knows I have expensive taste and she feels we are not adequately set up to deal with a child, nor should a child be born into a family where one of the parents doesn't want it. I understand what made her think these things; having two HUGE mortgages has killed us financially, all my husbands money is going towards the loans from the bank for those mortgages and my money is going towards paying for a huge debt we have after our wedding (due to my father pulling out of ALL financial obligations a week before the wedding). We have one of them up on the market at the moment but my husband stupidly gave my dad the better half due to 'just wanting to get out of it'. My dad sold his 3 days after putting it up and got a bucket load for it, we on the other hand have had 0 interest.
    The other huge investment property is hopefully close to being worked out but we won't make any money on it, we are simply handing our shares over to investors that my dad has found so that he can continue subdividing it without us. It gets us out and back to where we began last year.

    My problem is my husband has the following dreams; to go find another investment property after all of this is done, for us to move out and rent while that is occurring, to go travel to America and Canada (where our honeymoon was planned for but we had to cancel last minute due to mum), to build our dream home, to get two new cars that will be more safe and the list goes on. Yes I shared these dreams with him, but everything changes once you find out your pregnant. Priorities change and mine have certainly done that.

    He said to me in the car on the way back to the house "I just want to know either way, you being so indecisive is killing me".
    Last edited by brimm; 29-05-2014 at 12:28.

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  3. #72
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    What happens if you fall pregnant in another 3 months? Are you bit willing not to have sex for the next decade or so until you are "ready"?

    Sorry, but that is my first thought.

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  5. #73
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    Ps I'm so sorry for how he is treating you!!!!

  6. #74
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    Sounds like you have everybody running your life and making decisions for you. Until YOU are willing to be in charge of yourself you will continually be sucked into everybody else's choices, until one day you wake up and realise for WHO did you waste your life for.? Don't leave it until too late. Really don't. I don't understand how even your sister comes into it... her opinion doesn't matter. If you want the baby then have it. But don't do things to keep everybody else happy, because all that will happen is that you will just wither away inside as time goes by. Your husband is just such a pig.

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  8. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daisy Duck View Post
    What happens if you fall pregnant in another 3 months? Are you bit willing not to have sex for the next decade or so until you are "ready"?

    Sorry, but that is my first thought.
    I wonder too. OP I would be asking if your DH ever sees children in your future.

    There's nothing wrong with grand plans. We spent our 20s travelling, working and buying investment properties and setting ourselves up for family in our 30s. Then we were struck with infertility and none of they mattered anymore. While I wouldn't trade my 20s for anything I always knew in the back of my mind my 30s were going to be when I had my kids. I would have been devastated to get to 30 and find out it wasn't part of DH's plans.

    It sounds like you're being talked into abortion. If you can live with it that's your choice.

    I would still be seeing counsellors and I think you and your DH need to get on the same page about your future as a family.

    And get some very good birth control in the meantime.

  9. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I wonder too. OP I would be asking if your DH ever sees children in your future.

    There's nothing wrong with grand plans. We spent our 20s travelling, working and buying investment properties and setting ourselves up for family in our 30s. Then we were struck with infertility and none of they mattered anymore. While I wouldn't trade my 20s for anything I always knew in the back of my mind my 30s were going to be when I had my kids. I would have been devastated to get to 30 and find out it wasn't part of DH's plans.

    It sounds like you're being talked into abortion. If you can live with it that's your choice.

    I would still be seeing counsellors and I think you and your DH need to get on the same page about your future as a family.

    And get some very good birth control in the meantime.

    Thank you. Oh we were on good birth control, hasn't failed us for the years we have been together! Strange thing is since all the stress we have been through our love life has been less than...well, happening. So when I found out this I was like "What! How?" But it only takes one time.

  10. #77
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    So that's your husbands financial plans what about yours? What about your life plan? And why are you looking to invest in another property when you are living with your inlaws? Why don't you buy a house for yourselves? I don't know it feels like you are living his life and his dreams, what about yours?

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  12. #78
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    OP I'm so sorry you are going through this, everyone around you seems to be so unsupportive.

    The thing that stands out to me is that your husband doesn't seem to see a baby fitting in with all his plans. I would suggest first of all, working out what you actually want regarding lifestyle, finances etc - do you want the dream house, the investment properties, the travel overseas etc etc? Or would you be content with less? Your sister seems to think your expensive taste is a reason to not have a baby now - could you see yourself happily settling for less expensive stuff, and having a child instead? What do you, in your heart, really desire for your life? Only you can answer that and you have to fight for it and be confident in it, as it is your right to live the life you want.

    Secondly, what I would be doing is to look at the financial side of things and see what could work with a baby in the picture. Can you see the dream lifestyle being possible if you include a baby? If you could show your DH in concrete dollar terms what life could be like, he might come around. He seems to be really catastrophising the situation. So for example, could you show him that if you had the baby, and had by that time got rid of the investment properties, and took a year off maternity leave, then went back to work say 3 days a week, that you could start getting ahead financially? If you could paint a picture for him of a positive financial future, he might be happier to have the baby. Perhaps if you planned to delay having another baby for a few years, that would give you time to build up the finances and get ahead. Maybe you should look at parking your own business for a few years and picking it up again down the track when it is more affordable to do so. I guess I'm suggesting a compromise that you could both live with, where you get to keep the baby and he gets to see that there is financial security ahead.

    I think it's all well and good to say that a baby wasn't part of the plan, but the pregnancy is here now and it changes things. Your DH needs to face up to that and really consider the options rather than just demanding that you 'get rid of it'. Best of luck - please, please base your decision on what you truly want, not what other people say is best for you financially.

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  14. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    I've finally found time to post again a little update on how things went last night. After ringing up another abortion clinic due to my husband suggesting if I didn't feel comfortable at the 1st one perhaps look into an alternative location. I did as he asked and ended up on the phone to the lady for around 30 minutes, they simply asked me questions in relation to why I wanted to go through with it, if I was happy with my choice etc. Ultimately they once again refused to book me in, but instead suggested a free counselling session which I have booked into.

    I went over to my sisters place last night and while my husband was there we had a bit of a discussion about everything. It's interesting as I found out my sister is more on my husband's side than mine, the reasons being; our financial position at the moment, the stress occurring in our life at the moment, the fact she knows I have expensive taste and she feels we are not adequately set up to deal with a child, nor should a child be born into a family where one of the parents doesn't want it. I didn't know what to take from that as obviously I completely agree about those things. Having two HUGE mortgages has killed us financially. All my husbands money is going towards the loans from the bank for those mortgages and my money is going towards paying for a huge debt we have after our wedding (due to my father pulling out of ALL financial obligations a week before the wedding). We have one of them up on the market at the moment but my husband stupidly gave my dad the better half due to 'just wanting to get out of it'. My dad sold his 3 days after putting it up and got a bucket load for it, we on the other hand have had 0 interest.
    The other huge investment property is hopefully close to being worked out but we won't make any money on it, we are simply handing our shares over to investors that my dad has found so that he can continue subdividing it without us. It gets us out and back to where we began last year.

    My problem is my husband has the following dreams; to go find another investment property after all of this is done, for us to move out and rent while that is occurring, to go travel to America and Canada (where our honeymoon was planned for but we had to cancel last minute due to mum), to build our dream home, to get two new cars that will be more safe and the list goes on. I'm all for those dreams, I really am. But that doesn't make this decision any easier.

    He said to me in the car on the way back to the house "I just want to know either way, you being so indecisive is killing me".

    Everyone looking into our lives who know us are saying the same thing, get rid of it. That makes me feel horrible if I keep it.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of your mother & the financial stress you are in. But I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh but you two are so materialistic its sad. You want to keep the baby but are willing to abort your own child so you can have a brand new house, overseas holidays, new cars? comn, pull your head in, think with your heart & not with your wallet. You can be rich with money but dirt poor with love.

    Trust me when I say this, your husband will bankrupt the both of you if you choose to spend the way you are. By the sounds of it your all ready up sh!t creek. Sure your trying to minimize your debts, but are already looking at more investment properties & new cars?! What I will never understand is why a two fulltime income couple with investment properties cannort afford to live out of home?

    As for your husband, he is a c@nt. Sorry, but he is, how DARE he abuse you, bully you, threaten you the way he has, all to kill HIS child. If he isnt ready to have a child now, sorry but he will never be ready to because he will never sacrifice his income for children. If this is the way he treats you I truly hope he NEVER has children. Lastly, why the f@ck is he making appointments to abort your baby?! That is your voice to do on your terms, not his!

    I hope you decide to stand up for your child and have the a voice for him/her. Please be aware that YOUR child doesnt need THEIR father in their life, if anything your BOTH better off without him.

    A husband is NOT what he is, he acts as if you are a part of HIS property, not his lover, not his partner, not his best friend. He has done NOTHING to show compassion, empathy, or be a shoulder to cry on, all he has done is belittle you and humiliate you. Husbands who love you dont do that.

    Sorry to everyone who thinks I'm been overly harsh but after everything i've read I can't think of 1 reason why she should stay with this "man". If she chooses to keep her baby, then I applaud her for standing up for herself. If she chooses to abort for HIM, then I feel sorry that she will continue to allow him to treat her and her future children like sh!t.

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  16. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    I've finally found time to post again a little update on how things went last night. After ringing up another abortion clinic due to my husband suggesting if I didn't feel comfortable at the 1st one perhaps look into an alternative location. I did as he asked and ended up on the phone to the lady for around 30 minutes, they simply asked me questions in relation to why I wanted to go through with it, if I was happy with my choice etc. Ultimately they once again refused to book me in, but instead suggested a free counselling session which I have booked into.

    I went over to my sisters place last night and while my husband was there we had a bit of a discussion about everything. It's interesting as I found out my sister is more on my husband's side than mine, the reasons being; our financial position at the moment, the stress occurring in our life at the moment, the fact she knows I have expensive taste and she feels we are not adequately set up to deal with a child, nor should a child be born into a family where one of the parents doesn't want it. I didn't know what to take from that as obviously I completely agree about those things. Having two HUGE mortgages has killed us financially. All my husbands money is going towards the loans from the bank for those mortgages and my money is going towards paying for a huge debt we have after our wedding (due to my father pulling out of ALL financial obligations a week before the wedding). We have one of them up on the market at the moment but my husband stupidly gave my dad the better half due to 'just wanting to get out of it'. My dad sold his 3 days after putting it up and got a bucket load for it, we on the other hand have had 0 interest.
    The other huge investment property is hopefully close to being worked out but we won't make any money on it, we are simply handing our shares over to investors that my dad has found so that he can continue subdividing it without us. It gets us out and back to where we began last year.

    My problem is my husband has the following dreams; to go find another investment property after all of this is done, for us to move out and rent while that is occurring, to go travel to America and Canada (where our honeymoon was planned for but we had to cancel last minute due to mum), to build our dream home, to get two new cars that will be more safe and the list goes on. I'm all for those dreams, I really am. But that doesn't make this decision any easier.

    He said to me in the car on the way back to the house "I just want to know either way, you being so indecisive is killing me".

    Everyone looking into our lives who know us are saying the same thing, get rid of it. That makes me feel horrible if I keep it.
    Your indecisiveness is killing him?

    Did you tell him that him pressuring him is hurting you as well?

    I spent so much time in my 20s travelling the world. I loved it. But if I knew then how much joy my kids give me I'd happily have them 10 years earlier rather than travel.

    And there's nothing to say that you can't travel and move away for a while with a baby.

    I dunno. I'm sorry, it probBly sounds like in telling you to choose the baby. I guess I just don't like the way he is pressuring you.


 

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