Apologies for the 'wall of text' .... But let's *name* what's going on here.
Your partner is not actually communicating fairly, he is using a manipulative technique known as 'emotional blackmail'.
from wiki -
"Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of psychological manipulation, employing a mixture of threats, appeals and emotionally punitive behaviour to control an intimate.
Under pressure from emotional blackmail, one may become a sort of hostage, forced to act under pressure of the threat of responsibility for the other's breakdown.
Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation and guilt in their relationships, ensuring that the victim feels afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and swamped by guilt if they resist.
Knowing that the victim wants love, approval or confirmation of identity and self-esteem, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, making the victim feel they must earn them by agreement.
If the victim believes the blackmailer, he/she could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior, lost in what Doris Lessing described as "a sort of psychological fog". Forward (and Frazier) invented the acronym FOG, standing for Fear, Obligation, Guilt - feelings which often result from being exposed to emotional blackmail when in a relationship with a person who suffers from a personality disorder.
Typically, emotional blackmail has six stages: Demand, Resistance, Pressure, Threats, Compliance and Repetition."
He sounds like he's in the threat making stage at the moment.
Power and control within relationships tends to go in cycles.
His comments really aren't based in reality, they are geared towards control, and you know that. The fact is, he will be financially responsible for the child whether he likes it or not. That's the law actually. All these things he is telling you about yourself and how the child will 'ruin everything' are tactics and lies. Never allow other people to tell you lies about yourself. Simply say, 'Please stop now', and walk away.
But really, this decision isn't about him, Uncle Joe, or Your dad.
This situation is really about you and what you have co created in your life. In some ways, relationships are mirrors, wherever you go you meet only yourself.
I would pay no attention to manipulative threats. Just say, 'Im sorry you choose to see it that way' and go off and do something else. 'This is my decision, deal with it' also works well.
A previous poster, Phony, and many others, showed what I feel would be appropriate anger to this situation. It's interesting that you don't sound angry. Are you? If you need to get angry, do so, it's sometimes our best defence against people violating our boundaries. Imagine someone trying to take a lion cub from a Lioness!
I wonder, if your mum were alive, what would she tell you to do?
I really commend you on reaching out. Its not easy. This isnt meant to sound patronising, but I really am proud of you. You have a lot of support here X