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  1. #511
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    Reasons he gave me for leaving:

    * doesn't like cheerleading business
    * doesn't like horses
    * doesn't like football
    * I don't like his violent decapitating tv shows yet he refuses to watch my shows.
    * I don't like Mexican and pizza every weekend
    * my behaviour (though he said it was great now)

    He said to me we were completely different people. I looked at him and went "because I don't like every movie you like and because I don't want pizza every weekend?" I couldn't understand, the behaviour yes I agree, but the rest....

    Him and I had exactly the same ambitions in life. Property development, buy a house, have 3 kids, travel to Canada to live for a year, have two border collies. The only thing he didn't agree on was when I asked to go spend 6 months after Canada in California to learn off the dance/ Cheer gyms.

    As my sister said to him, you knew about all of these things when you married her... 11 months ago! None of this is new, the only thing that's changed is the outside factors putting stress on your marriage. She said also to him you can never like 100% the same things as you are different. Why do you expect her to want to watch some gross show if you refuse to watch a girl show!

    I have lost him now, His family who I love and my puppy Who was my mums puppy when she died. I didn't want to cause a fight so just said "you have him" but I loved that dog with all my heart. I am trying to organise visitation to see him. Seems silly but during the hard times he was there to give me cuddles and dog cuddles!

    Feel like I've lost so much in such a short time. I was trying hard to save the marriage but reading through my texts the way I spoke to him it was clear that I was irritated and I just spoke to him like crap.

  2. #512
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    If you want the dog then ask for the dog. Stop being a martyr, it won't get him back.

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  4. #513
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    Ye.

    Just go get the dog. It was yours to begin with, and animals will always make you smile.

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  6. #514
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    I completely agree with loodle and beebs, I'm sorry, but this guy is a sh*t person. At least right now. He's a child and not mature enough to be in a functioning relationship. Maybe neither of you are.

    I'm not excusing your behavior, but I understand it. I'm not sure if you read my posts before I deleted them. You've been through SO much and it breaks you and when you're broken you sometimes act like an ***. But, I get the impression that you acting like an *** through all of this was most likely few and far between and your husband has utterly failed to be a supportive partner during some pretty awful and traumatizing moments in your life.

    Please don't waste more time on him. Easier said then done I know. But you're young and I guarantee you will be so much happier in the future. Go to counseling to learn to recover and grieve properly for your mom, your lost pregnancy and your marriage. Go get your dog. Don't be a martyr, he's not worth it. The fact that he can behave the way he has and give you such petty reasons to split shows he's not worth it. You'll be ok.

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  8. #515
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    Hi Brimm


    You sound as though you are in a much better place now despite grappling with a new set of more solvable issues.


    Looking to your future is important and I'm glad you are doing that and making plans. Like well planted fields, these things sustain you in the end.


    It is not for me to judge any choices you have made, I have not walked in your shoes, it is your life. It is not for me to judge truth, for I do not pretend to know it. But I have witnessed that your journey has been a difficult one, and I feel sorry for your troubles.


    The funny thing is about life on planet earth, is that sometimes the stars smile on us in ways that initially present themselves as tragedy and loss. Like pruning a rosebush ready to bloom after a long dark Winter, sometimes we must cut away or lose parts of our life in order to grow and to come into our own true beauty.


    Perhaps you have been fortunate that your husband has been the instrument of this change, and cut away that which you could not do for yourself.


    And there's also the possibility that you unconsciously destroyed that which you knew in your heart to be wrong, and that a part of you that needed to be free had its way and broke out of its shell, now ready to spread its wings and fly. Whatever the path you have walked, maybe you have now simply received what sounds like a new opportunity to dream a new set of dreams for yourself. The opportunity to begin again, only this time with more wisdom and self awareness.


    If you want to go back to him, you may, that is also your choice. Like an old pair of shoes you don't wear anymore because they gave your blisters, he will always be there. I've stubbed my toe often on the same rock in my garden, and have never removed it - sometimes we are prepared to suffer that which is familiar and we have known as part of our world for so long. Much of our pain is self chosen. And sometimes we can heal each other's wounds. That's the beautiful thing about being human, we can choose, we can forgive, we can heal.


    The wonderful thing about this thing called life is that we can also always begin again. Anew, with open eyes, understanding that none of our choices are without consequences. The weaver weaves that which she is left with.


    Think of your own happiness, think of that which gives you joy, and make your plans around that, always remembering that life sometimes has its own plans for you. I wish you much love and hope that, whatever your choices, you can heal yourself and return to your rightful place as a strong independent woman standing in the sunshine in all her glory.


    I am glad for your honest reflections, self criticism is always healthy, but do not become stuck in that swamp. You see, guilt and shame never solved much, and I'm pretty sure we all make mistakes, at least those of us that haven't reached Sainthood just yet. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.


    Weave whatever cloth you like out of this, it is your story and you are the only one who must live with it in the end. It is yours to create and hopefully, to enjoy, and to celebrate during your time on this earth. Always remember that what you send out often returns.


    ill leave you with two proverbs that I like - the first is Cherokee


    .


    "Listen to the wind, it talks
    Listen to the silence, it speaks
    Listen to the heart, it knows."


    .


    the last is Zen Buddism
    .


    "Let go or be dragged"
    .




    I like them both. Good luck.

    The spirit in me salutes the spirit in you. X

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  10. #516
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    I'm not entirely sure how many people are still interested in this topic, as I understand many may not. I just figured that maybe by posting my story it may help others who go through something similar in their lives.

    I wanted to give everyone a little update on the current situation and what has been happening the last few months.

    Since being kicked out of home I went and lived at my Uncles place on his couch for several weeks. As a man who doesn't like to live with others I found the whole process quite hard, as many times he would tell me to stop crying like a baby and to grow up. Over those few weeks I lost a huge amount of weight as I simply didn't want to eat and when I would eat something I would be sick because of the food (not on purpose). I'm already incredibly thin so losing weight was certainly not something I wanted to have occur.

    After living there for a while I moved to my dads new wives house (stupid). I then finally ended up at my current location at a friends place renting a room from her. I am currently sleeping on the floor so it isn't ideal but I am making the best out of the situation.

    A week after the separation I lost my business as well due to my Dad calling up family members and telling them I was taking their money due to the separation which was obviously furthest from the truth. However, he was apparently very persuasive and all my parents up and left leaving me with nothing. I was hassled by parents all week and it was just a horrible situation when I had done nothing wrong. So something I had spent money on developing and loved so much was gone in the blink of an eye.
    Needless to say I no longer talk to my father and has been completely shut out of my life for good.

    Fast forwarding to the last few weeks. I still see my dog once a week, but that's it. He is so so excited to see me when I turn up. He can't stand still and wants to give me kisses the whole time. Whenever I try to take him back he'll stand next to me and just look at me as if to say "please don't go". It's so hard and I cry a lot over it. He is being cared for immensely but obviously its hard for him as well.

    I've had the issue that my ex's Dad started reading my mail and pretending that he accidentally opened it. It was a complete invasion of privacy and re-directed my mail immediately. I also have his dad giving me lectures on how it's all my fault and my dads, that he only acted the way he did due to being upset.

    Properties got settled and a contract got drafted up which I signed and didn't fight. I've ended up with nothing as by the time I paid back all my outstanding debts for the Weddings I was left with 0. My ex ended up with roughly $80,000 plus the dog (which I also signed over to him). Over those few weeks of the contract dealings things got really good between him and I, we were texting constantly and we saw each other every time I walked the dog. I kept questioning his motives behind it, as prior to the contract he wanted nothing to do with me. Sure enough he told me he could trust him. When I brought up about trying again he changed from "NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN" to "in the future it may". I later found out he was telling everyone the complete opposite and that he has no intention of ever trying again. This caused a lot of anger from my sister as I was holding on hope of a reconciliation.

    He has been very stubborn about the whole process and it upsets me that he has walked away from this with the dog, all the money and everything. I am left with nothing, no business, no job (got told my contract wasn't being renewed)...completely having to rebuild from scratch and its been very difficult.

    I still see my counselor once a fortnight and it's been an immense help. I have been very strong and take it one day at a time, but honestly...this whole situation sucks so much. The hardest part is all I want is to talk to my mum about it all.

  11. #517
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    tazz475 is offline Holy banjo, check out boob mountain!
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    This may come across as harsh but maybe instead of living in the past and feeling sorry for yourself about how hard done by you have been you could try to make the best out of the situation and move forward? You might find you can better yourself as a person from this experience and help improve your mental health at the same time. Sometimes it's best not to dwell.

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  13. #518
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    Why did you sign everything over to him? If I were me I wouldn't go back and visit the dog. Just leave your ex alone and you will be happier.

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  15. #519
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    thanks for updating. I hope you can just look to the future and never make the same mistakes again. use this time for finding yourself and looking after yourself, and moving on with what you want your life to become. you are the director of your future, take control. marie.

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    You have been through a lot, but you will come out of this having learnt and being stronger for it.

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