The extra information certainly helps put things in perspective, it must have been didficult for you to type that all out so thanks.
I am going to be honest here because I don't believe dodging the truth it sugar-coating it is helpful.
The main thing that strikes me about your whole story is that you are still far too focused on yourself and haven't *really* put yourself in your husbands shoes.
"He didn't help me with the bags," "he treated me poorly after the miscarriage," "he was unfair" etc. Yet you gloss over things that have clearly upset your husband.... (Your dad ripping him off, your business sending you both broke etc). You seem to expect your husband to support you (under sometimes unreasonable circumstances), yet you won't give him the same courtesy.
Don't pressure your (ex) hubby into anything. Don't hold out hopes that your relationship can be saved as I think you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. I can understand why your ex reneged on his promise to attend counsellIng with you: he probably needs a good long break from all the anger, drama and abuse.
Please continue with counseling for yourself. Hopefully after working on your anger/communication/empathy skills you will be in a better place to conduct a successful and loving relationship.