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  1. #421
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I can tell you from what I've seen from other women with husbands like this - it will not get better after you have kids.

    I get the impression that you're a very fit and attractive woman. What if you gain weight during your pregnancy, get covered in stretch marks and he says 'having a fat wife was never my plan, I'm going to weigh you every day until you lose all the weight'. (I'm wish I was making this up, this is the experience of my friend's SIL with her XH) What if you have a CS birth and can't keep the house the way he expects it - since he wants you at home to do those sorts of things. What if your hoo-ha gets ripped in 2 and s3x becomes a different experience for you both - does that fit his 'plans'?!?

    I've said it before, there is no need to rush a decision. You have been through a lot this past year. But don't throw yourself into a new project to take your mind off your loss and forget about how your husband has treated you in the process.
    Well thats another thing, we have huge fights over house hold maintaince. He expects things to be up kept by me and I am pretty busy myself. I do my best but I am not his mother (who cooks, cleans, folds his washing etc). The fights we used to have over me not cleaning the plates before putting them in the dish washer were huge, wasn't until someone stepped in and told him he was being a ******** that he stopped! It was

    Thank you for the compliment. I'm fit, thats for sure but that will certainly never change. I've always been immensely into sport my whole life, having done classical ballet, cheerleading etc. Both my parents were in the fitness industry (as well as other occupations) so I have that within me. My kids will be the same. But I'm more conscious of my appearance than he is of me. I could be wearing no make-up and trackie pants, feeling really gross and he'll tell me I look beautiful.
    He is sweet that way, he loves me no matter how I look which is nice. Its more so him controlling the outside factors than my looks.

  2. #422
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Oh Brimm, . I haven't posted in this thread previously but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for all that you have been through.

    In your last post you said that your husband is very loyal. If he were truly a loyal person he would have had your back. There are ways of doing things and he has done it all in the wrong way. If terminating the pregnancy were importanting to him, it is possible that he could have put the issue on the table and opened up the discussion without treating you like a pebble in his shoe. Taking you to the football is not the same as validating your feelings, it is a bribe.

    It is a beautiful quality to be an open hearted and forgiving person, but you don't have to sacrifice yourself and your needs to another person. You deserve to be in partnership with someone who loves and respects you, who has got your back, and where each of you can become excited about the others dreams.

    All the best to you hun. Don't stay so long that your options for a happy life start to slip away.

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  4. #423
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    Aren't you going to do teaching anymore?

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Aren't you going to do teaching anymore?
    Don't want to teach anymore, no. I enjoy teaching within an elite environment (training those for higher level sports) but have no interest being a school teacher anymore. The kids love me, but even throughout my degree I had no passion for it and come home going AHHH Why!

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    ^^ Absolutely I agree with this^^. Being controlling of you is one thing but a child of his he will see as an extension of himself and expect them to act accordingly. It's definitely food for thought hon, but mostly for yourself. Leave children out of the equation for a second. He treats you like dirt these things don't get better on their own they get worse unless the abusive partner is willing to see the error of his ways and sometimes not even then. Your husband does not.

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    How about a different perspective.
    I grew up with an emotionally (and physically) abusive father.
    Everything you have written about your husband is my father to a t. He only loved me when everything was going his way. He was only pleasant and caring when everything was going his way.
    From what you have said i suspect your hubby only "loves" you when everything is going his way also.
    Being around this man as a child growing up and having to live with how controlling and narcisstic he was has produced some personal qualities within me that i hate. Anger issues, extremely low self esteem, self doubt, the belief that im not good enough, paranoia, phobia of going anywhere alone for fear of what people are thinking, phobia of being in large crowds for fear of what people are thinking, the constant belief that everything he spat out at me as a child and teenager was true. Im only just starting to stand up and push past all my issues. Im 24. It has taken me 24 years to realise he was wrong and his behaviour wasnt acceptable, its not the norm. It is deblitating believeing you are so low in the main scheme of things that leaving your house is a terrifying experience. Cause you are constantly thinking "was he right". You, my dear, need to decide if that is what you want for your children? Do you want your children to grow up with so little self worth?

    Everything you have said here is a complete story of my Mum and Dad's life. It mimics it perfectly.
    Xx

    💜 DD1 aka Peanut 💜 Due 28.10.14

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  9. #427
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hugs to jmeleem , my goodness how terrible. much love to you. Marie

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    So the break down has happened. Last night I had the biggest panic attack I have ever had. I was flicking through wedding photos and for some reason something just set everything off. Think I saw some eye liner that wasn't on right. It was like a steam train hit me 12343 miles an hour, I couldn't breathe, I was shaking, uncontrollable crying. My sister had to come over to try and calm me down as I was out of control.

    It's continued on to today where I cannot feel I can function today. It's pretty much everything that I have gone through coming to a surface. I cannot even go to work tonight as I cannot stop crying.

    Then I got a message from school saying I need to do 195 portfolios (surprise!) by Wednesday, that set the panic attack off again. I'm a mess...my husband doesn't know what to do with me and I don't blame him.

    Feeling like I am losing control of everything

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    hun, I DO blame him. he NEEDS to be there for you and comfort you. but he isn't .. and right now you need to be in an environment where you are getting all the love/support you can get. Call the school and ask for help with the portfolios. I'm sure they won't refuse you.

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  13. #430
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    hun, I DO blame him. he NEEDS to be there for you and comfort you. but he isn't .. and right now you need to be in an environment where you are getting all the love/support you can get. Call the school and ask for help with the portfolios. I'm sure they won't refuse you.

    I tried to contact the school and they said it was the reasonability of the specialist teacher and that they should have notified me earlier but forgot.


 

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