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  1. #411
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I'm sorry for the pain you are going through with this loss. It might sound strange but my natural miscarriage had a faster grieving process than my D&C for a missed miscarriage. I think because through that pain you get to scream and cry and release a lot of the emotions.

    As for the study, do you have any practical experience in this area? You might want to look into a course in massage that could get you opportunities with a local football club. Even if you start off volunteering, it might help you to work out exactly which path will suit you. I have a couple of friends who do this for metro and country VFL teams on training night and on Saturdays.

    I'm not sure how your husband will feel about this though (as he sounds quite controlling) as you will be massaging the legs (upper legs ) of some pretty buff guys!
    Thank you very much! I was even considering seeing if I could 'shadow' a physiotherapist and a sport medicine physician for a tiny bit to really see which one I felt I enjoyed more or liked the look of. It's a big decision to make.

    Oh, he wouldn't like that at all. Before him and I got together I was dating a few AFL footballers and needless to say it didn't sit particularly well with him. If he sees any of them on the TV he just cracks it and storms off, so I presume it wouldn't entirely sit well with him that I am working with footballers. Not his decision though, I am married and I am not the type of person to ever be unfaithful regardless of how gorgeous their muscles are!

  2. #412
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    I am so sorry you are going through this.
    You are worth so much more than this man. Leave his sorry a$$, study what you want and live a life you are meant to have!

  3. #413
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Thank you very much! I was even considering seeing if I could 'shadow' a physiotherapist and a sport medicine physician for a tiny bit to really see which one I felt I enjoyed more or liked the look of. It's a big decision to make.

    Oh, he wouldn't like that at all. Before him and I got together I was dating a few AFL footballers and needless to say it didn't sit particularly well with him. If he sees any of them on the TV he just cracks it and storms off, so I presume it wouldn't entirely sit well with him that I am working with footballers. Not his decision though, I am married and I am not the type of person to ever be unfaithful regardless of how gorgeous their muscles are!
    Yes the women I know who do this job are completely professional about it. A jealous guy just wouldn't understand how that is possible, but it is just a job that needs to be done and if you have an interest in sports medicine then it is a good option.

  4. #414
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post

    Oh, he wouldn't like that at all. Before him and I got together I was dating a few AFL footballers and needless to say it didn't sit particularly well with him. If he sees any of them on the TV he just cracks it and storms off, so I presume it wouldn't entirely sit well with him that I am working with footballers. Not his decision though, I am married and I am not the type of person to ever be unfaithful regardless of how gorgeous their muscles are!
    So on top of all his character flaws.... he's jealous as well DH and I had lots of partners before we got together. Why in the world would we judge or hold each other responsible for who each other dated before we even met??

    Brimm. Get rid of this poor excuse of a man, follow your dreams and go to uni. Get out now before you have kids.

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  6. #415
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    @brimm each of your post shows your DH in a worst and worst light.

    Surely he must have some qualities? I struggle to understand why you would have married him otherwise.

    I just want to take you away from this all and show you how good a life partner can (and should) be. Hugs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    @brimm each of your post shows your DH in a worst and worst light.

    Surely he must have some qualities? I struggle to understand why you would have married him otherwise.

    I just want to take you away from this all and show you how good a life partner can (and should) be. Hugs.
    Yeah, unfortunately his bad points have been more predominate recently. My mum loved him which is a reason it's very hard to recognise these points. He is incredibly loyal and loving (generally). He can be extremely stubborn and like his father at times where he is fixated on what he wants and requires in life, rather than my wants and needs. These have been prevalent in obviously this situation, my business and even our wedding. On the other hand if he wants something he gets it and I cannot get in the way. His reasoning behind it is him earning more money than me, which is true but his money is our money and same with mine.

    He has been very supportive of my career (university side of things) and is a big family man (though it doesn't seem like it at this point in time). Pretty much I am coming to believe that I am living his life and as long as I stay by what he wants all is good. Did I want to have two investment properties and be mortgaged to the ground while I was struggling to find work and we had to pay for our wedding? NO! But the next thing I know it had occurred.

    I've sacrificed a lot in my life. For the 1st year we were together he would get extremely angry when I went to the football every weekend or would watch the game on TV. He said I was wasting my time and should be spending it with him. I offered for him to come along and he said "to watch your team, no way". Thats his choice. Then we had fights about the fact one of the guys I dated played for his team and how he can't watch the game anymore due to this. That went on for a full year. Then it was about my business, we fought every night for about 6 months about him saying choose between him and the business. I put my foot down and got my mum involved, who quickly set him straight about it. It's always been a fight about something that I do with my life.
    Last edited by brimm; 18-06-2014 at 12:50.

  8. #417
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    oh @brimm I thought your answer would show him in a better light but it is actually just making him worst

    I have one simple rule for a successful marriage and partnership : to treat my husband and partner as I would my best friend and expect the same.

    Read what you just write and replace "husband" by "best friend".
    What would you think of such best friend?

    From what you wrote it sounds like he believes you are his property and here on earth to make him happy.
    Last edited by ExcuseMyFrench; 18-06-2014 at 13:24.

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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Yeah, unfortunately his bad points have been more predominate recently. My mum loved him which is a reason it's very hard to recognise these points.
    What a horrible situation and such an emotional time you are having. I really really feel for you.

    One thing that jumped out at me is what you wrote above. Do you think your mum would be happy with the way you are being treated by him now?

    I am glad you seem to be sticking around, there is amazing support here.

  11. #419
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    I can tell you from what I've seen from other women with husbands like this - it will not get better after you have kids.

    I get the impression that you're a very fit and attractive woman. What if you gain weight during your pregnancy, get covered in stretch marks and he says 'having a fat wife was never my plan, I'm going to weigh you every day until you lose all the weight'. (I'm wish I was making this up, this is the experience of my friend's SIL with her XH) What if you have a CS birth and can't keep the house the way he expects it - since he wants you at home to do those sorts of things. What if your hoo-ha gets ripped in 2 and s3x becomes a different experience for you both - does that fit his 'plans'?!?

    I've said it before, there is no need to rush a decision. You have been through a lot this past year. But don't throw yourself into a new project to take your mind off your loss and forget about how your husband has treated you in the process.
    Last edited by Stretched; 18-06-2014 at 13:54.

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  13. #420
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I can tell you from what I've seen from other women with husbands like this - it will not get better after you have kids.

    I get the impression that you're a very fit and attractive woman. What if you gain weight during your pregnancy, get covered in stretch marks and he says 'having a fat wife was never my plan, I'm going to weigh you every day until you lose all the weight'. (I'm wish I was making this up, this is the experience of my friend's SIL with her XH) What if you have a CS birth and can't keep the house the way he expects it - since he wants you at home to do those sorts of things. What if your hoo-ha gets ripped in 2 and s3x becomes a different experience for you both - does that fit his 'plans'?!?

    I've said it before, there is no need to rush a decision. You have been through a lot this past year. But don't throw yourself into a new project to take your mind off your loss and forget about how your husband has treated you in the process.
    Well thats another thing, we have huge fights over house hold maintaince. He expects things to be up kept by me and I am pretty busy myself. I do my best but I am not his mother (who cooks, cleans, folds his washing etc). The fights we used to have over me not cleaning the plates before putting them in the dish washer were huge, wasn't until someone stepped in and told him he was being a ******** that he stopped! It was

    Thank you for the compliment. I'm fit, thats for sure but that will certainly never change. I've always been immensely into sport my whole life, having done classical ballet, cheerleading etc. Both my parents were in the fitness industry (as well as other occupations) so I have that within me. My kids will be the same. But I'm more conscious of my appearance than he is of me. I could be wearing no make-up and trackie pants, feeling really gross and he'll tell me I look beautiful.
    He is sweet that way, he loves me no matter how I look which is nice. Its more so him controlling the outside factors than my looks.


 

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