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  1. #331
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    Brimm,

    I've read all these posts and while on one hand I have first hand experience of people being quite horrible to each other in a marriage I think the key is often whether they are willing to change or work through it to get better.

    Most things can be forgiven when people take ownership of how they have behaved.

    Investment properties and cars are your husband's current goals. What about waking up every day feeling loved, feeling like part of a team? Feeling like you are supported and protected?

    It is surprising what love can survive and whilst I agree with PP that your hubby is behaving like an utter moron right now, I think maybe he is very scared and it sounds like this is maybe the first real life decision he has had to make that could in anyway compromise his own agenda. You on the other hand, sound like you compromise a lot. I noticed you said if you miss work today your husband won't be happy. What about the things he does that make you unhappy? Is he up late stewing over your reaction, worried and fearful of what you might do if he behaves in a way that does not impress you?

    Look after your health and this pregnancy first. Then think about this: you are going through the most traumatic and painful experiences and losses. What about your wedding vows? What about richer/poorer, sickness/health? Your husband signed up for that, to love you through all of that. If he can overcome the daily urge to be a ******* to you and everyone else, and man up and realise that marriage is about love AND compromise then that is wonderful. And marriage counselling will be ideal. If he can't, then you will have to make the decision on which you can handle: some more loss (of a finite nature), or much more abuse and controlling behaviour, which will be never-ending.

    Thinking of you, good luck, and be safe and well.

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  3. #332
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    My body ended up making its mind up for me in relation to going to work. Woke up at 3am in horrible pain that wouldn't leave. Left me screaming and crying. Took some panadols which killed the pain a bit, but still had to suffer through 2 hours of it. Still very sore so have called in sick, much to the distain of my work. I'm going to the doctors when it opens.

  4. #333
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    My body ended up making its mind up for me in relation to going to work. Woke up at 3am in horrible pain that wouldn't leave. Left me screaming and crying. Took some panadols which killed the pain a bit, but still had to suffer through 2 hours of it. Still very sore so have called in sick, much to the distain of my work. I'm going to the doctors when it opens.
    I'm glad you're going to see the Dr. It's best to get checked out. Don't worry about work, it's only work and they'll survive without you for a day. You need to put yourself first for the time being.

  5. #334
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. I have lost two pregnancies and it just breaks you. I cant imagine going through it without my partner holding me up every step of the way.
    You sound like such a loving and caring woman.
    Can I ask what your husband brings to this marriage? He isn't supportive, caring or loving. He talks down to you, controls you, completely disregards you and your feelings.
    You deserve so much more.
    Think about this, if you had a daughter and she was treated so awfully, what would you tell her to do?

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  7. #335
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    I'm so sorry brimm. Be kind to yourself.

    My only advice is if the investment property sells please don't fritter away the money on a car it holiday like your husband is suggesting. Use it to buy yourself some time away from such a toxic environment.

    Maybe go spend a week at your sisters?

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  9. #336
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    I'm so sorry Brimm What an awful time you're going through. I too have lost a pregnancy and I can't imagine having to go through that while my husband was happy about it! His behavior towards you is just disgusting and there is no excuse for it, no matter what he is going through.

    I really do hope that one day when you're married to a wonderful, supportive, loving and kind hearted man, with beautiful children and a happy, loving home, that you will be able to look back on this marriage and realise that escaping from this awful, controlling narcissist was the best decision you ever made.

    I have been through a similar thing with an equally awful man, and for me it was a blessing in disguise. I was given a very forceful wake up call, I realised that I deserved so much better... so I left and never looked back! I'm now married to an amazing man, with a beautiful son and a lovely home. I shudder to think what my life would be like now if I had stayed



    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  11. #337
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    I've been reading along and I'm so sorry and totally disgusted you are being treated this way, and at a time like this!
    I'm sorry to be crass but your husbands father sound like a self entitled pr!ck who has raised a narcissistic bas*ard.
    All of this screams emotional abuse.
    Please look up about narcissistic personality disorder.

    The main thing I wanted to say was to put yourself first.
    I don't want to freak you out but I think it's important you find out ASAP what is happening with this pregnancy.
    Ectopic comes to mind with some of your symptoms.
    Please take care of yourself.

    With your husband though, his behavior is inexcusable, disgusting and vile.
    But I think it's important to understand he will never change and he doesn't even see how his actions are bad right now, it's justifiable behavior for the self centered person.

    Just please put yourself first.
    ***** everyone else, you are capable of putting you, your body and your health first. Don't think you can't because you want to keep some kind of peace.
    Let everyone else crumble when you stop being their supply that bends and folds the way they want.
    I can see from what I've read you are strong, but that doesn't mean you're immune to abuse.
    Stay strong.

    Edit to add:
    Just see you're heading to the drs this morning.
    I hope everything is ok.
    Sending my thoughts
    You will always have endless support here.
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 10-06-2014 at 09:49.

  12. #338
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    I'm actually contemplating if perhaps going to emergency would be better than the doctors? From my understanding a lot can be done there? I rang up the Doctors and asked to speak to mine, she simply said to come in and get some blood work done.
    The pain has subsided but I feel so drained physically. Still barely any bleeding though.

  13. #339
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    @brimm Id go to the emergency. You are right, there is not much your GP can do whereas in hospital they could do a lot of tests

    Good luck

  14. #340
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    @brimm Id go to the emergency. You are right, there is not much your GP can do whereas in hospital they could do a lot of tests

    Good luck
    Would emergency be able to provide me with a medical certificate for work or will I have to go to the doctors for that?


 

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