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  1. #321
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    Maybe I'm confused, but what is it exactly that's so hard for him to deal with at the moment? Selling a couple of properties? I know that can be stressful but it would pale in comparison to losing your mum and everything else you're dealing with at the moment! Taking care of the finances for a while seems like the least he should be doing!!

    What his father said to you was completely out of line. How dare he. It sounds like his parents are fueling your DHs poor behaviour and attitude.
    My dad blackmailing them, it's all I've heard about for 3 months straight from both my husband and his dad. I actually said to his dad at one point when I was trying to do some business admin work to stop talking about it with me. Point is though, it's been sorted. My husband though wanted to take the difficult root and sue my father because of the blackmailing. He wouldn't listen to me when I said "just play nice and get it sorted". I ended up having to step in and work things out for them, I still got told off though. One of the blocks just won't sell and even if it does he'll complain about how much he got for it and that if he had the other block (which he stupidly gave to my dad to try and get away from him) he would have earned more money. To add to everything everything is going AMAZING for my dad who is currently in Hawaii with his 'wife'. He brags about how much money he now has because he scored himself a CEO position at a huge company, sold the block straight away....I don't believe in karma anymore.

    I'm sorry to be complaining so much, I'm sure everyone has their own problems at the moment.

  2. #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think spoiled goes beyond material items. It sounds like his parents have indulged his narcissism his whole life, and actually reinforced it.

    I don't care how old my son was, if he did this to his wife, he's get a swift swipe around the ears from me and be told to man up and stop being a spoilt turd.
    Amazing you said that actually. I told my husband not to mention I was pregnant to his parents due to the way I knew his father would act. I knew I would cope with his opinionated views. Here is a man who constantly offends anyone he comes into contact with but thinks its 'funny'. I just knew he would side with my husband and I'd have my back even further pushed against the wall. Thankfully my husband didn't want to involve his parents.

  3. #323
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    Hon it sounds to me like you might be on the verge of a breakdown. I wouldn't blame you if you were, I'd have fallen to pieces well before now. Please don't go to work tomorrow. If you are miscarrying you need to rest and be checked out. Your work will understand. Your physical and emotional health is more important than a day's pay.

    Your husband is behaving selfishly. I've been there. You sound like you have a massive heart and a generous spirit which is being massively exploited at the moment.

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  5. #324
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    Quote Originally Posted by hangingupsidedown View Post
    All I keep hearing brimm is that this man has zero empathy for you. I've not read a single comment from you where he's acknowledged your feelings without making the issue about himself. No matter what you say to him his response is all about himself and how he feels and what you've done to cause him to feel that way. You have every right to be furious and fed up. This man epitomises selfishness and as others have said, is a classic sign of emotional abuse. I'm so sorry you're living with this.
    Agreed. I hope at some point you realize this. I don't know how you cope at all with him. It's a horrible kind of loneliness when you're hurting and the people who should care don't I gather he will be happy again when things turn around financially but that has nothing to do with you. I knew he'd be thrilled about a miscarriage. That's seriously disgusting. Does any of his behavior make you question your marriage? :/

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  7. #325
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    Brimm, I'm just very sad for you.
    Have the day off work, get yourself checked out, get some rest.

    I'm furious with the way you are being treated, it sounds like nobody close to you in your life is supporting or comforting you, no wonder you feel like your back is to a wall, it is.

    I'm so sorry Brimm, I wish there was something real I could do, if nobody there is taking care of you, YOU take care of you hun.

    It's a disgrace the way he has treated you.

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  9. #326
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    • got married
    • got screwed over by your dad
    • made homeless
    • got pregnant
    • got screwed over by your husband (eg. no support)
    • got screwed over by your FatherinLaw (sorry, but a man who acts like that does not have a big heart)
    • left on your own to deal with it all on your own
    • who is dealing with your legal situation? it's likely you're getting screwed there too....

      I'm exhausted.

      So with all of the above in mind, rather than constantly rehashing it and creating further fatigue and stress for yourself, what are you going to do now?

  10. #327
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    Sweetheart,

    I think you need a holiday. One or two weeks - if you can't afford more/not the right time.

    Just go somewhere and detox from this situation, take time to make peace with your mums passing as much as you can, and just relax!

    School hols is coming up.. Seriously consider it... Your posts are making even me exhausted

    Hugs xo

  11. #328
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    So your husband is more concerned with himself and having a man cold while you appear to be miscarrying, and won't be impressed at you not getting paid to have a day off???

    I'm sorry Brimm, but I'm heavily censoring myself by saying you really need to reassess this marriage. What defines us is not how we act when things are good. It's how we behave when our lives are going to sh*t. He sounds like a complete jerk. Sorry, but you deserve so much better than this
    Totally agree with you. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt with how he was behaving but I officially think he's a sh*thead now. He's being quite cruel.

    I need to finish reading replies but I hope you guys consider counseling after this.

    Eta: Do you think you'll be able to forgive him? Are you questioning your marriage?

    Really hope you'll consider allowing yourself some rest.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 10-06-2014 at 00:37.

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  13. #329
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    The more I read, the more I feel for you Brimm. I cannot fathom as to why your husband can't show you any possible support during such an emotional and physical time for you, without acting like a spoilt prick (Please forgive me, but I'm sorry Brimm, I have no other words). It's just beyond ridiculous the way he is acting. It sounds like no-one in that family give a crap. You have people on BH more concerned , than your own husband. I hope it all works for out for you Brimm. x x x x x


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  15. #330
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    Brimm,

    I've read all these posts and while on one hand I have first hand experience of people being quite horrible to each other in a marriage I think the key is often whether they are willing to change or work through it to get better.

    Most things can be forgiven when people take ownership of how they have behaved.

    Investment properties and cars are your husband's current goals. What about waking up every day feeling loved, feeling like part of a team? Feeling like you are supported and protected?

    It is surprising what love can survive and whilst I agree with PP that your hubby is behaving like an utter moron right now, I think maybe he is very scared and it sounds like this is maybe the first real life decision he has had to make that could in anyway compromise his own agenda. You on the other hand, sound like you compromise a lot. I noticed you said if you miss work today your husband won't be happy. What about the things he does that make you unhappy? Is he up late stewing over your reaction, worried and fearful of what you might do if he behaves in a way that does not impress you?

    Look after your health and this pregnancy first. Then think about this: you are going through the most traumatic and painful experiences and losses. What about your wedding vows? What about richer/poorer, sickness/health? Your husband signed up for that, to love you through all of that. If he can overcome the daily urge to be a ******* to you and everyone else, and man up and realise that marriage is about love AND compromise then that is wonderful. And marriage counselling will be ideal. If he can't, then you will have to make the decision on which you can handle: some more loss (of a finite nature), or much more abuse and controlling behaviour, which will be never-ending.

    Thinking of you, good luck, and be safe and well.

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