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  1. #211
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    Brimm, from a financial perspective, if you are a permanent teacher in a public school, and have been since the beginning of the year, you should be entitled to maternity leave. Not sure which state you're in, but in Queensland it's 14 weeks at your usual salary, which you can also take at half pay (28 weeks). Again, not sure if this is the same across the country, but we also get paid our full rate for school holidays, which get added to our leave (as we are entitled to them as a condition of employment). I am a teacher as well, and go on mat leave next week. Between maternity leave, some long service leave, and the paid parental leave, I'll have 13 months off, half at half pay, the other half at full pay. Do your sums if finances are really what's holding you back.

    From an emotional perspective, our son is the biggest blessing in our lives. I suffered a severe and very unexpected mental illness soon after he was born, and he was my biggest comfort. Being a parent is not easy, but sometimes, when you feel so broken with pain and grief, that little person is proof that there is good in your world, and you get to hold it in your arms. No investment property or BMW will ever make you that happy.

    Parenting isn't easy, and it will definitely test your relationship. I am so incredibly grateful that my husband is not only a fun, patient and kind parent, but also an incredibly supportive husband who has always had my well being at heart. A lesser man would have walked away when things got hard, but he has held my hand every step of the way.

    I'm not sure if my story will help, but I just hope that whatever choice you make, you put your, and your baby's best interests first. Babies don't need much, and you'll be amazed at just how quickly you get back on your feet financially if you commit to a budget and some wise spending. All the best xxx

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  3. #212
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    A friend of mine had a positive pregnancy test and assumed she was 4 weeks. 2 weeks later her dating scan put her at only just over 4 weeks when she should have been 6 and she feared the worst but they did a repeat scan 2 weeks after that abs instead of showing her at 6 weeks which according to the first scan she should have been she measured 8 weeks.

  4. #213
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    If you do have a repeat scan try and go to a women's ultrasound clinic where it's pretty much all they do each day. I think it's doctors in those places who do the scans too so you would be getting the expert.

    But as others have said the blood tests will tell you if it's progressing as it should or it. HCG is meant to double every 2 days.

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  6. #214
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    Just wanted to say good luck op, whatever happens.

    If you keep your bub, given what your partner has done so far and how he has behaved would you trust him to love and not to intentionally hurt your child if he/she didn't do what he wanted? Stop crying/ruin his plans? As he has done and continues to do with you? What if you suffer pnd, would he support you emotionally and your child through it, or turn his back. Just something to consider. It is a massive red flag for me having the life experience I do... He is a fairweather friend, only around for the good times or while it suits him. You deserve better, the only way to show him this is to have some respect for and stand up for yourself - this means doing what YOU need to do for you. People will treat you the way you let them. You are not an object, you are an intelligent, caring person capable of independence - stop relying on him to make you feel worthwhile, you can (and will) hold your own in the world.

    If you decide to stay with this person regardless of outcome I really would strongly suggest some marriage guidance counselling. Maybe your wants, needs and desires aren't compatible and identifying this - together might help you both move on. He will (regardless of whether he likes it or not) be financially responsible for any child he has.

    I still think the manipulative, selfish and dangerous behaviour he has displayed will carry through your lives and only escalate. It will be a bone of contention/resentment for him and an excuse as to why "he" isnt where he wants to be in life and for the way he will continue to treat you. Do ypu want your child to feel guilty for his/her father's feeling/moods/success?

    I say run, far and fast away from this man. Sorry, just my opinion.

    Life happens while you are making plans. Don't focus so much on making plans that you let let life pass you by. It really is too short.

  7. #215
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    All I can say is you will loose him either way-- a) have the abortion and resent him or b) have the baby and he goes. The baby is unconditional love and finances will work out. It's just money, and we surprise ourselves with what we can get through.

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  9. #216
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    Hi Brimm

    Congratulations

    As Cue suggested, the babys age in the scan is most likely based on the date of its conception, not your last period, as a sac is not visible until 5 weeks from your period on ultrasound, and according to you a sac was present on the scan. Makes complete sense. Also regarding dates, many women ovulate late and this causes dates to be out. Also, scanning is not an exact science, and shows variability operator to operator. Try to relax a little, don't work yourself up into feeling stressed and tired. You have been through so much, take care of yourself in the meantime.

    Next port of call is the GP for pregnancy bloods, Hcg and repeat scans if you are going to take care of the baby. Prenatal bloods are important, don't be like me and have something missed which causes a miscarriage (in my case a low thyroid).

    Good luck girl. X
    Last edited by Butterfly39; 30-05-2014 at 21:31.

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  11. #217
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    Hi there.

    I have been in this position. I've heard those exact same words from my own husband when I told him that I was pregnant - 'Get rid of it'. I begged, pleaded, sobbed and pleaded some more. He made my life a living hell until I did what he wanted. I lied through my teeth to the counsellor at the abortion clinic and said what my husband wanted me to say. I understand the pressure and the helplessness of it.

    Here's the thing. If you terminate when you don't want to, you will never feel the same way about your husband again. I will never shake off that betrayal. Your relationship will never be the same. And once it is done, there is nothing that you can do to undo it.

    I am pro-choice, but anti being forced/coerced into it. I still know exactly how old my baby would be. I resent my husband hugely. 15 months after my termination he still has refused to have a vasectomy because he is scared. He didn't give a stuff when I was filled with fear and horror, but he is too scared and lets himself off the hook.

    Ultimately, do what is right for you, because if you terminate because he wants it, you will just end up hating him.

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  13. #218
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witchypoo View Post
    Hi there.

    I have been in this position. I've heard those exact same words from my own husband when I told him that I was pregnant - 'Get rid of it'. I begged, pleaded, sobbed and pleaded some more. He made my life a living hell until I did what he wanted. I lied through my teeth to the counsellor at the abortion clinic and said what my husband wanted me to say. I understand the pressure and the helplessness of it.

    Here's the thing. If you terminate when you don't want to, you will never feel the same way about your husband again. I will never shake off that betrayal. Your relationship will never be the same. And once it is done, there is nothing that you can do to undo it.

    I am pro-choice, but anti being forced/coerced into it. I still know exactly how old my baby would be. I resent my husband hugely. 15 months after my termination he still has refused to have a vasectomy because he is scared. He didn't give a stuff when I was filled with fear and horror, but he is too scared and lets himself off the hook.

    Ultimately, do what is right for you, because if you terminate because he wants it, you will just end up hating him.
    Hugs Witchypoo that's so awful for you. I hate that you were forced to do something against your will. Makes me so sad for both you and the OP. No-one has the right to force you to do ANYTHING against your will

  14. #219
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witchypoo View Post
    Hi there.

    I have been in this position. I've heard those exact same words from my own husband when I told him that I was pregnant - 'Get rid of it'. I begged, pleaded, sobbed and pleaded some more. He made my life a living hell until I did what he wanted. I lied through my teeth to the counsellor at the abortion clinic and said what my husband wanted me to say. I understand the pressure and the helplessness of it.

    Here's the thing. If you terminate when you don't want to, you will never feel the same way about your husband again. I will never shake off that betrayal. Your relationship will never be the same. And once it is done, there is nothing that you can do to undo it.

    I am pro-choice, but anti being forced/coerced into it. I still know exactly how old my baby would be. I resent my husband hugely. 15 months after my termination he still has refused to have a vasectomy because he is scared. He didn't give a stuff when I was filled with fear and horror, but he is too scared and lets himself off the hook.

    Ultimately, do what is right for you, because if you terminate because he wants it, you will just end up hating him.
    That is horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Do you mind me asking, are you still with him?

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  16. #220
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    Huge hugs to you @Witchypoo . I'm so sorry to read that...


 

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