+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 52 FirstFirst 123412 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 520
  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Central West
    Posts
    1,540
    Thanks
    1,829
    Thanked
    855
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I agree, he isn't my most favourite person at this point in time.

    He made the appointment without me. We went to our second doctors visit together and he asked for an 'abortion' referral and I asked for a 'ultrasound' referral. We got both and went home. I asked him if I could please book in for an ultrasound first as I felt this may aid in my decision, he refused and called the abortion clinic and booked me in on Monday. When I heard "Monday" I went "WHAT..NO. That's too soon" and he gave me a really horrible look and said "Monday would be fine."

    He said I embarrassed him at the abortion clinic but I simply expressed how I was feeling. I was a mess and it was realistic for them to not allow me to go through with the procedure. He referred to it as "ripping off a bandaid" I am now making it harder for myself. I don't believe that, I believe I will live a life of regret and sadness if I don't make this decision with myself.

    I asked him last night to go see someone he refused and said he'll be fine once 'it goes'. That all his stress, his sadness, his anger and his pain is because of it.
    Ummm why is it all about HIM??? He's not considering you at all. I'm getting so mad on your behalf Brimm

  2. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Chippa For This Useful Post:

    BettyW  (28-05-2014),chickenfoot83  (28-05-2014),KaraB  (29-05-2014),Mod-Myztik  (18-06-2014),mrswhitehouse  (28-05-2014),Rutabaga  (03-06-2014)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    South East QLD
    Posts
    4,034
    Thanks
    3,349
    Thanked
    1,623
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I agree, he isn't my most favourite person at this point in time.

    He made the appointment without me. We went to our second doctors visit together and he asked for an 'abortion' referral and I asked for a 'ultrasound' referral. We got both and went home. I asked him if I could please book in for an ultrasound first as I felt this may aid in my decision, he refused and called the abortion clinic and booked me in on Monday. When I heard "Monday" I went "WHAT..NO. That's too soon" and he gave me a really horrible look and said "Monday would be fine."

    He said I embarrassed him at the abortion clinic but I simply expressed how I was feeling. I was a mess and it was realistic for them to not allow me to go through with the procedure. He referred to it as "ripping off a bandaid" I am now making it harder for myself. I don't believe that, I believe I will live a life of regret and sadness if I don't make this decision with myself.

    I asked him last night to go see someone he refused and said he'll be fine once 'it goes'. That all his stress, his sadness, his anger and his pain is because of it.
    Oh hun. This is setting off alarm bells.

    I really do understand the stress that can come with a surprise pregnancy, but this is unacceptable!!

    Please do not be bullied into making a decision.

    I am pro choice, so please don't think I'm trying to get you to lean one way or another.

    Gosh I wish I could give you a big reassuring hug

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dancingchipmunk For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (29-05-2014),KaraB  (29-05-2014)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    I am so sorry all this has happened to you.

    I agree that only you can decide.

    What I would be trying to think though, if I felt forced to go through with a termination, how would that make me feel about my husband in the longer term?

    His behavior is ringing alarm bells to be honest. As stressful as the situation is for him (and you), I think his reaction has been unacceptable.
    I originally had planned to terminate. I was on roaccutane for my wedding (very very mild dose) and came off it 3 months ago. When I went and saw the doctor they had concerns that it may be too soon and therefore cause birth defects or miscarriage. We rang up several dermatologist though and we found that technically only 24 hours is required to be out of the blood system but they recommend 1 month before trying. That made me take a step back and go "oh...now I really do have to assess everything"

  6. #14
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by dancingchipmunk View Post
    Oh hun. This is setting off alarm bells.

    I really do understand the stress that can come with a surprise pregnancy, but this is unacceptable!!

    Please do not be bullied into making a decision.

    I am pro choice, so please don't think I'm trying to get you to lean one way or another.

    Gosh I wish I could give you a big reassuring hug

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Thank you. I really felt I had no where to turn, so this is the reason I have turned to this forum for help. I feel very alone at the moment.

    I am pro-choice too but have always been against abortion for myself (unless under serious circumstances). That makes the decision harder.

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    South East QLD
    Posts
    4,034
    Thanks
    3,349
    Thanked
    1,623
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Thank you. I really felt I had no where to turn, so this is the reason I have turned to this forum for help. I feel very alone at the moment.

    I am pro-choice too but have always been against abortion for myself (unless under serious circumstances). That makes the decision harder.
    You will always find support here.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to dancingchipmunk For This Useful Post:

    DesperatelySeekingSleep  (28-05-2014)

  9. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    193
    Thanks
    76
    Thanked
    55
    Reviews
    0


    You are so brave to be going through all this at the moment. I'm glad you and your sister are so close so you have someone at your back, whatever you decide.

    My DH and I also got married last year. We're not drowning in debt but do barely get by on both wages. We have one mortgage, the house we live in. We are both due to finish postgrad study early next year. So having a child right now = not entirely optimal.

    Our 3 year old car started having massive issues last July. After a month or two, we decided that it wasn't safe. The dealership offered to buy it back from us (knowing that it was a massive fault in the car) and we decided to use the cash bonus to pay credit card debt and just have my 17 year old vehicle between the two of us. It's not the best car ever, but goes and is paid for!
    I was having a really bad time at work but was sticking it out because I work in a difficult industry to find employment and we needed the money.
    We got married in October. The week before our wedding DH went into hospital and was told that he would need major abdominal surgery and a resection of 86cm of small intestine. They scheduled his surgery for the following Wednesday. DH checked himself out against medical advice on the Friday night, we got married on Sunday, and went away for two nights for our honeymoon. We were back in time for his surgery, and there was nothing more they could have done for him in that time anyway.
    Three weeks later DH was still in hospital as he'd developed a bad infection. I woke up on a Friday morning, dreading going to work as usual. I got an "overdue reminder" for my period tracking app... I was five days late. Took a test - 2 bright pink lines appeared immediately.
    Now, we have friends who have struggled for years to have children, or had to go through IVF, find egg donors etc to have kids. We had thought it would take us ages to fall, so had decided that from our wedding on we would just throw caution to the wind and what would be would be. Little did we realise that regardless of only really having a 3-4 day window AND DH being really unwell, we actually conceived immediately.

    We were both in shock at first. DH was not unsupportive, but definitely voiced his concern that we were not in the right place to go ahead with a pregnancy at the time. We're both pro choice, but had both said like you that being in a supportive relationship really has to weigh in on that choice. It wasn't until my first ultrasound though that we both knew we there would never be a "right time" for us, so this is the right time.

    I quit my job a few weeks later due to the intense mental and physical effects it was having on me, and somehow found a new job only two days later through a friend. My new employer knew about my pregnancy from the beginning and has been about the best I could ask for! I've loved every moment and am actually a bit sad to be leaving them when I start my maternity leave next week.

    Money will be tight for us for a while, and I have no idea how or when I'll actually be able to finish Uni now, but I do know that DH and I and our bub will be in it together. On the hardest days, when we're staring down the budget and wondering how we'll do this, I just look at my belly and know we made the right choice.

    I think that if DH and I hadn't been totally together on the decision to keep our baby, I wouldn't have. That said, I wonder sometimes if that would have created a distance between us, or even resentment. I'm glad that's not something I'll have to experience first hand, but I would suggest to you that it's something you should probably think about before making any decisions about whether to keep bub or not.

    As for the mortgages with your dad, if you want out, tell him so flat out. I used to wok in family law. Tell him he has three options:-
    1. Buy you out;
    2. Maintain the mortgage on his own and you can stay on the title; or
    3. Sell.
    Just be firm and give him an end date - ie. we will not be paying anything further after (reasonable date).
    That should help you guys begin to establish some real savings for yourselves, either way.

    Good luck xx

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    near Tamworth NSW
    Posts
    1,072
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked
    75
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I am so sorry you are going through this. Your husband is behaving badly. I get he is stressed but really he is being horrible, disgustingly horrible. I had a surprise pregnancy too. Number 4 was a surprise I had a 7 month old, a 3 and 5 year old. We were not doing so well for money still are not but we are making do. I make sure the kids don't miss out and they are loved and happy. To me that is all that matters.

    Please do not get an abortion if it is not what you want. I can imagine it will haunt you forever if you do. If it is what you want to do then do it but it doesn't sound like it is. PLEASE PLEASE don't not be bullied into it.

    Also with the job. I am a primary teacher and find teaching very flexible so that is a crock of SH**.

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    near Tamworth NSW
    Posts
    1,072
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked
    75
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I am so sorry you are going through this. Your husband is behaving badly. I get he is stressed but really he is being horrible, disgustingly horrible. I had a surprise pregnancy too. Number 4 was a surprise I had a 7 month old, a 3 and 5 year old. We were not doing so well for money still are not but we are making do. I make sure the kids don't miss out and they are loved and happy. To me that is all that matters.

    Please do not get an abortion if it is not what you want. I can imagine it will haunt you forever if you do. If it is what you want to do then do it but it doesn't sound like it is. PLEASE PLEASE don't not be bullied into it.

    Also with the job. I am a primary teacher and find teaching very flexible so that is a crock of SH**.

  12. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,393
    Thanks
    2,018
    Thanked
    829
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    In some ways of arms like you already know what you want to do...I think. It sounds like you're wanting to keep this baby...and that's okay.

    However, it may be that you cannot keep this baby and your marriage. It doesn't sound like your husband is able to overcome this change to his plans...and fire what it's worth, I can't imagine that you could have predicted just how unsupportive and outrageously manipulative and childish he could be.

    You've been through such a difficult year...so sorry that this is happening on top of everything else.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Albert01 For This Useful Post:

    Rutabaga  (03-06-2014)

  14. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,234
    Thanks
    650
    Thanked
    889
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'm so sorry. It sounds like it's been a horrible rough time for you.

    I don't want to say mean things about your husband but reading your story, I it's kind of hard not to.

    If it were me, there is no way is let my husband tell me what I'm going to do with my baby-especially after the loss of my mum (and dad too).

    There is no way I'd go through with it unless I wanted to do it, and by the sounds of things it doesn't sound like you want to.

    I'm not going to tell you to leave your hubby coz I'm sure you love him more than anything. But he is not looking out for you right now.

    Reading your post about how close you are with your mum, you sound like me. I know that if I lost my mum and a baby as well, it would change me completely into someone I wouldn't want to be.

    Please don't let him force you to do something you do to want to do. Decide for yourself so that you have no regrets later.

    Good luck and take care. I hope you're ok x


 

Similar Threads

  1. I need to vent about unsupportive family members.
    By gamermummy in forum Feeling alone
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-02-2014, 18:01
  2. Uni- How difficult is it?
    By HarvestMoon in forum Hubbers who are studying
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 21-11-2013, 13:08
  3. Unsupportive Husband
    By MKG in forum IVF
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-07-2013, 16:39

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Cryosite Family Cord Blood & Tissue Bank
Cryosite has been providing Cord Blood Banking services for over 12 years, and is the trusted choice of Australian families. To discuss the benefits of banking your baby's cord blood & tissue stem cells call us on 1800 220 410.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!