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  1. #151
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Brimm - we ALL have these dreams and plans for our kids, and they are being worked on, re-worked, discarded, realised every day. It simply isn't possible to have it all worked out before you have a baby (well unless you are uber rich or something) life is ALWAYS a work in progress, you just take it one day at a time, one challenge at a time.

    The way I make it work is to only focus on the things that are right in front of me this moment, put all my energy into those, and let the rest of it work itself out. I definitely make plans for the future, but when those plans have been made, that's enough, detach from the outcome. Have some trust.

    Life is an awesome adventure, and an ongoing experiment every day of our lives, embrace it. If you relax into the ride, it's pretty exhilarating

    If you use all your energy up worrying, (about things that often never happen anyway) then you have a lot less energy to enjoy life.

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  3. #152
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Yeah, well...he would be to this particular child, I even asked him that question. But yes, he wants a termination....
    My gut tells me here that his actions speak very much louder than his words unfortunately: Talk is cheap. People will say anything to get their own way.

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  5. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    My gut tells me here that his actions speak very much louder than his words unfortunately: Talk is cheap. People will say anything to get their own way.
    Yeah, very true.

    May I ask, this is very naive as once again only began the long research into everything 2 weeks ago! In relation to government assistance what is there available? I know the baby bonus finishes in March, 2014. But is there anything else replacing it that assists families?

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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    Yeah, very true.

    May I ask, this is very naive as once again only began the long research into everything 2 weeks ago! In relation to government assistance what is there available? I know the baby bonus finishes in March, 2014. But is there anything else replacing it that assists families?
    You'd be eligable for goverment paid parental leave, wouldn't you? I'm not up to date with it at the moment since mine has finished, but I heard Abbott is increasing either the amount or the weeks it is paid in July.. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

    And after that you'reeligable for family payments depending on the income at the time

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    Quote Originally Posted by Laydeebug View Post
    The only answer is:

    You just do. You just find it within yourself to do what you have to do for this little person that you love more than you could possibly imagine.

    And sometimes it's hard, but it doesn't matter, because you will do anything for them.
    Exactly That has been my experience. The love you feel for your child is a powerful force.

  8. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by wannawannabe View Post
    So he would do anything for his children and would be an amazing dad, but not this particular child because if I remember correctly he's trying to force you to have a termination. Sounds like Dad of the Year material to me.
    Actually, to be fair, in my situation at least, FOB is an amazing dad. A wonderful, attentive, loving, caring dad. It is possible, and OP would be best placed to know whether her husband would be or not.

    Doesn't mean I agree with how he's behaving in the slightest, but I don't think it's particularly helpful to challenge that.

  9. #157
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    I think right now you need to remove the pregnancy from your mind (just for a second) and try to think if it's good to stay with a man like this.

    There are always warning signs, I think this is a huge one.
    I understand when you say he is a caring, nice man... Every abusive man has those traits, it's how they get their hook in and can make you stay after hurling abuse at you, it's usually the traits they have before the 'I'm going to make you to sh!t scared to leave' stage.
    Yes, he might not have shown this side in the past, but honey! That's only because he has always gotten his way.
    You have a child with him now, or in another few years like he has "promised" and these traits he is showing now will just keep showing through more and more and you will find yourself terribly unhappy.
    DO NOT let his behavior slide because you feel you need this man in your life, you don't need him.
    And if you keep this baby, never, ever get into the mind set that you need to stay with him because you are pregnant. just remember it's much harder to leave 3 or so years down the track when he then uses the child as a weapon against you. Trust me.
    The fact he is threatening to leave because you won't go through with a medical procedure, that involves YOUR body, and is YOUR choice and YOUR baby is disgusting.
    I feel like I want to give you a slap (a nice, well meaning slap ) to wake you up to what he is doing!!!
    And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
    This man doesn't care for you, your body or your decisions and that is a huge red flag.

    I know you have lost your mum, I can't relate to that, I can relate to what your dad has done, mine did the same thing and cut me from his life and left a huge trail of destruction, emotionally and finically.
    I half understand the feeling of not wanting to loose another person so close to you and the family and friends that come with it.
    But I'm a mother, if my daughter was in your position I would be a bucket full of emotions! None of them nice ones.
    If your mum was still here, what do you think she would say? What would her advise be?
    You can stay with this man and feel alone for the rest of your life, or you can leave, build your own family and never have regret.
    I can 100% guarantee you, as a mother of an unplanned child myself, you will never regret a child.
    You might regret the circumstances around the child, but never the child.

    From reading your posts, you don't want an abortion. I'm 100% pro choice, but what you have written here makes me feel like you would regret having an abortion.

    What would your husband do if you turned the tables? If you said to him, "I'm leaving you if you don't let me keep this child" ?
    Perhaps that's something you need to think more about.

    My advise to you would be to tell your husband to F off, and focus on yourself.
    But I understand it's not so black and white.
    S try and do something daily that benefits you and your decisions and go from there.
    Don't think of this as something new that's working against you and stuffing up plans and relationships in your life, see it as another hurdle that you will refuse to regret in the future when your life is in a happy place.


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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    Actually, to be fair, in my situation at least, FOB is an amazing dad. A wonderful, attentive, loving, caring dad. It is possible, and OP would be best placed to know whether her husband would be or not.

    Doesn't mean I agree with how he's behaving in the slightest, but I don't think it's particularly helpful to challenge that.
    I don't know you or OP personally, but this man doesn't even want a child so I find it very hard to believe that he'd be an amazing dad.

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  13. #159
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by wannawannabe View Post
    I don't know you or OP personally, but this man doesn't even want a child so I find it very hard to believe that he'd be an amazing dad.
    That's my point. My husband vehemently didn't want a child and behaved in much the same way as OP is experiencing. And he *is* an amazing dad. That's why I can believe it :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by wannawannabe View Post
    I don't know you or OP personally, but this man doesn't even want a child so I find it very hard to believe that he'd be an amazing dad.
    Mrsharvey's situation was very similar to OP.
    Fob wanted her to abort. She didn't. They are separated, but she is able to admit he is a good father, even though he very adamantly did not want the baby.


 

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