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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    May I ask is it wrong to have the feeling; "What will be will be". I said that to my sister and she got pretty angry, said it was no way of addressing a life. I just believe things happen for a reason, surely they have too? After everything I've been through and for the fact I am in no way a bad person, surely there has to be a reason why things occur?

    After I lost my mum I re-thought the saying: good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. My mum was the most generous, caring and giving person anyone could meet, she didn't deserve to die a painful death at 52. She gave to charities, was always there for her colleagues (sometimes coming home at 9pm having stayed back to help someone with work), she was loved by everyone yet this occurred to her. She's not the only one, there is always bad things happening to good people.

    Don't know if any of that makes sense!
    I don't get it.... Are you in such a bad position that you'll live in poverty and so it's not a good place for a baby??

    The child has already been conceived, it's not like you're thinking about getting pregnant and people r saying it's the wrong time.

    Honestly, the baby is here. It's alive.

    Change your plans and accommodate the child. Investments can come at any time down the track.

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  3. #112
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    Sorry, I hope I wasn't dismissive of your post.

    No I don't think it's wrong to say 'what will be will be '.

    And bad things will and do happen to good people.

    Babies are good things... They aren't a burden (except at 2am when they aren't sleeping).

    You keep mentioning the loss of your mum. You're obviously a loving person. Babies make that love grow x1million. You'll love everything to do with it, you'll see.

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  5. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    May I ask is it wrong to have the feeling; "What will be will be". I said that to my sister and she got pretty angry, said it was no way of addressing a life. I just believe things happen for a reason, surely they have too? After everything I've been through and for the fact I am in no way a bad person, surely there has to be a reason why things occur?

    After I lost my mum I re-thought the saying: good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. My mum was the most generous, caring and giving person anyone could meet, she didn't deserve to die a painful death at 52. She gave to charities, was always there for her colleagues (sometimes coming home at 9pm having stayed back to help someone with work), she was loved by everyone yet this occurred to her. She's not the only one, there is always bad things happening to good people.

    Don't know if any of that makes sense!
    Sadly yes bad things happen to good people.
    Your mum sounds like she was an admirable woman.
    I believe things happen for a reason, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was pregnant with my first my son. He was given 8 weeks to live when I was 32 weeks. My dad was my hero and I was about to loose him at the same time become a parent myself. It sucked I could wait to have my son but I was loosing my dad.
    Things like this put so much into perspective, whats most important in our short lives which I feel you have realised.
    In the end I was induced with my son and when my dad passed 3 weeks later our son was the light in our lives.

    Sometimes things feel like it's not good at the time or bad things happen but sadly that's what make the good times so much better.

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  7. #114
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    I've already had my say to Brimm via PM. Basically I think she can and should do whatever she wants. As long as it's 100% her choice because at the end of it all, that's what she lives with. I'm just subbing to follow.

    Also, I think it's one thing to be blunt (referring to some posts a couple of pages back now) but some thing I read were just plain mean.

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  9. #115
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    Good on you Alexis for supporting Brimm. Yes, Brimm can and should do whatever she likes, but she is posting in a forum asking for advice and support, and so that is what she will get, in all its colourful forms.

    Apologies for the mega post ... A few quotes I thought were interesting from your earlier posts....

    Ultimately they once again refused to book me in, but instead suggested a free counselling session which I have booked into.


    As someone who works in healthcare, As you have seen, since you are being bullied to terminate, the staff will be all over this like a rash, they are trained to get to the bottom of these things, and rightly so. Restores my faith in the world.


    ...Nor should a child be born into a family where one of the parents doesn't want it


    Says who? Humans are essentially just mammals, and in humans and other large mammals it is quite commonplace in fact for one parent to abandon the baby.....Besides, if one parent is an insightless, narcissistic control freak, that should really be a deal breaker.


    Seriously, you're twice the person he is. You just haven't stood up to him. Who does he think he is anyway?


    Since he is continuing to demonstrate that he is a person of low moral character, with little concern for your emotional well being and that of your (his) child, his opinion is not actually worth anything, and you can feel free to disregard it entirely if it does not suit you.


    My husband has dreams


    Honey, so don't we all.
    We just don't make other people responsible for fulfilling them.


    Everything changes once you find out your pregnant. Priorities change and mine have certainly done that.


    Then you're ringing an abortion clinic because?
    Things haven't changed, you're still people-pleasing.


    He said to me in the car on the way back to the house "I just want to know either way, you being so indecisive is killing me".


    Poppycock.
    The dude sounds alive and well and still in charge of Biznitch to me.


    I sounded like a complete princess.


    Lots of what I would call 'first world problems' right through your posts. Perhaps you are both a little entitled. My dear, all that glitters is not gold, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions!

    ------------------------------------------
    The catch 22 of terminations are this:

    Even if you don't have the baby, you both might end up bankrupted and miserable and you will wish you'd kept the little bubba.


    Even if you terminate this one and have another, you will always have sorrow in your heart for the one you lost. A part of you will never stop grieving. I'm telling you the hard truths here because you are a woman and you're old enough to hear them.


    Whether you currently understand it or not, that soul has come here teach you something, and no matter what happens, you will come to learn something very deep from this experience whether it stays around or leaves.


    Your body, your life, your choice, but your consequences. This man will not grieve this child but you will, ... That's why his decision is so cold.


    Let me tell you something about poor little neglected deprived babies without cots and how they turn out.


    My mother put me in a drawer when I was a newborn as they had nothing else. I was raised on a dirt floor initially. Some readers might feel sorry for me as the baby in the drawer at this point. Initially my parents had no money but my mother was strong and wise in the nature of people and of the heart, and she took sh!t from nobody. In fact, she often drove us down to the waterhole in a bikini with a shotgun under her seat. No crocodile or dingo would ever take her baby. I love my mother very deeply for everything she gave me, none of it material really. With those lessons she taught me I was able to go out in the world, win scholarships and awards, get three degrees and a great career doing something that I love, and of course a partner and kids who love me and encourage me to do what's in my heart so I can be happy. My partners motto - 'Happy wife, Happy life.' He is evolved enough as a socially conscious human being to realise that our happiness and our future happiness is intertwined ... If he makes me happy he is making himself happy.


    Still feel sorry for that baby in the drawer? If only I'd had a fancy cot I'd be so much more .......... What exactly?


    If you were with someone like my guy, you would be giggling together like excited schoolchildren, waiting for your first Obgyn appointment and ultrasound appointment squealing with delight at a heartbeat, not posting online in tears with your heart torn in every direction feeling frightened and alone. It's just so unnecessary.


    What you need to give your children most is a sense of mastery in the world, not a fancy cot or pram that is actually only marketed to feed off parental insecurities or guilt about whether or not you're a good mother.


    If you've ever been dirt poor you know that those times can be among the happiest ever. Isn't that what it's about, being happy? Beyond a certain point, money actually doesn't mean much. At a certain point in my career I was earning ridiculous money for myself. Pretty good going for a awkward little freckly girl from the bush. Mum never cared about that though, just that I was happy and I had succeeded following the path I chose.

    At a certain point though, money really is meaningless. You can't spend it, or eat it, you can bathe in it, but it's all just not that important. I lived in a Penthouse in Sydney for a while, with a millionaire, and it was just garbage, I wasn't happy, because the man I was with at that time was essentially a giant sh!t. Despite raising me in a drawer, mother had taught me not to put up with this sort of garbage, especially not from a man, and I packed up and left and never looked back, continuing to seek my fortune in the world alone, but happy, joyous and free. At one time I referred to it as a failed relationship to my mother, who laughed uproariously and winked at me, and said 'oh my dear, dont be ridiculous, congratulate yourself on your utterly ingenious escape!!!'


    The point is, I may never have gotten that fancy cot but I was given the self esteem to not accept crap from douchebags, which in the slings and arrows of life, will probably take you a lot further.



    Listen to these women, they know whats what. The collective wisdom and life experience here is pretty amazing.


    You may not want to look at this, but I suspect you are actually too frightened to have it, and blaming him *might* be the easy way out? If you don't want it, that's also ok, we just don't want to see you forced into anything.

    Thinking of you, I really hope you are alright. There is support out there, including counselling lines you can take advantage of.

    I hope you're not cooking his dinner.

    good luck. X
    Last edited by Butterfly39; 29-05-2014 at 15:07.

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  11. #116
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    I've only read a few replies but really firstly want to echo a few other pps by saying that your husbands reaction is alarming to say the least! He's treating you like a non person, like an abused helpless dog. This is not the reaction I would expect from a married man at all. Yuck. No one can tell you what to do- not even him. He's saying you don't care but it's abundantly clear that he doesn't care about your feelings. Here you are considering something you clearly do not want to do for him but he refuses to care for your feelings about it at all. So don't for a second believe that you're being selfish here. I mean in your shoes after being treated that way would make me question my marriage but that's just me. In any case I really think you will see your baby in an ultrasound and not want to go through with it. I've had abortions and regretted them severely and I recognize in you the real possibility that you would too. This is not me telling you what to do, just wanting you to know that if it's a choice that choice goes both ways and you can keep your baby if you want to and it doesn't make you a bad person at all if you do. I highly doubt your husband would feel any remorse for making you get rid of this baby. Follow your heart honey it's really ok to do that. Big, big hugs*
    Last edited by KaraB; 29-05-2014 at 15:53.

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  13. #117
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    hi brim, I believe you have a long way to go with coming to terms with the loss of your mother. Im not being flippant, I mean like the rest of your life to come to terms with it. Bad things do often happen to good people, sadly. Perhaps you can take that thought to relate to your unborn child. why should you end the life growing inside you.? Perhaps your mother passing has been so you can open your eyes and see what is important in your life. You made many changes to your wedding plans so your mother could share the day with you. Do you think you can change the financial plans just a little to allow this child to be born.? I don't want to sound like im telling you what you should do, but I just feel you can see this baby is destined to be, and your husband is not seeing anything but his plans being set upside down. hugs, Marie

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  15. #118
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    Brimm I've been following along and just wanted to send you some big virtual hugs!

    I can understand the fear you have of losing your marriage/husband after all you have lost in the last year. It's easy for people to say 'just leave him', but the reality is that it is far more difficult to actually do. But this 'man' just sounds so toxic and selfish. If you stay you WILL be unhappy and alone. At least if you left you would have the chance to one day be happy again and to meet someone who will be a real partner to you.

    The way this baby was conceived, well, it certainly makes even a sceptic think that it has happened for a reason...I mean, what are the chances?!

    Someone in this thread posted before that you should just tell your husband that you've made your decision and you're keeping the baby. I think this is a great idea. This will be the real test. Will he grow to accept it? If yes, then that's great. If not, then you will be able to get an idea of how you will really feel about being a single parent, and if it's something you feel you can do/ want to do.

    I wish you all the luck! My two cents - I think you sound like a very mature, caring and capable woman and that you would not only survive as a single parent, but that you would thrive as well. Take some time out to think about what YOU want your life to be.

    Xx

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    I have only really skimmed through the thread mainly focusing on ops posts, so I am sorry if I am repeating what others have said. None of my children were born in ideal financial situations and like you I had expensive taste and DH had dreams concerning wealth. When our last child was born we thought things would be great as DH now has a job and is very well paid but due to illnesses and hospitalisation and me being put in bed rest we struggled a little and are only now just finding our feet again and our youngest is 21 months old. My point is there is NEVER a perfect time to have a child you might think there is but then the unexpected can happen and everything crumbles. After everything you have been through though I can't help but think that maybe this baby has been given to you to bring a little bit of light in what seems to be a lot of darkness. You say that you fear losing your husband as that's the only family you have but your wrong your baby is also your family and even if it ends up being just the two of you that is still a family and you can still be happy and fulfilled. As someone who has lost 3 babies and seen friends struggle for years to have a baby if you really want this child don't let your husband bully you into doing what you don't want. I am pro choice but only if it is YOUR choice not someone else's and to be honest it seems your husband is playing on your fear of being alone to get his own way.

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    Yikes. I am really sorry that you lost your mum in such a way. It seems like life has been so hard for you lately. Just taking one of those situations on its own would have been really hard, but life has really thrown you some tough situations. You are an amazing person I bet you are a wonderful person.

    My husband and I fell pregnant with our babies unexpectedly 7 years ago. We were just married and had been going through so much. I was not working and was not really ready to be having twins. We had no idea how we were going to get through it all, and my husband was pressuring me into having an abortion too. I put my foot down and said that I was going to have these children. It has been hard at times, but the girls birhtday is on FRiday and they will be 7. I can't tell you how much joy they have brought into both mine and my husbands life. We could not have planned it all better. I guess I am telling you that if you want to have this baby, your hopes and dreams for the future will not be lost. You will not be ruined, and you will be more than fine.

    I would suggest going to see a counselor, mainly for your husband. He needs to calm down, and realize that this child is a blessing. I am pro choice too, but to me it seems like you want this baby. Sending you the best vibes either way

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