First time poster and wasn't entirely sure where to write this, so I do apologies if it is in the completely wrong area of the forum. Please feel free to re-direct it if need be.
I am seeking some urgent advice on a situation where I feel very lost and ultimately with little to no choice. I'm scared, confused and find myself with one of the toughest decisions of my life.
Quick back story as it may help advice: I am a 24 year old, University graduate who got married late last year. My husband and I have been together for close to 4 years. Asides from the Wedding 2013 was far from nice to my husband and I. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer during a routine ultrasound for a bladder stone she was getting removed, 4 months later she passed away. It was the most horrific experience I have ever had to go through and I lost my mum and my best friend that day. It made me completely reassess my life as I was very complacent in my life. I'll never forget getting that phone call after work telling me my mum had passed away.
After the death of my mum our lives changed forever and things went from bad to worse. My father (who was happily married to my mum of 30 years remarried a woman he had met on a dating website only 2 days after her funeral, alienating my sister and I throughout the process), my husband and I got kicked out of the Unit we were living in (which was owned by my parents) all because I didn't approve of the 'marriage', we were blackmailed and all our finances taken by my fathers disgusting actions over this period.
We now find ourselves at my husbands parents house trying to get our lives back on track. We have 2 investment properties with my father which has seen us in a huge fight to try and get out of the properties before we lose all control of those. Our finances are terrible as all our money is going towards paying for the mortgages on the investment properties. There has been positive shifts towards those investment properties being sold but we aren't holding out that everything will go to plan.
On top of that everything imaginable has been going wrong to both him and I.
Monday the 12th of May I was at the shops and had an urge to buy a pregnancy test, I had no idea why as I wasn't super late by any sense of the word but I bought a 3 pack and went home. I did the test and took one glance at it; negative! I took a sigh of relief and threw the test in the cupboard behind my make-up products.
Wednesday the 14th of May was a horrible day, I was pulled over by the police and my number plates taken for not having a 'registered car.' No amount of pleading that my car was paid for helped and I was left stranded on the side of the road. Turns out I had paid my registration and it was simply an error in the system and they mistyped my number plate...
That night I decided due to the amount of luck I was having to do another test. Two lines appeared and my heart sank. I stood there not knowing what to do so I pulled out the other test from the cupboard that I had completed on Monday; Positive. I hadn't let it develop properly and had missed the second line appearing.
My sister was the 1st to find out, since losing my mum her and I have become very close. I then told my husband who handled it surprisingly well....oh so I thought.
My husbands views on the matter are very blunt; get rid of it now, "it will ruin our lives" he says. We have always planned on having kids, 3 to be exact but it was planned to be in 2 years time once we had things set up and wasn't in the situation we are in now. He has pleaded at me, screamed at me, its just been horrible. My problem with simply just getting rid of it is that although I am pro-choice I have always said that if I was in a loving relationship I would make it work. The thought of going down that path scares me so much.
I have confided in several people, all with different views. Some believe just getting rid of it will enable us to move on and rebuild our lives before we start to try properly, others said its entirely up to the person and a few have been almost in tears saying 'don't go through with getting rid of it'. My husband has been supportive to an extent, but has made his feelings very known (in other words I do not have a choice). He booked in to the clinic for Monday when I asked him to book in for 2 weeks time as I needed time to assess my thoughts and feelings, he refused. Sunday night I was a mess, in tears and just couldn't sleep. Come Monday I was as white as a ghost as we arrived at the clinic, I ultimately had a nervous breakdown walking through the doors and spent the whole time in the waiting room crying my eyes out. We went through the ultrasound part where we found out I am very very early and then moved to the counselling part where I sat there crying some more. She told us we had to come back another day as I clearly wasn't ready for it. This begins the horror of the last few days; he threw his wedding ring off and went insane about how his life is over and he should just go kill himself, he screamed at me the whole way home, then proceeded to text me all of Tuesday telling me how I don't care, if I cared I would have just sucked it up and done it, that it NEEDS TO GO, that he has rebooked for Friday and if I back out again he is going.
I just don't know what to do. Part of me (the rational part of me) is aware of the current circumstances and know this isn't what we had plan, but another part of me knows that I will make an amazing mum and that what we are currently going through is only a short term pain for a long term reward (investment properties). My husband and I have dreamt of building a life where we are financially comfortable, living in our own house, still doing investment properties, sending our kids to private school and owning our dream cars. He believes if we continue this pregnancy it is all gone.
The reason I am having such a hard time is since losing my mum I have realised how short life is and that anything can happen to us, it makes me want to take life by the horns and just live it.
I really feel like I have no choice in this matter though, either I go through with the abortion or I lose my husband. I would love to hear some advice...anything really.
PS: We are both working, my husband has a very stable full time job and the investment properties and I have a primary teaching job and my own business. He says that if I keep it I won't be allowed to continue with either teaching or my own business so kiss my finances away.