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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Is there any chance that your DS is picking up on negative vibes from both yourself and his dad/stepmum? If there is any chance your child can be made to feel more secure and happier within the existing arrangements that would be ideal.
    For who?

    I find it it very interesting that you always come into these custody (for want of old terminology) threads, considering you have no experience whatsoever in this area. You are all about parental rights, whereas what's in the child's best interests is not necessarily (or even mostly) to spend equal time with both parents. Have you even read up in this area?

    The OP posted because her DS is struggling and unhappy in this arrangement. His dad is hardly available yet he spends 50% of his time at his dads house. That in itself makes the arrangement ridiculous. As a SM myself I think it's heartbreaking and I'd never accept such an arrangement for my DS! His dad is wrong for insisting on the arrangement just to get his fair share (or to hurt the mother which is just as common).

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarej4985 View Post
    The contact between my ex & i is very limited. He believes whatever happens @ his house stays there & vise versa. Which i totally disagree with as i believe i co parenting separated or not.
    considering what you say about the lack of communication in you and your DS's dad's parenting I'm surprised you're in a 50/50 care arrangement (unless it was an agreement and not advised or ordered). It's not workable. I'd be changing it.

  3. #23
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    Our communication hasnt always been this way. A few yrs backwe had a communication book so everything was recorded and that was our way of talking about Ethan. Then he had another child and scrapped the book all together. It was a agreement we made thru mediation as he wanted 50/50 custody when Ethan was only 1. Legal advise was given to me that i had to make a arrangement that was attractive to my ex cos he was going for as much time possible. Clearly now its not working and its effecting my son.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarej4985 View Post
    It was a agreement we made thru mediation as he wanted 50/50 custody when Ethan was only 1. Legal advise was given to me that i had to make a arrangement that was attractive to my ex cos he was going for as much time possible. Clearly now its not working and its effecting my son.
    Yep, that's what I thought.... You agreed to it because you were pressured by your ex and also bad legal advice. I reccommend you fight that if you're don isn't coping or wanting it. I'll forward you some reading regarding care arrangements if you want, when I have a bit of time.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    sarej4985  (26-05-2014)

  6. #25
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    From my experience raising my step daughter over the last 11 years (we have done every second weekend and 50/50), since she was 5, she would cry every time her mum picked her up because she did not want to leave us then her mum would tell us that she would cry when she left her and did not want to leave her. It made things very upsetting for us all, but the reality was that she was fine on both sides 5 mins after the other parent had left.

    And, since moving an hour away from where we lived to be closer to her to have 50/50 custody (living 5 mins away from her mum) it has been a nightmare, with her mum telling us she doesn't want to do 50/50 with us and sending her to a psych to "help" her tell us this, and with my step daughter telling us she wasn't happy at her mums....so who knows what is really going on.

    I think if us parents all got our selves together working well as one unit and really backed each other up then it would have worked out well. As much as it might be an inconvenience for kids having to share households, as person who grew up seeing my dad every second weekend I can say it is far from ideal as well, I don't really have a proper relationship with my dad and I resent my mum for not assisting me having a better relationship with my dad. The psychological research does not give great outcomes for dads and kids who only see each other every other weekend, and yes there can be issues with joint custody too - but in my opinion, after doing both with my step daughter and growing up in a similar situation the best situation is for you to work with the dad and just tell him your feelings and concerns, I am sure he loves his son and wants the best for him too. In saying all that, I would find it really really hard to give up my son in a 50/50 set up...I guess in the end there is no perfect scenario.

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    sarej4985  (26-05-2014)

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    That's correct. Thanks heaps that would be great! Thanks to every one who has responded I really just needed some support. I'm finding it hard to deal with at times. And I'm probably extra hormonal being pregnant & looking after the other boys 😔

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  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stepwise View Post
    In saying all that, I would find it really really hard to give up my son in a 50/50 set up...I guess in the end there is no perfect scenario.
    It can totally happen, if parents can be amicable. I have a great situation with DS's Dad and DS is a very happy and secure child. His dad and I work together to make sure DS has everything he needs and loads of affection. We support each other in front if DS. That's pretty perfect.

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarej4985 View Post
    That's correct. Thanks heaps that would be great! �
    No prob, will do tomorrow.

  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellewood View Post
    For who?

    I find it it very interesting that you always come into these custody (for want of old terminology) threads, considering you have no experience whatsoever in this area. You are all about parental rights, whereas what's in the child's best interests is not necessarily (or even mostly) to spend equal time with both parents. Have you even read up in this area?

    The OP posted because her DS is struggling and unhappy in this arrangement. His dad is hardly available yet he spends 50% of his time at his dads house. That in itself makes the arrangement ridiculous. As a SM myself I think it's heartbreaking and I'd never accept such an arrangement for my DS! His dad is wrong for insisting on the arrangement just to get his fair share (or to hurt the mother which is just as common).
    Gee your making a lot of assumptions there. Of course I know that equal custody is not always in the child's best interest. I also know (and I'm not saying this is the case with the OP) is that a lot of separated parents have retained anger issues that rub off on their kids/lead them to see things with blinkers on/reading too much into what the dad is saying it doing/lead to actions which (in your words) are not in the child's best interest. Your post has done nothing to convince me otherwise.

    - once again I am not saying this is he case with the OP. OP: apologies if anything I have said has offended you. Best of luck with your little one.
    Last edited by VicPark; 26-05-2014 at 22:15.

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  14. #30
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    Good luck with it all Sarej4985, you obviously love your son very much and are worried. I really hope it works out for you all XXX

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    sarej4985  (26-05-2014)


 

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