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  1. #11
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    50/50 definitely does not have to remain 50/50. Its clearly not working for your son so you need to visit mediation again and figure out a new plan.
    Are you documenting everything?

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    Ellewood  (26-05-2014)

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    I knew it was going to be super hard on him I can only imagine how the poor kid is feeling, it's breaking my heart. I think it's definatly time to reassess the situation. I haven't been documenting everything 😞 I guess all I can do at the moment is get him into a psychologist & maybe sit down with my ex to try reevaluate, if that doesn't work it's back to mediation or even family court 😔

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    Absolutely get the situation looked at. Try talking with your ex about it, if he is not willing to be sensible about it, I think you will have to go the route of mediation, perhaps psych reports and court.

    Sometimes it's so hard parenting with an ex.

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    sarej4985  (26-05-2014)

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    Definatly not easy a massive roller coaster ride! I feel poor Ethan is copping the brunt of everything. It's depressing for both of us. I have contacted his teacher & my dr so now it's just waiting on hearing back fingers crossed this all gets sorted sooner rather then later. 😔

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarej4985 View Post
    Any advice would be appreciated.

    My ex and I separated when our child (Ethan) was just under the age of 1. We have been to many mediation sessions to arrange the care of our son. Ethan is now 7 & we decided when he was in Pre Primary to start 50/50 custody, week on week off. He adapted really well, until now. Ethan is in year 2 & every Sunday night/Monday morning on swap over to his dads week he gets so upset & worked up wanting to stay with me. Since Ethan was 1 both his dad & I have moved on & married. I have 3 other children & my ex has 1 other child. Ethan is such a sensitive child, & his dad just says he needs to suck it up & build other relationships. My concern is Ethan will grow up & resent me for sending him somewhere where he is so unhappy & other things such as him developing depression , anxiety etc. It breaks my heart. It's so hard as I try to be amicable with his dad, but he not thinking bout Ethan's needs at all. In the time Ethan is at his dads his step mum is looking after him not his dad & I just feel as a stay at home mum he should be home with me I have booked a appointment at my dr's this week to get a referral to a physc for Ethan to talk to, as he bottles a lot up & I do worry about that.
    Id be thinking about changing the 50/50 arrangement perhaps. If you're a SAHM and his dad is never there then it seems ridiculous to have a 50/50 arrangement. Can you do up a new care plan via mediation?

    I can can totally understand your DS, being a sensitive child, feeling more able to voice his concerns to you, the parent who acknowledges his feelings.

    I think what Ethan's own thoughts are, should be acknowledged and considered and if that was my DS I'd be 1. Having a proper talk with his dad to reconsider the care arrangement and 2. Seeking a new care arrangement that will better suit the needs of DS.

    Good luck going forward.

    ETA: OP care arrangements can be changed if they are not working. 50/50 care arrangements only work in very specific circumstances - when parents get along, agree on major decisions and agree on parenting, if children's friendships and schooling remain consistent, as well as routines and activities remaining consistent. Can I ask how you came to the 50/50 arrangement? Is it something you agreed to, or was it court ordered?
    Last edited by Ellewood; 26-05-2014 at 17:48.

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    My take on it, is he is only doing the 50/50 care to reduce his CS. Does he work a 9-5 job, so only sees him after work until bed ? Then might see him in the morning ? That is really nasty of the SM to say those things to your DS. Sure say it out of ear shot, but not when the child can hear that. That is probably why he is getting worked up, because he wants to defend you, and wants to stay with you so she can't say those things about you.

    Have you had a chat to your DS about this, and try and get to the bottom of it, and ask him if there is anything mummy can do to help you try and have a good time at dads ? Can you try and avoid the whole handover thing though ? So on Monday he gets picked up by his dad from school and the following MOnday by you. That way he is not seeing the other parent having to face each other and/or make any snide remarks, and that way you are not placing him in the middle as such.

    I only say all these things because I have 50/50 week about with my kids. Changeover is on the Monday arvo after school. They have been doing it for around 5 or so years now. Their SM picks them up and drops them off to school, and the dad doesn't see them til around 430 to bed, then doesn't see them in the morning. Yep it sucks big balls, but there is not a lot I can do. I would LOVE to have them all the time, but I don't see him agreeing to it anytime soon. The kids occasionally say they want to stay here but I just encourage them to go, and provide all positive points about being there LOL (very hard haha).

    If it were me, I would have a big long chat to DS and see what all the issues are, and see if you can address any of those issues yourself, and try and nut out what you could say to the father, and go from there.

    Also, what are you going to do if you go back to work ? Unless you plan on being a SAHM for long term. Because most parents have to work, and for me personally I dont' get home til 530, so does that make me a bad parent for not seeing my kids for the extra 2 hours ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by 4LeafClover View Post
    My take on it, is he is only doing the 50/50 care to reduce his CS.
    I must have missed something because I can't see anything in the OP's posts that would lead me to this conclusion. Looking at things through negative glasses can make a bad situation worse...
    Last edited by VicPark; 26-05-2014 at 18:56.

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    Is there any chance that your DS is picking up on negative vibes from both yourself and his dad/stepmum? If there is any chance your child can be made to feel more secure and happier within the existing arrangements that would be ideal. It might involve a bit of hard/painful work.. (Talking with the ex, being positive to your DS about his visits with his dad, improving the handovers eg both lots of adults have a cuppa to create a positive handover environment).

    Good luck

  12. #19
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    I have often thought that my ex was doing all of this because of child support, but i even suggested to him when all this started that i would keep child support all the same as long as Ethan was looked after & was happy. I have encouraged Ethan so much to go to his dads and spend time with his family there, but it doesn't seem to work. He is just miserable. Our change over is already at school so we do not have to see one another. My ex wont budge on the amount of time he has with Ethan. I wish sometimes he could be a fly on the wall and see Ethan on a Sunday night crying himself to sleep cos he doesn't want to leave me. He makes all sorts of excuses to my ex to why he wants to be home with me. He loves his brothers they are more his mates now they are older.
    I have my own business and work from home so i have no problem looking after him & i am also pregnant with my 4th child.

  13. #20
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    The contact between my ex & i is very limited. He believes whatever happens @ his house stays there & vise versa. Which i totally disagree with as i believe i co parenting separated or not.

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