+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Kardinya Perth WA
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    2
    Reviews
    0

    Default Separation & My 7 Year Old Advice Please!

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    My ex and I separated when our child (Ethan) was just under the age of 1. We have been to many mediation sessions to arrange the care of our son. Ethan is now 7 & we decided when he was in Pre Primary to start 50/50 custody, week on week off. He adapted really well, until now. Ethan is in year 2 & every Sunday night/Monday morning on swap over to his dads week he gets so upset & worked up wanting to stay with me. Since Ethan was 1 both his dad & I have moved on & married. I have 3 other children & my ex has 1 other child. Ethan is such a sensitive child, & his dad just says he needs to suck it up & build other relationships. My concern is Ethan will grow up & resent me for sending him somewhere where he is so unhappy & other things such as him developing depression , anxiety etc. It breaks my heart. It's so hard as I try to be amicable with his dad, but he not thinking bout Ethan's needs at all. In the time Ethan is at his dads his step mum is looking after him not his dad & I just feel as a stay at home mum he should be home with me I have booked a appointment at my dr's this week to get a referral to a physc for Ethan to talk to, as he bottles a lot up & I do worry about that.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Have you spoken with your ex about your concerns? Is it possible that your little one is having trouble coping with the changes in both directions? (Eg from dads place to your house as well).

    Good idea getting your boy someone to talk too.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (26-05-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,027
    Thanks
    1,230
    Thanked
    1,959
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Oh that is hard, I couldn't even imagine having to pass my child onto someone who's not even his parent to watch him when he so clearly doesn't want to go. Must break your heart.
    Does his dad see how upset he gets at having to leave you? Surely it upsets him too? I would think he would want his son to be happy.
    Have you spoken to him about perhaps re-assessing access? If you're a stay at home mum, and the 50% of the time he spends at his Dad's he's not even WITH his dad, then you would think he'd be better with you majority of the time and just with his Dad on weekend or holidays when he's home?

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    A 7 year old would be in school most of there time? So there would only be before and after school with the step mum?

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,027
    Thanks
    1,230
    Thanked
    1,959
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by sarej4985 View Post
    In the time Ethan is at his dads his step mum is looking after him not his dad
    Op said in her post that it is the step mum looking after her son, and not his dad

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Kardinya Perth WA
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    2
    Reviews
    0
    This has been going on now a few months in the beginning his dad really couldn't understand why Ethan was being this way. Then regardless of Ethan's feelings he got bitter & wanted Ethan there whether he was unhappy or not. His step mum is the one who picks him up drops him off at school & does all his homework with him but unfortunately she is not the maternal type & I fear he is lacking in the emotion. I'm so sad for him & unfortunatly now my ex has had 50/50 the court won't grant him less time. If I can get something medical to say Ethan is distressed & only wants to be with me I may have a better chance in mediation or even family court

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,612
    Thanks
    2,724
    Thanked
    864
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    I feel so much for you.

    My DD is around the same age, and has started not wanting to go to her Dads. Although they just got every second weekend and a few extra nights in the holidays (their fathers choice not to take the time allocated him in the orders).

    Last Friday she refused to come out of her classroom because she knew after school we meet her Dad. She was sobbing, she was so upset. Her teacher had a chat to her and I had a chat to her and she was devastated.

    I don't have any advice but just that I understand how you feel. It is so hard when all you can say really is well you have to go to Dads.

    Good luck

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    1,201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    The court can change orders if you can show how it is affecting the child. A child psych might be a good start. Have you spoken with his teacher? Or the step mum? She might be in a position to tell you what she sees. There are some good papers written about parenting arrangements for children. I would read some of those- have a look on the single parenting forum. I know for myself I would have difficulty moving between 2 houses 50/50 especially if the dad was leaving most of the care to his partner.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BbBbBh For This Useful Post:

    Ellewood  (26-05-2014),MilkingMaid  (26-05-2014)

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Kardinya Perth WA
    Posts
    12
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    2
    Reviews
    0
    The step mum and I don't get along at all she has called me names in front of my son & has bagged me out big time for claiming child support 😖 I have briefly spoken to his teacher but may have to do it again. We don't actually have a court order in place only a agreement thru mediation in a parenting plan. I just know my ex is very stubborn & will take him a lot to back out of this agreement 😕

  12. #10
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is online now Community Manager
    Winner 2008 - The most optimistic poster
    Winner 2014 - Most Helpful Moderator
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    22,404
    Thanks
    5,372
    Thanked
    5,811
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator
    200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a week
    50/50 care is hard on the kids at times.

    Lots of kids dont really deal with it so well once school starts



    I would set up a specific meeting/session with your ex (and his partner) in order to discuss ongoing arrangements. See if you can come up with a new agreement where he spends more time with you during the week but goes to his Dads 2 weekends out of 3 or something like that.

    If your ex is not going to negotiate, then yeah I would go back to court to try and get new parenting orders. They will consider not what is fair or reasonable for the two of you, but what is best for the child.



 

Similar Threads

  1. Separation advice
    By Chris79 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 14-05-2014, 09:37
  2. Advice on marriage separation please?
    By Quirky in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 26-06-2013, 08:22
  3. Replies: 6
    Last Post: 17-06-2013, 12:06

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Nice Pak Products
Australian Made and Owned. The Baby U Goat Milk Skincare range is enriched with soothing goats milk sourced from country, Victoria. Goat's milk has a pH level close to that of our own skin and contains natural sources of amino acids and vitamins.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Philips AVENT Australia
Pregnancy and early parenthood is an exciting and challenging time, but it’s good to know there is expert advice on hand to ensure that your baby gets the best start in life.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!