Thanks ladies! I'm trying to pull myself up a bit but it's really hard. Thanks a lot for the reassurance that I will still be a good mum even if I do have to get a nanny - that makes me feel a lot better.
Special Patrol Group - the midwives aren't really interested. It took two months of calling them once a week before I'm assuming they just got sick of me & finally referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health nurse. All she could give me was resources, most of which I had already found on my own during those two months. They actually told me that there was no-one at the hospital who I could see or who could help me (when I happen to know there is a large social work department there, as well as mental health nurses), and then all of a sudden two months later there's a perinatal mental health nurse who I can see..........
Cue - DH tries to be supportive but he totally doesn't understand what an anxiety disorder really is so sometimes he just gets frustrated & makes it worse. I'll try to take him to a counselling session but I'm not sure if he can get any more time off work. I'll at least print out some stuff from PANDA for him.
I bought 'The Happiness Trap' yesterday so hopefully that will help