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  1. #1
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    Default How do i stop a mother from bothering me about sight words etc?

    I am friends with a mum from my sons kindergarten (fyos). She asked me two weeks ago if my son knows all the sight words from term 1 and this terms sight words and 100 spelling words for this term. I said yes to her two weeks ago. Today she says her son only knows 20 words and cant remember other words and forgets all the times etc. I said to her talk to his teacher and all kids are different. She said she talked to her sons teacher and teacher said he is fine. She says why is your son knowing all the words and my son cant? I thought it was a stupid questions but didnt know how to answer it but said every kid is different and you need to talk to teacher if you want to know about your son.
    Far out she spoke aloud and i felt embarassed.
    I am worried that she will ask now what reading level is my son which is level 14 and i know her son is on level 1.
    She is going to ask me tomorrow for sure and other days and i just want to avoid her. She was asking how do i teach and i said i dont really know cause he learns it in class. He just learns things by himself. No other mothers talk about it but her and its so annoying. How do i get her to stop talking about it?

  2. #2
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    Tell her you don't remember, you can't recall, umm you're not sure. Then avoid. She'll get the hint. Just avoid her. Look at your phone or read to your son before class.

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  4. #3
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    She always comes to me after school when we are waiting in line to pick up the kids. Thanks for the tip, i will tell her i dont know and walk away slowly.

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    You get competitive parents all the time. But it sounds like she's actually concerned that her son is behind. It's hard not to compare when they're very young. Hopefully she'll find someone else to focus on whose child is closer to her child's abilities.

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  7. #5
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    I feel little bad for the mum. Sounds like she is worried for her son and the pace he is learning especially compared to your son who has picked up learning words and reading much faster.

    I think try being a little patient with her. Be firm though and explain that all kids pick up things at a different pace and that she should try not comparing the two boys. Also tell her if she is really worried about her son, the teacher is the best person to help and that perhaps the teacher could recommend things to do with her son at home.

    After that maybe you could try changing the topic and if she tries to bring it up again say "I can tell you're concerned about your son, that's why you should speak to (insert teacher's name)"....don't add anything else (and hope she gets it)


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Night Owl; 20-05-2014 at 23:51.

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  9. #6
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    I get that she is annoying and agree with your suggestion regarding speaking with the teacher. I do think she feels worried and not being competitive though. Next time she asks maybe you could give her some ideas such as Google ideas for fun reading games, some kids books that you son likes, reading together etc.

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    Mamasupial  (14-12-2014)

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    At the end of the day they are in kindy. Not sure what age your son is but for my kids kindy is meant to be fun (4 year olds).

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  13. #8
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    This thread struck a nerve with me straight away and while I know this thread is old I could not leave this and not comment.

    I immediately felt so keenly sad for the woman mentioned by the OP and saddened by the OP’s response and that of other responders that I truly wonder where the world is heading when I read things like this.

    Where is your compassion?

    Why does this woman need to be avoided? I felt my jaw drop when I read that line. Are we really this heartless?

    I would consider it an honour if someone approached me about her child’s learning. Education, especially early education is such a minefield littered with policy, do’s, don’t’s and an implied competition wherein children must keep up. As a mum with two kindy aged children, I often scratch my head at some of the things I come across. Don’t you? Or do you all have it all worked out? Because I don’t.

    This woman sounds as though she is struggling. Her questions are blatantly those of a gentle confusion and perhaps a growing trepidation that her child isn’t keeping up. Which may or may not be true. In this day and age where all of us are taught to conform and fit in, not keeping up is akin to a cardinal sin. I know this as I navigate the “special needs” sector while trying to dodge the labels. It’s bull****.

    Reading level is not determined by sight words. Or intellect. Nowhere near it. In fact, the use of sight words to teach reading is a strategy that has been found to set children up to fail which is why it is not universally used in literacy education. In fact, in certain sectors it is strongly advocated against. This is because sight words do not teach a person how to read but to recognise shapes. Reading is not only what is written but why. To that end, words must be broken down verbally and reconstructed literally for them to be understood and retained. Learning lists of whole words by rote is not reading. As a result, children will forget largely what they’ve tried to memorise because they’ve not yet learned to decode the alphabet. So what this woman was describing about her son was absolutely NORMAL, a sentiment echoed by the teacher, a trained professional.

    Reading is not related to intelligence. The vast majority of children struggle with this skill. And, from what I’ve seen, literacy is no longer well taught in primary schools. Parents often get the wrong message about how their child is doing and this is aptly demonstrated in this thread.

    So when a parent approaches you and asks non-intrusive questions about how your child seems to be doing well, why not adopt some sympathy and put yourself in her shoes and answer her as though you’ve found yourself in her shoes in the past? Why is asking why your son is doing well and hers isn’t a stupid question? Do you not see that this comparison as a possible sign that perhaps she’s reaching out? And if you know what “level” her son is on, why can’t you share the same information about your son with her? Why can’t you and the other mothers talk about your children’s education? I don’t get it. What is so embarrassing?

    Repetitive questioning is often a sign that she’s finding it difficult to deal with, not that she’s competing with you. I don’t understand why you couldn’t ask her how she was feeling about it, especially since you appeared to be feeling inadequate by the questions she was putting to you. Perhaps then a supportive chat would have ensued and this woman might’ve felt better with her friend or among her peers.

    Success in education is the result of a collaborative and supportive approach to learning. It means questioning, talking and nutting out perceptions. We mothers must do this if our children are to get anywhere in life and that means nurturing not isolating ourselves.

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  15. #9
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    I agree with everything you just said @MrsTickle. How very sad for this mum. I hope she received some support from someone.

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    I agree too. She sounds very anxious and concerned for her son. I would be flattered that she has chosen me to ask - it shows that she feels comfortable with you and I think she would be devastated to read your OP.

    As this is old, what ended up happening? Does she still ask you all the time? How have you handled it?

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