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  1. #11
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    He told me the day he did it. I know he is remorseful, I know he is sorry, I know he regrets it but it still kills me as to why and he can't answer it. He just says he doesn't know and he's an idiot. Thank you so much ladies, I hate that other women have gone through this and are going through this and are going to go through this... I also hate that the few people I have told that haven't judged me straight up for staying have sad stories that they can relate to me via.

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    I'm sorry, I don't have any advice but you have my unconditional support. I absolutely commend you for at least trying to sort it out, that way (hopefully) at the end, if you decide it's not want then you can be satisfied you gave it your all.

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  4. #13
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    I agree that now is not a time to make decisions for the long term, and only you can decide what's right.

    In my world there are lots of grey areas - affairs vs one night stands, kissing vs sex etc. For others things are more black and white. Only you know where your personal boundaries are.

    I have a high threshold for forgiveness, others don't. In the scenario you have described, what would be unacceptable to me is the fact that he says he doesn't know why he did it. I wouldn't be able to think past the present until I knew why, and he figured out the reasons. Otherwise he can show all the remorse in the world but not recognize what went wrong, and how, in order to prevent something like this happening again.

    Go gently with yourself, and allow all those feelings to be felt.

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    If it was a one off mistake there would be a higher chance then a long involved affair.

    Only you can do what's right for you . Don't think about what other people think or would do as it will cloud your judgement .

    Good luck op x

  6. #15
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    Massive hugs sweetie. No one can judge you as they are not walking in your shoes.

    It is such a blow to the guts when something like this happens.

    I too have been in your shoes. Unfortunately for me my exH decided to cheat when I was 4.5hrs away for 12weeks while our youngest was born 15weeks prematurely.

    I take my hat off to you for wanting to stay and try to work things through. I think you going to single sessions will also be good for you. I'd suggest you get him to go by himself also so him and the counsellor can work out why he did it if he can't seem to know why.

    Then go together. Try and both see the same person separately and then together as they may then see the whole picture.

    I tried to work on it for a number of months but decided to call it quits as he was continuing to see someone else. Then he supposedly wasn't so I figured he couldn't tell me the truth one way or another so I decided in the best interest of myself and the kids to let it go.

    I would loved to of worked it out for my kids but honestly I'm now a lot happier then I've ever been and due to get remarried in 2 weeks.

    There is no right or wrong here only what's best for you and your babies

  7. #16
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    Hugs @MerinoChino. I've been there and decided to stay and work. So far it's been the hardest 18 months of my life, but I feel it's worth it- I'm worth it, my children are worth it.

    Agree with PippaG it's one step forward three steps back. You will feel an anger and rage like you've never known. I started running as part of my "therapy" which was actually so so helpful.

    I recommend relationships Australia for counseling- you have to both want it to work.

    My counsellor told me that no reason he will ever give for doing it will be satisfactory- it won't matter what he says, I won't find it satisfies my need to know.

    It will take time. You will feel like nothing you are doing is working and that you have made a mistake in trying again, but if your counsellor is good he/she will guide you through steps to slowly start to love him again and appreciate him.

    I am actually happier in our relationship now than I've ever been, it's been 15 years together. We learned to communicate and to be friends again and to actually support each other through our counseling.

    I know not everyone can heal, but if you love him, it's worth the hard work at least until you know for yourself you either trust him again or you don't, and it's over. I would give it at least a year of working at it if you want to work at it.

    Oh also, he needs to agree to total transparency- let you check his phone Facebook email everything. He needs to be totally honest and no begrudge you your questions. He owes that to you if he wants another chance.

    Your whole relationship will be redefined if you embrace the counseling.

    Big hugs. Pm me if you need.

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    There are so many of us... Sending hugs to all. Xx

  9. #18
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    I'm really hoping this thread continues. I could honestly do with some wonderful women support.

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  11. #19
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    Take each day as it comes.

    Step by step and sometimes minute by minute.

    But most importantly take care of you too. Your babies need you in all of this. If its getting too hard and your head has all these thoughts running through it go for a walk. I found that helped clear my head.

    Go easy on yourself. You didn't cause this to happen xo

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ClearCrystal View Post
    Take each day as it comes.

    Step by step and sometimes minute by minute.

    But most importantly take care of you too. Your babies need you in all of this. If its getting too hard and your head has all these thoughts running through it go for a walk. I found that helped clear my head.

    Go easy on yourself. You didn't cause this to happen xo

    totally agree with ClearCrystal here.

    You did not cause this. Take care of yourself for a bit


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