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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone's relationship survived an affair?

    As the title reads really.

    My husband recently shared that he committed the ultimate act of betrayal and even though somedays I doubt myself, I have decided to stay and try. Try.

    Would love to talk to other women or men who've been through this and are working on getting through this.

    Please no judgement or telling me to go, I get enough of that. Just looking for some support.

  2. #2
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    I can't offer much in the way of advice however I am working on rebuilding our relationship after DH cheated 6 months ago. I was 8 months pregnant and had a 19 month old. I kicked him out for about 6 weeks and made him do counselling. We still need to go to counselling together but haven't had a chance (I haven't been ready to either). That will be happening in the next few weeks and I feel ready now. I think I will do a session (maybe more) on my own first as I still have a lot of anger and hurt that I think I need to talk to someone about. It's such a hard horrible time. How are you doing? Is hubby still at home? I found that time without him here was so good for me to think and cry and figure out what I wanted.

  3. #3
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    It can be done ... but it takes a lot of time, effort and commitment to get through it. From both of you.

    that trust will take a long time to recover ... he has to be prepared to fight to earn it back. If he isnt, then it isnt going to work out.

    But if you both want to work this out, it can be done.

    (certainly no judgement from me though, your relationship and the circumstances and reasons for your choices are not something anyone else can ever truly understand, much less judge you for. You can only do what is right for you)


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    Aw honey.
    Only you can answer that question.
    There is no right or wrong. If you can work through it then do it honey.
    It's no one else's place to judge.
    Xxx


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
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    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

  5. #5
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    I left for a week then went back only to leave for another two with our two babies. It was such a kick in the teeth. We're doing counselling, I'm seeing a psychologist and of course he's attempting to buy my trust and love back which does my head in. I know we can get through it if we want to, if I want to... I know he does. Would you be interested in chatting? I'd love to talk to someone who is sadly going through this nightmare. I've had a few friends say they know how I feel and are there for me. I know they are there for me but unless you've been through it, you don't have the faintest idea how I feel. I swear I am one step off starting a support group.

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    It's something you have to want. So, at the end of the day, do you ultimately want the relationship to work? The only reason I ask is because even though you did nothing wrong (!!!!) it's hard bloody work forgiving someone and learning to trust them again.

    As it's only recent your emotions will be all over the place. One minute you want to try and make it work, next minute you want to grab the nearest cricket bat and go to town (at least that's how I felt).

    It's a horrible thing to go through. Just keep reminding yourself that you didn't cause this. Yes, there may be other issues in the relationship but he is the one who leapt across the line.

    Something I remember reading was if you do decide to forgive and repair you cannot use this as a weapon against him. It's hard. So very, very hard but if you do keep bringing it up you cannot move beyond it.

    Counselling can work. It just depends on your relationship.

    It took a few years for me to trust again. Every now and then I have anxious moments but I know we have worked through our issues.

    Big hugs. It sucks and it isn't fair. Rant and rave, on here or with friends/family. Get it out. I found that helped. Then make your decision.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    MerinoChino  (20-05-2014)

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    I want it to work because I look at the big picture and he is an amazing father, we have had so many great times together and there was so much and perhaps this was just some stupid mistake but it just kills me. I can't imagine ever forgiving him for the act but I can see how eventually I will forgive him for hurting us? I get that swapping from wanting to stay and wanting run (even at him with a cricket bat!) from moment to moment. This is hard... Incredibly hard.

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    I know hun, gosh I know. I'm very sorry you are going through this. Don't make any rash decisions right now.

    Do you genuinely believe he is sorry or is it (unfortunately) sorry for getting caught? You know him. Even though he has deceived you, you still know him.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    It is a long hard road but it can be done. I definitely recommend marriage counselling as I'm sure it saved our marriage. For a long while it was a case of one step forward and three back. I decided to stay and try. I made no promises that I would be able to forgive him but I committed to trying. Well long story short, we are now 4 years on and still together. I still feel sad when I think about it but I have moved on. Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

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    I can't pm you as you don't have enough posts but I am definitely happy to talk. I am still dealing with it and questioning if I want to stay or run, if I will ever trust him again, if I am staying for me or because of the kids, if I can ever forgive etc etc. PM me if you can xx

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