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  1. #11
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    I guess it depends on the situation and the length of the stay. If it's for a one week holiday either side of your due date if be inclined to say no. But if they're coming just to see you and only for a night or two, that would depend on how close you are with them and how you're feeling.

    I'm facing this dilemma a bit at the moment. Dh's family are really understanding and aren't coming to visit (they live two states away) until two weeks after my edd, and they're renting a holiday apartment for their stay. I know that they'll hire a car, be super considerate of not hanging around too long on any one visit and call before coming over.
    My parents on the other hand are planning to come (from ten hours away) and stay immediately after the birth for "a few nights". They have said they'll just head this way as soon as they get the call I'm in labour. They're really uncomfortable about coming to the city and I know they won't do anything other than just hang out with us. I'm feeling like I don't really want the added stress of having people around while I'm learning to be a mummy and recovering from labour, but know that my mum in particular would think I was being incredibly rude if I said I didn't want her to come/stay with us, no matter how I phrase it. :/

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  3. #12
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    We didn't have any set rules as such (as I hate overnight guests anyway) but I just let people know we wanted to spend as much time alone with DD1 before DD2 came and also as much time after also, seeing as DH had six weeks off work.

  4. #13
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    Yes, I think that's fine.

    I had my mum stay for a couple of days afterwards to help out (cook etc) but no other visitors. The rest came about 6-8 weeks later and stayed elsewhere.

    I think as long as you give them plenty of notice it should be fine. It's also good to be clear with everyone as early as possible, so that you're not stressing about it.

    We told people we'd let them know roughly when they could visit once our baby had arrived and not to book anything yet (which was good because our first baby ended up being 2 weeks overdue). It was hard for them to wait because they were so excited, but we had to be firm and put ourselves first.

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    hangingupsidedown  (18-05-2014)

  6. #14
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    No rules here. Loved having before birth and if they were helpful after but those that just wanted see bub and have holiday give me the sh1ts. Seriously I want tramp through theme parks and zoo only a day out of hospital

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    Whatever suits you.

    I had my mum stay because I wanted her to be at the birth. So she was there before and a week after to help out with cooking cleaning etc. I am pretty relaxed when it comes to visitors so wouldn't really mind people staying if they want to help out.

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    No rules here. Loved having before birth and if they were helpful after but those that just wanted see bub and have holiday give me the sh1ts. Seriously I want tramp through theme parks and zoo only a day out of hospital

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    I agree :-) if they're helpful, yes have them to stay. But if not, no! Have you had these family member stay before op?

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tattereds View Post
    I guess it depends on the situation and the length of the stay. If it's for a one week holiday either side of your due date if be inclined to say no. But if they're coming just to see you and only for a night or two, that would depend on how close you are with them and how you're feeling.

    I'm facing this dilemma a bit at the moment. Dh's family are really understanding and aren't coming to visit (they live two states away) until two weeks after my edd, and they're renting a holiday apartment for their stay. I know that they'll hire a car, be super considerate of not hanging around too long on any one visit and call before coming over.
    My parents on the other hand are planning to come (from ten hours away) and stay immediately after the birth for "a few nights". They have said they'll just head this way as soon as they get the call I'm in labour. They're really uncomfortable about coming to the city and I know they won't do anything other than just hang out with us. I'm feeling like I don't really want the added stress of having people around while I'm learning to be a mummy and recovering from labour, but know that my mum in particular would think I was being incredibly rude if I said I didn't want her to come/stay with us, no matter how I phrase it. :/
    Oh this is my life at the moment, both our parents live in Melbourne and we are in Adelaide. We just want to enjoy our last few weeks as a duo before our baby comes and for a short while after. I'm due in 7 weeks. Our parents are both being annoying about it wanting to visit before baby and after to 'help' but they aren't helpful and I'm really at a loss of how to handle it..

  10. #18
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    A month before and around 2 months after was my rule. I wouldnt have wanted anyone to.stay around 8 weeks post birth so was ok for me.

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  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joeee View Post
    Oh this is my life at the moment, both our parents live in Melbourne and we are in Adelaide. We just want to enjoy our last few weeks as a duo before our baby comes and for a short while after. I'm due in 7 weeks. Our parents are both being annoying about it wanting to visit before baby and after to 'help' but they aren't helpful and I'm really at a loss of how to handle it..
    We're due at the same time too!

    Had a chat to my sister today, she suggested just gently explaining how we'd love them to be here to meet little girl when she arrives but want to just be our little family of three when we come home so that we can have special time alone and learn to be parents in our own way.

    I laughed. Have no idea how I'm supposed to build the confidence to say that (or bear the inevitable backlash that will come regardless of any gentle tone I use!).

    (Sorry for hijacking your thread OP!)

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  13. #20
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    I think there always be some people that get offended and don't respect your right to want privacy, but in the end what i found out through my own experiences is that those people will always look for something in your choices that they can criticise. So from my own experience (and mistakes) I can honestly say that you should take exactly as long as you think you need.

    If it's your first baby, I would suggest that you take a little longer than you think you need, because it is a huge adjustment.

    I guess its hard to say what might be considered acceptable in general terms though because it depends whether it is In-laws or not so close relatives or friends. If it's the In-laws I would take a guess at 4 - 5 week mark being totally acceptable and if it's friends or not so close relatives then i would hazard a guess at maybe 12 week mark for stay overs. But as I say in the end, it really is important to base the decision on your own needs...because in the end you'll only resent them being there if its too early.

    Good luck with it all and don't be afraid to ask for the time you need and deserve to get used to it all.


 

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