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  1. #251
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    Hi everyone... Firstly, sorry I've disappeared for quite some time. I've found the past month incredibly difficult on so many levels and have really struggled. Today is the first day I've felt things become a little easier. Fingers crossed things will only get better from here on.

    Our precious baby BOY was born a month ago today, 28/4. The birth was a traumatic one, which is why I think things have been so hard. I went into spontaneous labour at 40+2 and laboured at home for 12 hours before rushing to hospital when my body began to push. Contractions were always so far apart (15 mins or so) that the hospital encouraged us to stay at home thinking I was still in the very early stages. When I arrived at the hospital contractions became continuous and my body began to shake uncontrollably. I was hooked up to a continuous CTG monitor and examined - and was in utter disbelief when they told me I was fully dilated.

    Moments later an emergency button was pushed and a flock of midwives and doctors swooped in. Before I knew it I was getting a local anaesthetic 'down below' (pudendal block) in preparation for a forceps delivery and episiotomy. After 3 or so pushes bub was out, placed on my chest and was completely fine. Due to everything happening at lightening speed I became mentally and physically overwhelmed and unresponsive, as though I was in a daze. I remember very little of what happened once he was born, its as though my body went into a kind of shock. Having had no other pain relief they gave me gas while doc did the stitches.

    The days and weeks after the birth have seen me struggle immensely with breastfeeding. I was only told this week that due to the traumatic birth experience my body needed to preserve itself, leading to a low milk supply. Most of the time I feel like a zombie or a cow - going through endless cycles of attempting to breastfeed, then express, then going through the same cycle all over again. In hospital bub's birth weight dropped quite significantly (he lost close to 500 grams) and it was at that time that the decision was made to top up with formula. I was shattered. Breastfeeding continues to come with challenges and I'm now on medication (motilium / domperidone) to help increase my supply.

    Bub is now doing really well, having increased to a healthy weight by receiving a combo of breast milk and top up formula. I'm blessed he was safely delivered into this world but am still affected by everything that happened during the birth. Because I've found it so difficult to cope it was suggested I see a psychologist/therapist which I'll be doing in the coming days. Its been hard for me to think about, let alone talk about, but I wanted to share my story with you all.

    Lastly, a massive congrats to all the new bub arrivals and mummas. So happy for you all.

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    Amps  (29-05-2014),Ngaiz  (29-05-2014)

  3. #252
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    Orchids , thanks for sharing your story and big hugs to you for all the trauma you went through bringing your little man into the world. I hope that seeking professional counselling helps you. It's always good to get stuff off your chest if not by talking to someone even just writing it down.
    It's great your baby boy is doing well now. Well done to you for doing the combo of breastfeeding and formula. It sounds like you've done an awesome job so far. I hope you can start to enjoy being a mum and put the trauma behind you.

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    Orchids  (29-05-2014)

  5. #253
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    Orchids thanks for taking the time to share during a very difficult time for you. Wish you all the best with therapy and hope you start truly enjoying motherhood in the coming weeks.

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    Orchids  (29-05-2014)

  7. #254
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    Orchids thank you for being so honest and open with your story. I am a big believer in getting help when you need to and I'm glad that you are strong enough to seek it out. Well done. I am sorry to hear the birth was so traumatic and a lot of us here have had bf issues so can completely sympathise with your difficulty. Hope you start to feel more like yourself soon. Congratulations on your baby boy.

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    Orchids  (29-05-2014)

  9. #255
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    Huge hugs Orchids, thankyou for sharing with us. My bub also lost around 500g due to low supply, so I know how you feel in that respect. We're still combined feeding 7 weeks on and although I hold some disappointment for my own experience, bub couldn't give a hoot and is happy to get her food from anywhere!

    Rtkirk - I've found it a little difficult accepting that Annabel would be my only child, but it comes down to finances mostly and DH not wanting to be an older dad (he's 42 this year). I asked him when I was pregnant not to rush a decision because I don't want to resent him for not denying me more children, and I figure I'll know by the time bub is a year old if I'm ok with having just the one. Now Annabel's actually here and he's totally smitten, he admitted he's a bit clucky and wouldn't mind another one! We are still going to wait the 12 months though to recover financially before seriously considering trying again.


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  11. #256
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    Orchids Thanks for sharing your story and for having the courage to seek help. Wishing you all the best

    Ngaiz - We want to try for another baby as soon as we can but due to lack of finances we will be trying the natural way first. I've started freezing breast milk so if my cycle hasn't started by 6 months, I will stop expressing and bf to bring it on, but I will still be able to give Erin some ebm. My ob asked us our plans when I went for my 6 week check-up and we told him this. He was happy with our decision as I seem to be recovering extremely well from the c-section. Our age is against us but he thinks it's a reasonable calculated risk to start trying then.

    Personal question here ladies but has anyone got their sex-drive back post birth? It is the LAST thing on my mind, the only time I do think about it is when I'm thinking about having another baby. Poor dh, he's being so patient. Is it weird to feel grossed out at the thought of my dh "playing" with my (.)(.) now that I'm ?

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  13. #257
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    Orchids xx I'm glad you took the time to look after yourself and your little boy. I'm sorry you had such an awful birth. Isn't it amazing how your body takes over to heal itself. We are all trying to do our best and I think the majority of us are struggling with bf and feeling terrible about it, please don't think you're alone. We are always here to listen. Good in you for seeking help early.
    Last edited by Ngaiz; 29-05-2014 at 07:57.

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    Orchids  (29-05-2014)

  15. #258
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    Orchids I'm sorry to hear your birth experience was traumatic and you've had a rough first month as a Mum, huge hugs. Congrats on your baby boy and good luck with the counseling, hope everything only gets better from here xo

    Amps after the complicated pregnancy you had, I'm in awe that you're already thinking of another. Not weird at all that you feel your breasts should be 'off limits' to DH while they are a food source for Erin. My DH feels weirded out himself and won't even go there! I think he's worried about being squirted with milk lol. I'm still healing from stitches after episiotomy and lochia still hanging around so no idea when we'll resume DTD.

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  17. #259
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    Ngaiz we still are undecided if we will go for another.. I'm turning 39 in December and am mindful of my age and low egg reserve. We have decided not to do IVF again and will only try naturally if we go down that path.. Both for financial and emotional reasons. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be! At the moment I'm happy with just Mia but I do think how good it would be for her to have a sibling.

    Orchids, congratulations on the arrival of your little boy! I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience Many of us have had difficulties breast feeding, it really is tough! We top Mia up with formula when she needs it and she is so much happier to have a full tummy.. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.

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  19. #260
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    Amps I'm probably at one extreme of the spectrum - I was antsy and wanting to jump DH merely days after bub was born! We waited until my bleeding had stopped at 4 weeks though. We're not DTD as often as usual, but that's because of a combination of exhaustion and baby not settling in her bassinet. Admittedly I've always had a high sex drive, so in a way I'm pleased that it hasn't really been effected by having a baby. It makes me feel that I haven't been completely taken over in "mum mode" and DH certainly doesn't complain about feeling neglected!


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