Hi everyone... Firstly, sorry I've disappeared for quite some time. I've found the past month incredibly difficult on so many levels and have really struggled. Today is the first day I've felt things become a little easier. Fingers crossed things will only get better from here on.
Our precious baby BOY was born a month ago today, 28/4. The birth was a traumatic one, which is why I think things have been so hard. I went into spontaneous labour at 40+2 and laboured at home for 12 hours before rushing to hospital when my body began to push. Contractions were always so far apart (15 mins or so) that the hospital encouraged us to stay at home thinking I was still in the very early stages. When I arrived at the hospital contractions became continuous and my body began to shake uncontrollably. I was hooked up to a continuous CTG monitor and examined - and was in utter disbelief when they told me I was fully dilated.
Moments later an emergency button was pushed and a flock of midwives and doctors swooped in. Before I knew it I was getting a local anaesthetic 'down below' (pudendal block) in preparation for a forceps delivery and episiotomy. After 3 or so pushes bub was out, placed on my chest and was completely fine. Due to everything happening at lightening speed I became mentally and physically overwhelmed and unresponsive, as though I was in a daze. I remember very little of what happened once he was born, its as though my body went into a kind of shock. Having had no other pain relief they gave me gas while doc did the stitches.
The days and weeks after the birth have seen me struggle immensely with breastfeeding. I was only told this week that due to the traumatic birth experience my body needed to preserve itself, leading to a low milk supply. Most of the time I feel like a zombie or a cow - going through endless cycles of attempting to breastfeed, then express, then going through the same cycle all over again. In hospital bub's birth weight dropped quite significantly (he lost close to 500 grams) and it was at that time that the decision was made to top up with formula. I was shattered. Breastfeeding continues to come with challenges and I'm now on medication (motilium / domperidone) to help increase my supply.
Bub is now doing really well, having increased to a healthy weight by receiving a combo of breast milk and top up formula. I'm blessed he was safely delivered into this world but am still affected by everything that happened during the birth. Because I've found it so difficult to cope it was suggested I see a psychologist/therapist which I'll be doing in the coming days. Its been hard for me to think about, let alone talk about, but I wanted to share my story with you all.
Lastly, a massive congrats to all the new bub arrivals and mummas. So happy for you all.