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    Default How often do you feel like you want to separate/divorce from your spouse?

    Mods, can you please move if in wrong section. DP can be extraordinarily attentive, but he is also extraordinarily laid back and misses a lot of issues that I have to catch. It seems that when I try to sort out a problem or issue, or I don't do it to his satisfaction he verbally lashes out at me. After nearly 10 years, I feel he doesn't like me or what I contribute. He just wants that supportive part of me that works to give him everything he wants, and not the rest of me.

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    I frequently felt this way.

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    Nomia  (16-05-2014)

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    are you able to talk to him about it? perhaps he doesn't realise the message he is sending you when he reacts a certain way? There have been times in our marriage when DH and I have really struggled with our relationship and it was through some really tough working through of the issues that we have come out stronger at this end. Not to say that we won't face any more trials in the years to come, but being able to talk about it and come up with solutions together really helps. We're coming up to our 9th wedding anniversary in November, and have been together for 12 years.
    Last edited by jussi; 16-05-2014 at 11:51.

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    By nature I am a people pleaser, but TBH I am just tired of giving myself away to him. We have times where I have told him to go, but he just comes back. I don't think he has the confidence to find someone who better fits him and what he wants from a partner.

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    I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. My DH isn't abusive, just MIA. I hope you can get through this.

    My circumstances are a bit different. DH very much just needs his mother but with benefits...if that makes sense. He doesn't do anything organisational or financial decision wise for our family and all of the important decisions are left up to me. He goes to work and that's it. He wants a toy, he buys it no matter the consequences for everyone else. He has gotten his way with everything in this marriage so far including insisting that I give up my job that I worked towards for years and enjoyed.

    If I rest because I am ill, pregnant, having a mc then he will just sit and play computer games and not do anything to help. Meanwhile I am living in a house that is falling down around me.

    He doesn't contribute to the marriage in a productive way and if he wasn't such a good father I would have left him as he does nothing for me socially, mentally, emotionally or physically. If I try and talk to him about something important then he just looks at me with a blank, dumb look on his face and says nothing. It drives me insane...how does he think this is helping the situation?

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    Quote Originally Posted by BB85 View Post
    By nature I am a people pleaser, but TBH I am just tired of giving myself away to him. We have times where I have told him to go, but he just comes back. I don't think he has the confidence to find someone who better fits him and what he wants from a partner.
    I was a people pleaser too, and I got to the point, especially in my relationship, where I couldn't keep giving and getting nothing in return. It is just not fair.

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    Nomia  (16-05-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Ted View Post
    I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. My DH isn't abusive, just MIA. I hope you can get through this.

    My circumstances are a bit different. DH very much just needs his mother but with benefits...if that makes sense. He doesn't do anything organisational or financial decision wise for our family and all of the important decisions are left up to me. He goes to work and that's it. He wants a toy, he buys it no matter the consequences for everyone else. He has gotten his way with everything in this marriage so far including insisting that I give up my job that I worked towards for years and enjoyed.

    If I rest because I am ill, pregnant, having a mc then he will just sit and play computer games and not do anything to help. Meanwhile I am living in a house that is falling down around me.

    He doesn't contribute to the marriage in a productive way and if he wasn't such a good father I would have left him as he does nothing for me socially, mentally, emotionally or physically. If I try and talk to him about something important then he just looks at me with a blank, dumb look on his face and says nothing. It drives me insane...how does he think this is helping the situation?
    DP is definitely a Mummy's boy, but he does help around the house more so than he does play computers/ watch movies. He doesn't understand that I carry the stress and anxiety of money management, he doesn't believe I appreciate him, so I go above and beyond with that and then at the end of the day, I'm doing things I don't want to do. He turns every issue that I have about us and our relationship, about how I'm not doing something for him.. so, I work on it and get left behind. Sorry for the rant.
    Last edited by Nomia; 16-05-2014 at 12:30.

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    I understand where you're coming from. I think it is good if we could both get ourselves and our DH's to counselling so that they can hear it from someone else.

    My DH blamed me for my first mc and said so himself. Yet he wouldn't take leave from a work meeting just once over a matter of months so that I could get into the doctor's earlier. My doctor's appt was scheduled for 2 days after I gave birth to the baby at 19 weeks which was then useless. Today is the 2 year anniversary since we had that first loss and I doubt he will remember let alone say anything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Ted View Post
    I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. My DH isn't abusive, just MIA. I hope you can get through this.

    My circumstances are a bit different. DH very much just needs his mother but with benefits...if that makes sense. He doesn't do anything organisational or financial decision wise for our family and all of the important decisions are left up to me. He goes to work and that's it. He wants a toy, he buys it no matter the consequences for everyone else. He has gotten his way with everything in this marriage so far including insisting that I give up my job that I worked towards for years and enjoyed.

    If I rest because I am ill, pregnant, having a mc then he will just sit and play computer games and not do anything to help. Meanwhile I am living in a house that is falling down around me.

    He doesn't contribute to the marriage in a productive way and if he wasn't such a good father I would have left him as he does nothing for me socially, mentally, emotionally or physically. If I try and talk to him about something important then he just looks at me with a blank, dumb look on his face and says nothing. It drives me insane...how does he think this is helping the situation?
    Please don't say he is a good father- he is not. A good father doesn't treat the mother of his children this way, doesn't provide such a terrible example of marriage to his children. And he doesn't let things just slide when you are unable to do what you usually do due to illness etc. if he won't step up and do what his children need when you are unable to, then he is NOT a good father AT ALL. Just imagine if you left him alone with the kids for a week- would he still be a good father??
    Sorry for derailing OP but it really upsets me when people say their partners are good fathers when they do sweet FA for their families good parents cook and clean and change nappies and wash vomity sheets and referee arguments. Not just have fun with their kids when it suits them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Ted View Post
    I understand where you're coming from. I think it is good if we could both get ourselves and our DH's to counselling so that they can hear it from someone else.

    My DH blamed me for my first mc and said so himself. Yet he wouldn't take leave from a work meeting just once over a matter of months so that I could get into the doctor's earlier. My doctor's appt was scheduled for 2 days after I gave birth to the baby at 19 weeks which was then useless. Today is the 2 year anniversary since we had that first loss and I doubt he will remember let alone say anything.
    I couldn't not give some hugs


 

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