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  1. #51
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    OP, I feel for you, your self esteem must feel like it's in the bin right now.

    I am guessing the others haven't been supportive knowing what the ring leader's up to, and to me, that's just as bad a the ring leader to be honest. I would hope that in that situation, someone would have the gumption to try and stop this sort of alienation etc and stand up for you, because I am sure when you're feeling that excluded and what not, you're not going to feel overly powerful.

    for you and I hope things improve sooner rather than later for you.

  2. #52
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    Wow thanks for all of your responses!

    I think a couple of people have asked if there's anyone in the team I can talk to, and the thing is that I get along really really well with the rest of them. They never realise that I'm not invited to events until I don't show up I'll often get the 'where were you last night?' comment, and I'll have no idea what they are talking about.

    Its a a bit tricky because "Casey's" husband is part of the team too, so obviously he knows what is happening, but he's really a bit strange about it. He will kind of ignore me when she's there, but if we are working on a project together or happen to be in the tea room together, or even run into each other at the supermarket, he's always up for a good old chat. It's really awkward because I think he overcompensates for how mean she is. But because there are essentially 'two of her' (because her DH works there as well), she's a bit overpowering iykwim?

    I dont know know how to explain it. The others are all lovely to me and value me - it's just her.

    Awkward.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    This thread is reminding me of a certain parent of a child in my DS's class.
    She will go out of her way to ignore me and has even blanked my 'hello" more than a few times.
    So rude!
    I really can't understand how people can't find it in them to be polite.
    Is she afraid she'll catch something from me by just saying hello.
    So, so strange.
    I have one of these mums too She just took an instant dislike to me on the first day of school. I don't even bother trying to be nice now, not since we were both walking in the same direction with me slightly behind her. My DD said hi to her son and she gave my DD the filthiest look and actually looked her up and down... A 5 year old! Argh I could have slapped her

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    Phony  (12-05-2014)

  5. #54
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
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    This reminds me of a book I was reading, called the bully, the bullied and the bystander. Really interesting reading. By Barbara Coloroso

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheese Please View Post
    Wow thanks for all of your responses!

    I think a couple of people have asked if there's anyone in the team I can talk to, and the thing is that I get along really really well with the rest of them. They never realise that I'm not invited to events until I don't show up I'll often get the 'where were you last night?' comment, and I'll have no idea what they are talking about.

    Its a a bit tricky because "Casey's" husband is part of the team too, so obviously he knows what is happening, but he's really a bit strange about it. He will kind of ignore me when she's there, but if we are working on a project together or happen to be in the tea room together, or even run into each other at the supermarket, he's always up for a good old chat. It's really awkward because I think he overcompensates for how mean she is. But because there are essentially 'two of her' (because her DH works there as well), she's a bit overpowering iykwim?

    I dont know know how to explain it. The others are all lovely to me and value me - it's just her.

    Awkward.

    If that is the case...i would get one of your friends to always invite you to things for work. Just mention that you feel a bit sad about missing out on everything and ask if they wouldn't mind sharing invites if it is the whole work group going and make a conscious effort to make sure you are there for coffee meetings and things.

    The other option is to approach her directly.

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    To answer your first question, exclusion by itself is not bullying - but the repeated exclusion is bullying - the key being the repeated nature of the act.

    I'd keep a diary of all such happenings, and then I'd approach management and in writing ask them to deal with it because what your work colleague is doing is illegal. Talk to Fair Work Australia for some guidence.

    Do not worry if you feel petty - that's part of the ultimate goal - to rob you of your self esteem. Asking other people to ensure you're included wont stop her actions - she needs to be stopped and warned that this type of nasty behaviou wont be tolerated.

    ((hugs))
    Last edited by WorkingClassMum; 12-05-2014 at 19:39.

  8. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    To answer your first question, exclusion by itself is not bullying - but the repeated exclusion is bullying - they key being the repeated nature of the act.

    I'd keep a diary of all such happenings, and then I'd approach management and in writing ask them to deal with it because what your work colleague is doing is illegal. Talk to Fair Work Australia for some guidence.

    Do not worry if you feel petty - that's part of the ultimate goal - to rob you of your self esteem. Asking other people to ensure you're included wont stop her actions - she needs to be stopped and warned that this type of nasty behaviou wont be tolerated.

    ((hugs))
    Good point...repeated occurrences is crucial to the industrial definition of bullying.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. #58
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheese Please View Post
    Wow thanks for all of your responses!

    I think a couple of people have asked if there's anyone in the team I can talk to, and the thing is that I get along really really well with the rest of them. They never realise that I'm not invited to events until I don't show up I'll often get the 'where were you last night?' comment, and I'll have no idea what they are talking about.

    Its a a bit tricky because "Casey's" husband is part of the team too, so obviously he knows what is happening, but he's really a bit strange about it. He will kind of ignore me when she's there, but if we are working on a project together or happen to be in the tea room together, or even run into each other at the supermarket, he's always up for a good old chat. It's really awkward because I think he overcompensates for how mean she is. But because there are essentially 'two of her' (because her DH works there as well), she's a bit overpowering iykwim?

    I dont know know how to explain it. The others are all lovely to me and value me - it's just her.

    Awkward.
    Maybe Mr "Casey" is a bit sweet on you, hence her attitude?

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  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    Maybe Mr "Casey" is a bit sweet on you, hence her attitude?
    LOL Thats actually the first thing I thought of!

  12. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelicHobgoblin View Post
    LOL Thats actually the first thing I thought of!
    Me too.


 

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