I'm just going to thread crash here a little bit (sorry OP)
I have been wondering about this lately too. It's happening to me at my workplace ATM OP and it SUCKS.
I've been wondering how (and wether it's even worth it) to mention it to management.
I worked late on Friday night and only one other staff member was there. I joked to the other staff member saying 'where is everyone? Is there a party going on we weren't invited to?'
Funny thing is I was right (other staff member was invited and going after work). 3rd 'staff party' in 2 months (wasn't invited to the other 2 either). They have staff meetings & 'forget' to notify me. Go out to breakfast, bring each other coffee. Organise it right I. Front of me. Etc.
I just try & ignore it but it's hard.
Just last week I was having a convocation with 2 other staff members. My manager walked up and asked one of them to coffee. She said no (too busy) so he asked the other staff member who also said no. Then he said fine! I'll go by myself then' and walked off. I was like 'umm hello, am I invisable?'
As a once off single act it's hard to see how this could be classed as bullying, but day after day it all adds up.
Mummy Potato (12-05-2014)
Wow, thanks everyone for your replies you've all been really helpful.
To the person who suggested that it's fine to not be friends with everyone - I agree 100%. However, I see no reason to be rude about it. There are people at work who I wouldn't choose as friends, but at the end of the day, I have to see them 40 hours a week so I may as well be nice. I don't think I could ignore or exclude someone, even if I HATED them, let alone just because they're not my cup of tea.
I am just really getting tired of this person's behaviour. Every morning I am the first to arrive, so I'm always the one who greets everyone else. This is how her morning greeting goes:
I'll be like "Morning Casey!" and she will look at the floor and walk past me. If I have to consult her during the day, she'll either a) pretend not to hear me or b) tell me bluntly to ask someone else.
Generally it's just the ignoring and not inviting stuff, but at last year's Xmas party she was downright mean. She knows I struggle with infertility, and my coworkers told me that after I left the party and she got a bit drunk she made a comment about how I may do well at work but I suck at life because I can't even have kids
I've never done anything to her, which is why it's so upsetting. My DH has a theory that it is because I outperform her, but I doubt anyone would be so petty.
I dont want any conflict so I don't want to say anything to her or make a big fuss ... I just want her to treat me like a human. I don't want to be her best friend or anything - I don't even like her as a person, but I really can't see why we can't just be nice and accept each other while we are at work.
It's awful and the worst part about it is you feel like you can't speak up about it because it's hard to prove. And they would just turn around and deny it and then you come across as the paranoid one? I've experienced this once in a role I was in for a few months. It made going to work awful. And I've experienced it here on this forum too. If there's one type of bullying that is very common it's passive aggression/exclusion.
FFS. We are adults. We can not like someone and still be pleasant and not make them feel like crap.
Glad I don't work with some people on here.
And yeah sorry if there is a team of 10, inviting 9 of them and excluding the other deliberately is bullying. Disgusting behaviour. Imagine you or your child was the one not invited?
I will never understand why some people feel the need to be rude or nasty to someone they do not like - even if you dont get along with someone there is never ever an excuse for being deliberately nasty or rude. Clearly some people never left the high school mentality behind...
ETA: sorry you're going through this OP. I really hope you can get some support from management etc to help reach a solution to it all xo
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Last edited by peanutmonkey; 12-05-2014 at 08:21.
I don't even think it comes down to not liking someone, it can just be about power and control, seeing the target as some kind of imagined threat, jealousy, or just the fact they're a newcomer into an established group is enough to make you a target. I think the latter was my experience. Sometimes all that is required is that you are a genuinely nice person, or smart or clever.
After I finished school, I had some of the older girls apologise to me for being do nasty to me during school. I asked them why they did it as I could never figure it out and really wanted to know! All of them said they had no idea, just because I was 'there'! But they all did say they had their own issues going on at the time and felt terrible about how they had treated me. What they didn't realise was that I had a lot of stress in my life too due to my parents constant fighting, but I did not bully others. Not everyone bullies.
And as a side note I'd like to say that without a doubt the most supportive and awesome people I have worked with during my life have also been women the bullies are definitely not the majority in my experience and I've worked in many different environments in my time.
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