Last edited by Mummy Potato; 01-05-2014 at 10:20.
Sorry hun but to me it seems like he is being unreasonable and controlling still. I really don't think in the scheme of things that you've done anything wrong.
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Sounds like his issue is more about control than money, considering you are both pulling in a decent income.
Maybe because he's made all the other decisions concerning the renovations he doesn't want you choosing anything without his opinion? Nevertheless, it's YOUR house too. Why should he call all the shots?
I wouldn't apologise without knowing WHY he is so upset, as chances are he is actually being unreasonable. You tried to do something nice and he's gotten angry - he needs to explain himself.
Has his behaviour been 'off' lately? Has there been other issues cropping up or is this a sudden change?
I only ask because I can kind of see this from a different angle. You said your DH is house proud so is it possible that your DH is just upset that he was unable to help choose the end product?
Obviously if this was one of a few incidences then he's being unreasonable but if it really is a one off then I'd have a chat with him when he's calmed down and see of there's a compromise that can be reached.
Just as an example, DH and I have needed a new fridge for a while and as a surprise- just last month - he went and purchased a fridge that was nothing like I wanted. I was pretty devastated when I found out (yes, 3rd world problem I know), anyway I tried to get over it but DH could tell I was sulking a bit so we went back to the store a week later, picked a fridge TOGETHER and re-ordered.
Perhaps DH would agree to review the order with you so it's more of a joint decision??
I feel bad for you OP, must be awful when you try and do something nice and it backfires
There's no way I'd be following any such 'instructions'. Look, I'll admit it, I'm a bit funny about money. I used to get upset at 'my' money being committed to stuff without any communication about it (as I was the sole income earner and practically sole caregiver and housework doer). But having said that, in a dual income household, as long as expenses are being contributed to by both parties, then I believe what's left over is up to the individual to spend. I probably get a bit twitchy when I've been with people who spend most of their money on booze and takeaway, but...you are spending money on something that contributes to the household, and that you thought was a good deal and would be appreciated.
This is definitely about control. Perhaps you could meet him halfway and suggest that you can discuss these sort of purchases in the future (or suggest a dollar amount that you BOTH need to clear with the other before spending), but that you're not sure what the issue here actually is?
I agree with the other ladies this is definitely not about the money it is about the control, and I think it is extremely unfair of him to respond in such a manner to you.
He's being unreasonable.
Keep the venetians. 40% is a great deal... let it come out of your contribution to the household if he doesn't agree.
Last edited by RipperRita; 29-04-2014 at 11:00.
Unreasonable and controlling. I don't think this is about the Venetians but more about the fact that you made a decision without him.
I would not be cancelling and also would be having a sit down conversation about his behavior.
It does sound unreasonable to me.
You have done councelling before. Maybe when he gets home tonight explain that you do not understand where he is coming from - use the example about the granny flat or something like that. Suggest a "refresher" session to try and work this out as you think it is about more then the blinds.
If it were me i would keep them but then every time you see them you will remember about trying to do something nice and the argument but if you guys can work through it then there will be better memories?
Does that make sense?
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