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  1. #11
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    I also think 123 Magic is great for learning how to set a boundary, and be consistent with it. It is primarily for stop behaviours - things a child can stop doing in 1-2 seconds (yelling, talking back, mistreating possessions). The behaviours that you mention are "start behaviours" - things that can take a while to start and complete. Dr Phelan (the author) also has what he calls seven strategies for encouraging good behaviour and these are much more effective on start behaviours than 123. I think that these are at the end of the book too but I'm not 100% sure. I know that there is a separate DVD with them on. You may be able to find the DVDs at library.

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    dollypops  (26-04-2014)

  3. #12
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    Subbing

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    dollypops  (26-04-2014)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by duckduckgoose View Post
    big fan here! DS responds really well to this sort of thing.

    Criticisms I've heard are that it just teaches kids to respond to your commands without learning WHY they should behave a certain way and that the time out factor is shaming/rejecting/humiliating.

    I think it's great for teaching kids that there are consequences for bad behaviour, that are consistent and predictable. The counting to 3 thing gives DS a warning if he has just forgotten or lost his impulse control, if he continues to behave badly it's his choice. And most importantly it stops me losing my temper or getting into a big negotiation/discussion with a 3 year old

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    That's interesting that people think time out is shaming or rejecting or humiliating. As opposed to what? I cringe when I see parents yelling or hitting their kids even tho the parents are probably at their wits end. Also I agree with you, I like the idea that bad behaviour has consequences. And consistency is very important in our house too.

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leafy View Post
    I also think 123 Magic is great for learning how to set a boundary, and be consistent with it. It is primarily for stop behaviours - things a child can stop doing in 1-2 seconds (yelling, talking back, mistreating possessions). The behaviours that you mention are "start behaviours" - things that can take a while to start and complete. Dr Phelan (the author) also has what he calls seven strategies for encouraging good behaviour and these are much more effective on start behaviours than 123. I think that these are at the end of the book too but I'm not 100% sure. I know that there is a separate DVD with them on. You may be able to find the DVDs at library.
    Thanks! That's a great explanation!

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by NebraskaJones View Post
    I just feel if basically says do as I say with no talking or room for discussion..

    For me .. My parenting is based heavily on discussing and working out why there is the behaviour.. Rather than just saying stop cause I said so.


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.
    I do understand and like the idea of discussing and working out why they are behaving a certain way but do you think it's effective for a 2 year old? Some mornings there is just no way I could reason with dd as she just doesn't want to cooperate. I don't know if there is always a reason for the defiance other than she is just being a difficult 2 year old

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    A-Squared  (27-04-2014)

  9. #16
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    I haven't read it myself but I've taken aspects from it and used it on my 3yo DS. I ask him to stop or redirect between every number. If no improvement on 3 I put him on the designated time out chair. I explain why he is there and that he stays until he can apologise and behave nicely again. He usually complains and makes a fuss, I ignore it until he says he wants to say sorry. I remind him again why he was timed out and what I want him to do.

    Seems to work well for us.

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    A-Squared  (27-04-2014),dollypops  (27-04-2014)

  11. #17
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    I haven't read 123 Magic but I have read another book aimed at parents of toddlers and found it made sense... It's Ok Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids by Heather Shumaker

    Look up her blog and read some of her posts if you want to see her parenting style. If it suits you then I highly recommend her book.

    And, re buying 123 Magic, I know our local library will get books in for you if they don't have it. You just need the title and author, and the ISBN is useful to them too. Maybe yours will do the same? Then you can 'try before you buy'.

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    dollypops  (27-04-2014)

  13. #18
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    Yeah I totally respect different parenting. It's just not for me.

    It just seemed to concentrate on bad behaviour and being in control .. It is also fear based rather than making choices to be good .

    What happens as they get older and they stop listening to 1 2 3. It never taught them to stop and think about what they did.

    Of course jmo..


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

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    dollypops  (27-04-2014)

  15. #19
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    I'm a fan. When DS was smaller I found it really useful to have a 'strategy' that when things looked like starting to escalate into an arguement, I could take a deep breath and calmly start counting. It saved my sanity many times!

    I found doing that also calmed him down in a way as he knew what the expectations and consequences were if I had to keep counting.

    Mind you, it has only been recently that has usually stops at '1'. For ages he would keep the behaviour going until I got to '2' as he knew he had until '3' to start behaving!!!

    Now DS is 5, we have adapted it a little bit. We don't really use time outs anymore but something more situation appropriate - ie taking away the toy he's teasing his sister with etc.

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    dollypops  (27-04-2014)

  17. #20
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    I'm a fan too. My 2 and 4yr old have responded well, abs as we started doing it at 2 with DD2 as she approaches 3 and her tantrums become more challenging the strategy is already something she is familiar with.
    I can understand why some people don't like it, but I personally think that it helps to remain calm in myself as I too know just how far an argument will escalate, it removes the frustration and emotion on my part from the situation. Also as they know what will happen at 3 they learn to make good choices in stopping the behaviour which is undesirable. I rarely get past 1 with my 4yr old now as she chooses to stop most times. It takes time (months) to be truly effective but I think it is worth it. At the end of every time out I sit with them and explain exactly why they are there, get them to repeat it back so I know they know why and then we finish with a hug and usually an apology.

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    dollypops  (27-04-2014)


 

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