Not feeling great today. I honestly feel like all my hopes and dreams have been ripped away from me and that now more than ever everything is my fault. I have the pcos and I have the scarred insides that means we can't have babies naturally.
I'm beyond angry at how much time and money and emotion I've wasted in the last 3 1/2 years all for nothing, all for a pipe dream. The fights I've had with dh about ttc and the forced BDing we've both endured to try and reach our goal of a baby and it was never going to be possible, ever. Gutted. My eyes hurt from crying and I'm tired. I hate more than anything that my gut feeling was right about never getting pregnant.
Oh Star I'm struggling to find the right words right now to make you feel better. Is the scarring endo? I'm so sorry hun, I really am. I feel so angry for you. This is so unfair.
I know funds are an issue but please consider seeing a naturopath. I had terrible endo before my first child. Terrible scarring everywhere, on my ovaries, Pouch of Douglas. 4.5 years of ttc anguish and hell. 1 cycle seeing a naturo and I was pg.
You know you can PM me any time
Hugs Star. Huge hugs. I just have no words. I know it's no consolation, but at least you now know why. I hope that at least gives you a small amount of relief and you can now take some time to heal your mind and work on getting the funds for IVF (or find a bulk-bill clinic) if that's what you choose to do.
It's not from endo del, the surgeon said the scarring is from infection, which I don't understand because I've never had an std that I know of.
Hi @starflame I have bad scarring too (Bowel, Uterus, Bladder, Right Ovary all Glued together!) - it was from ruptured appendix when i was a little kid. I have another friend who had it and they think hers was a bowel infection when she was a kid. So it doesn't need to be a STD.
You have done nothing wrong Star - this is not your fault.
Did the surgeon "Divide the Adhesion's/Scars" while he was there? If not this may be an option. They divided mine and the relief was heaven - but they advised they could only do it once as they can grow back and you get the best result if you do IVF within 6 months of having it done. It was all covered by medicare and was done via Day Surgery.
Honey this does not have to be the end of your Baby journey. Just a "Rest Stop" on the way. You are an amazing, Strong, Caring & Passionate lady. When the Medicare only IVF option comes around you will be ready for it and we will all be there for you. In the mean time make a plan for your rest stop - what things have you missed out on doing while you have been on this road? Time to give them a go - the pressure is off you both now - you can have "dirty" weekends (Okay I'm blushing) for no reason other than you love each other You can eat all the naughty foods, You can do something crazy even like one of the ladies on another thread decided to train for a Tri-athalon!!
Its going to be okay Beautiful Lady
Thinking of you Star and your sucky lap. One day at a time and a plan for your future will be clear xxx big hugs xxx
Thanks for the kind words ladies. I don't know what I'd so without this forum and the wonderful ladies on it.
The surgeon didn't have permission to do anything about my scarring she told me twice, I asked her if that's something I should of signed for before my surgery and she was like not necessarily. I was very groggy when she was talking to me so I'm still unclear on exactly how bad it is and whether they can operate. I'm making a drs appointment for a couple weeks time so I can talk to her about my results
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!